The Kardashians All Launched Apps This Week. Guess Who’s Beating Kim?

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To: Khloe, Kendall, Kourtney
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Today 12:30PM
Afterparty at my place DON’T TELL KIM!! Mom and Ye said we split her share if she’s gone by Thanksgiving.

I swear I wasn’t going to do another Kylie Jenner post today, but I’m not one of the almost 1 million assholes who downloaded her app, so if you’re looking to place blame I’d start the girl making ducklips at her phone. I could have sworn The Little Whore Klan That Kould already had a bunch of bullshit apps that were inexplicably raking in millions, but apparently they each launched for pay apps this week, of which Kylie’s is currently #1. Remember when they thought phones were going to give us all brain tumors? We deserve them now. The only silver lining I see is more full frontal nudes have to be on the way the fact that even Khloe’s app is beating Kim’s, and from what I understand that one’s just a POV video loop of swatting salmon out of a river. Fish isn’t around right now, so I’m not sure of the legality of me outwardly wishing for this outcome, so I’m just going to leave that link right there in case any of you are into voodoo. *sticks pin in Hannah Montana doll*

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