Kristen Stewart Was Pregnant With Robert Pattinson’s Baby When She Cheated

August 10th, 2012 // 37 Comments
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Gotcha! Sorry, I saw Hollywood Life is just making shit up about Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson and got jealous. Although as a testament to my restraint and journalistic integrity, my original headline was “Kristen Stewart Aborted Robert Pattinson’s Baby Into Rupert Sanders’ Mouth.” Not that I’m saying that didn’t happen because there are only two people who know what really happened inside that car, so God knows what she tricked him into by being pretty:

A longtime friend of Kristen’s tells exclusively, “Kristen and Rob were engaged when she got caught cheating on him with her director. She referred to him as her fiancé. Not many people knew this, only a few close friends.”
Weeks before Kristen’s affair emerged, it was widely reported that the couple was shopping for engagement rings. An official engagement wouldn’t seem all that surprising. And it would certainly support an expert’s claim that Kristen had cold feet before an alleged impending wedding!

If this is true (which it’s not) Kristen Stewart should probably never step outside unless she wants to see a Cinnabon truck hijacked by hyperventilating Twi-hards driven right into her face. Which is a joke, of course, because it’s already in her house. “Now it’s your turn to eat our feelings, emo-cunt!” HONK! HONK!

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News, WENN


  1. Kristen Stewart Glamour Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    get a tan!

    • vgrly

      She can’t. She’s a vampire….

    • cris

      Kristen Go, we’re with you, a talented actress who deserves to be loved and respected and not judged by a false relationship ……
      She did very well go out of this farce!! She deserves to be happy, very beautiful!

  2. Kristen Stewart Glamour Awards
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  3. Maybe Rupert was just acting out the birth scene where Edward has to use his fangs to rip the baby out of Bella pussy. She’s method.

    • vgrly

      Gotta say this is creative yet you just outted yourself as a guy who went to see the film.

      • Definitely not. I learned all this from a sketch on “Attack Of The Show” The only way I would watch these movies in the theatre, is if my girlfreind dragged me to it. I have no girlfriend so I’m shitty chick flick free.

  4. Kristen Stewart Glamour Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    “I told Rupert not to splooge in my hair, goddamnit!”

  5. Cock Dr

    My hope is that the 2 actors in this melodrama reunite & marry, and then she does it all over again.

  6. shankyouverymuch

    What a dirty little cumsponge- I just wanna pee in her asshole, NOT on it, IN it!!!

    No but seriously I’m so hurt by the whole affair thing- it’s so terrible ;(

  7. fuckityfuck

    slow news week? I’m calling bullshit on this

    • CranAppleSnapple

      The very first word in the article is “Gotcha”.

      • fuckityfuck

        Really? Cuz I’m so fucking blind I couldn’t find my way to this website. I don’t think were engaged or going to be engaged, they were a fake couple for the sake of the movie and she blew it so fuck off and take care.

      • CranAppleSnapple

        Blind and stupid? Tsk.

  8. Cressida

    Robby-Dobby-Do should get together with Jennifer Lawrence or Dakota Fanning or … I dunno; just ANYBODY else — and stay well away from this hot mess. She’s never going to improve until she gets over her love affair with the bowl.

  9. j.j

    How could not cheat on himm, he was a short scrawny little geek..she needs a real man. One thats over 6 feet tall,lol

  10. Kristen Stewart Glamour Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    And Kristen reached the crossroad where all stoners look deep within and ask the perpetual question: “Dreads?”.

  11. “Kristen Stewart Aborted Robert Pattinson’s Baby Into Rupert Sanders’ Mouth.”

    I wish I had the gift of such rapier wit and eloquent prose. Fuck, that made me laugh.

  12. Anne

    This story has ran its curse, just let it die. The only funny thing is that Kstew was caught lying like some politician who preaches about Christianity and morals and is caught traveling with rent boys. I swear I’m not over her whole act of “I’m so honest, I’m so real, I don’t want to be fake! I’m private! My relationship is not for public consumption! Paparazzis are rapists!” and then bam! She’s fucking her married director for six months. What will the next interviews be like now that she can’t be the same smug holier than thou Avril Lavigne of acting?

  13. tufenuf55

    Look, people. Let’s get haters to the left, please. Save your rage for the shooter who killed people at Black Night Rises movie. That’s real. That’s serious. Kristen has publicly apologized to fans; to Rob especially. Let them work things out for themselves. It’s not YOUR LIFE. It’s theirs.

    • kimmie

      Leave our hatred for the shooter? AYKM? Holmes didn’t work alone. There were at least 7 people in on it and it seems to be staged by our own government. No one hates Kristen. We just think she is a whore. So what and who cares?

      • spankstar

        oh god if you r a girl pla just let me put you in bondage & spank will be for the greater good.cheers!!

    • Anne

      BREAKING – You’re in a gossip site. Do you understand the concept?

      I don’t think anyone hates her, really. They just don’t like her. Like I said above, she’s like Avril Lavigne. Always with a sour face, arrogant, acting like she’s too good for everything, smug, proud and very very immature, despite her ~tough persona. Then time passes and you realize it’s all an act. They just haven’t matured yet. Kristen has 22. She still has time to grow up before she becomes 28 year old Avril: irrelevant, dressing like a 14 year old.

    • Cressida

      Begone, paid PR troll. You have no powers here.

  14. kimmie

    Kirsten looks like she is possessed or something. She has the vacant, evil stare of a Rockefeller or Rothschild. She isn’t attractive to me. Why does Hollywood like her, anyways?

  15. anonymous

    She looks like she still hasn’t bathe since the affair.

  16. Negrodamus

    *journalistic integrity. Get an editor.

  17. K-Stoned

    High as a f*ckin’ kite — See above.

  18. baja

    these people forget the difference between Right & Wrong…….

  19. Really? Cuz I’m so fucking blind I couldn’t find my way to this website. I don’t think were engaged or going to be engaged, they were ..

  20. manideepa barua

    i hope they get together soon and start a family.

  21. Kristen Stewart Glamour Awards
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