Kristen Stewart Was Pregnant With Robert Pattinson’s Baby When She Cheated

Gotcha! Sorry, I saw Hollywood Life is just making shit up about Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson and got jealous. Although as a testament to my restraint and journalistic integrity, my original headline was “Kristen Stewart Aborted Robert Pattinson’s Baby Into Rupert Sanders’ Mouth.” Not that I’m saying that didn’t happen because there are only two people who know what really happened inside that car, so God knows what she tricked him into by being pretty:

A longtime friend of Kristen’s tells exclusively, “Kristen and Rob were engaged when she got caught cheating on him with her director. She referred to him as her fiancé. Not many people knew this, only a few close friends.”
Weeks before Kristen’s affair emerged, it was widely reported that the couple was shopping for engagement rings. An official engagement wouldn’t seem all that surprising. And it would certainly support an expert’s claim that Kristen had cold feet before an alleged impending wedding!

If this is true (which it’s not) Kristen Stewart should probably never step outside unless she wants to see a Cinnabon truck hijacked by hyperventilating Twi-hards driven right into her face. Which is a joke, of course, because it’s already in her house. “Now it’s your turn to eat our feelings, emo-cunt!” HONK! HONK!

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News, WENN