So Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson Really Did Get Back Together

September 19th, 2012 // 52 Comments
Not So Fast, Franco
Kristen Stewart Robert Pattinsons Hat Toronto
Robert Pattinson's Too Noble To Allow A Dicknosing Read More »

“Then you just keep doing this for awhile, and they’ll pretty much do whatever the fuck you say. Next question.”

Earlier in the week the British tabloids were claiming that Robert Pattinson finally took Kristen Stewart back which seemed unlikely considering how epically stupid and public her cheating on him was. Turns out these two really want to make it look like they’re relationship exists/existed solely to sell Twilight tickets because People‘s confirming they really are back together:

Stewart, 22, and Pattinson, 26, met up in Los Angeles over the weekend of Sept. 15, PEOPLE reports in its upcoming issue.
And, according to an insider, the Twilight hunk’s pals “think they’ll be a couple again.”
While Pattinson was completely heartbroken over the split, says another source, moving on is “easier said than done … and clearly harder than expected.”

Of course, a more likely scenario is Summit Entertainment mailed Robert Pattinson his mother’s pinky finger along with a note saying, “Take the bitch back,” but that doesn’t have all the mystery and romance fans of the series have come to expect. So let’s just say Kristen was under the spell of an evil vampire who feeds off of girls getting their vagina licked by dudes who aren’t their boyfriends, so Robert Pattinson cried for hours before slaying said vampire with a sparkling sword forged from his tears and then they had a baby and he was totally cool with Kristen getting fat because of it. In fact, “she looks more real and I actually prefer his this way,” he’d later tell the villagers in their kingdom for he’s a prince now. A handsome, dashing prince – who likes pulling pubes. (That was for you, moms.)

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, Pacific Coast News

superficial

  1. O.o

    I respected him for dumping her ass…
    that respect is now gone…
    what a tool you are robert, you could have had such great rebounds but no you got the old fish back from the market that doesn’t even smell to fresh anymore

    congrats

    • Fuck’s sake. Dude is 26. Were you a tower of integrity in your love life at 26? (That’s if it’s true; I’m with Fish and think the “reunion”, if it happens, will last until about a month after the premiere. Six weeks tops.)

  2. Oh, who cares. I’m sure he’s cheated on her a billion times. It’s Hollywood, people. They are young, they shouldn’t be exclusive anyways. If they want to go back to banging each other’s brains out for a little bit, let them.

  3. Deacon Jones

    I just watched that Snow White movie onDemand….”BORING”.

    Im proud that I can state this was the first time I saw her on TV. She sucks. All she did was stare and squint at things and look confused while stage fans blew her hair.

    • Annie

      Watching that shit with the director commentary on is the real show. You can practically hear the guy fapping behind the microphone “She’s amazing. She’s regal… Oh, look, that’s my wife.” It’s obvious these two had an actual affair going on for months and he was quite the creeper.

      I’m in the group of people who doesn’t believe this is PR because those relationships never last years (Taylor Lautner did have his PR things, poor closeted kid: Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, Lily Collins and they lasted like 3 months, full with red carpet appearances and such). And Twilight was already making tons of money before these two became a couple.

      So assuming this is real and you have all this evidence if you still take her back, you really have low self-esteem…

    • Were the parts with Evil Queen Charlize good, at least? She looked so eeeeeeeevil.

  4. Ah, I see hes taking advice from the Rihanna book of forgiveness. (“But he wasn’t punched in the face.” “I beg to differ: http://cdn.crushable.com/files/2012/07/Rupert-Sanders-Cheating-Kristen-Stewart-Proof.jpg“)

  5. Cock Dr

    Never let a little extracurricular backseat cunnilingus get in the way of eternal stoner soulmatedness.
    You kids toke one for me.

  6. Inner Retard

    An alternate explanation. Robert realized Kristen may be a talentless weirdo. But Hollywood is full of sex-starved perverted producers looking for the right mix of young meat seasoned with smug condescension. They can no longer get this from their wives but Kristen can deliver. So pimping her to said people can be good for both their careers.

  7. BillyBob

    Umm… “their relationship”.

    Or am I missing somehing…

  8. FudgeSticks

    A fake reconciliation! How romantic! This is even better than their original fake romance. Publicists everywhere a crying tears of joy!

    Seriously, though. I’m glad Robert came to his senses, slapped those dicks out of his mouth, and reignited this false relationship. Gotta sell movie tickets!

  9. LemonPie

    zzzzzzz

  10. El Jefe

    Maybe she is that good in bed?

  11. Annie

    LOL. Oh, Robert you little pussy. He’s trying to pander to a more predominantly male audience with Cronenberg, that Sadam Hussein movie, again Cronenberg, that other action movie in the works, and the one with a Martin Scorsese script and he goes and does the one thing that’ll keep the Twihards around forever – he took Bella back.
    Come on, dude! I know it’s hard to let go but you were getting respect from dudes for dumping her ass, not to mention the bro sympathy and you take her back? Your fanbase will eternally be female and 13-40-50. Not even worth it. It won’t matter how badass and serious you want to be, you’re acting like Kristen’s bitch.

