Yep, Kim Kardashian’s Politics Are More Interesting Than This

While older, low power mode Kim tried to use her social media accounts this weekend to let refugees know she has more than enough room for them all in her butt, the new Kylie model went a different route. Namely, squeezing her giant, probably fake boobs together on vacation in Costa Rica. It’s a radical approach, I’ll give her that, albeit one I’m positive Kris Jenner engineered the second Kim went rogue and posted politics instead of fake Polaroids where you can see Kanye blinking out distress messages. But I know the devil’s tricks, and they won’t work on me. I can honestly say I’ve never been more politically energized, thanks to Kim. In fact, I’m not going to wait a second longer to contact my senator now. Go, go, bare minimum political action!

Attn: Sen. Rubio,

I am writing today to bring your attention to an injustice for which I simply cannot stand. Kylie Jenner’s boobs are looking bigger by the day and I want you to find out if she got implan– Wait, what am I doing? Be strong, damnit! As a nation built by immigrants, we cannot allow ourselves to go down a path of isolationism. We must band together and look at how Kylie’s boobs don’t sag even when she’s not wearing a bra, which has to mean they’re fak– Fuck! I can do this! I can resist! Why are green card holders aka permanent legal residents being punished if they’ve already been vetted and become functioning members of American society who work, pay taxes, and contribute to the economy by purchasing things like Kylie’s new lip kit, premiere app, and Puma line? Also, Kris Jenner is still youthful and gorgeous, wouldn’t you agree? So, that’s all I wanted to say.

Love you, bitch,

P.S. We say Khloe’s hot now, and we don’t talk about those missing hikers. They’re gone now. It’s in the past. We can’t bring them back.

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