    He needs better friends. All those sensitive hipster dudes are no help.

    • You give good points. Guy is obviously just in love. I think she was his first real love, and thats hard to get over. I feel kind of bad for him, but meh, let them do what they want. Obviously they want to bang each other for longer, so let them. Eventually, they will fizzle out, as most young people do. You change too much in your early twenties to really ever stay with someone. i know there are exceptions, but for the most part its true.

      • Annie

        Yeah, I hear you. I don’t know, I think in terms of his career first because I happen to like the guy. He’s cool. I thought it was the perfect way for him to close that cycle of crazy female fans, and move on to projects that featured no romance at all, show what else he can do, most importantly break away from the most obsessive fanbase I have ever seen (his fans find out where he is at all times, it’s the frigging FBI). But with this… He’s keeping around all those women who think he’s Prince charming. Alienating the male fanbase that would show up to see his next movies, which sound pretty good actually.

        It’s not a good career move. He needed to dust the Twilight sparkles off.

      • I absolutely agree its a crappy career move. I think its pretty obvious at this point that it wasn’t a showmance. If it was, they wouldn’t get back together, and they would both be better off for it. He would be the victim, and she would be the edgy, wild child. Apparently, the guy doesn’t care about his career, which I do commend him for but I am sure he will regret it because like I said, they won’t last. Very few young couples do.

    • Craptard

      wow, ‘bro sympathy’, or hot young willing poon? good thing RPat reads these threads, otherwise he’d have missed your brilliant advice to forego the big piles of money and hot young poon in exchange for ‘bro sympathy’.

  12. Sandoucheky

    I bet he got the most mind-blowing “forgive me” BJ in modern history

  13. It’s obvious they’re being forced back together for the upcoming premiere of the latest shitty Twilight movie. They didn’t want the stupid Twi-tards to boycott the film because they were pissed at Kristen. If Robert forgives her, they will too.

    I hope he milks all the grudge fucks he can get out of her.

    • Annie

      To be honest, I think they’re talking and playing nice because they have two months of promoting this movie together. I think if they want to make this easier it’s only for them not to have to answer to uncomfortable questions all the time, and not for the fans necessarily. Twihards will support regardless, some still think Kristen was set up. I’m surprised to find out that many of the people who like the movies didn’t even know this happened. Not all of the audience is 100% twihardy.

      • Emma Watson's Vagina

        looks like that to me..

      • Kristyna

        giampide la ptm las fotos!!.. deberian cloocar mas fotos y mostrar todo lo q tenemos .. porq falta mucho por mostrar de nuestra arequipaa revolucionaria .. rbueno tres urras por aqp xd

  14. judgingyou

    And the publicity stunt keeps on rolling…. I mean soulmates always work out….?

  15. I think its obvious this isn’t a publicity stunt. I mean, I’m not in denial, I don’t really like the movies, but if this was a stunt, they would NOT be getting back together. It’s bad for BOTH of their careers. And Rob doesn’t even have a publicist.

    • KC

      He just has a manager who acts as his publicist.

    • I’m confused about why it would be bad for their careers. The possibilities:

      a) They stay apart. At press events, Rob looks brave/emo. Kristen looks evil/heartbroken. They look miserable together. People will watch the movie once and think about how sad it all is and not want to come back and wallow in the angsty goodness again and again. Woot! Sales! (That last part was sarcastic.)
      b) They’re lying about the reconciliation and but sucking up their personal feelings for the franchise. Team players. Producers HATE that shit.
      c) They’re not lying about the reconciliation but it won’t last, because getting back together after the trust is broken hardly ever works, but that’s being in your 20s for you. Oh, well.
      d) They’re not lying about the reconciliation and will love it up for the cameras and have legendary careers until one or both (a la The Notebook) dies of old age and everyone lives happily ever except the one guy who should have acted like an adult in this situation, Rupert whatshisname, from whom we’ll never hear again, as he isn’t as inexplicably charming as Michael Bay, for whom fucknut behavior is SOP. Good.

  16. mrsmass

    damn Fish, you are really obsessed with the pube pulling from 50 Shades.

  17. Jen

    That might just be the hardest I’ve ever laughed/snorted at a post here! Thanks.

  18. patgraham3

    Not sure why anyone has a right to say YAY or NAY on this. Regardless of who did or does what, they have a right to try to make it together anyway. I don’t have a problem with it, and not sure why people who don’t have any personal knowledge of any of it, seem to think they know the facts.

  19. Anonymous

    Pretty there will be a pregnancy announcement in the next couple months.

  20. Al

    Omg. She is only 22. No one did stupid things they regretted at 22?

  21. Pat C.

    Since I think monogamy is overrated anyway, I don’t see anything wrong with this couple.

  22. Seriously – do any of us REALLY care, when there are pics of hot lesbians kissing in the next thread above this one?

  23. Kristen Stewart Fake Breasts Comic Con
    Commented on this photo:

    Hee Hee! “Harder than expected” I bet. I am happy for them. They’re still just figuring out where things go, and should not go…

  24. jake

    The gullible delusional fans are really sucking to it big time.the summit/lionsgate/Kristen PR are really dong a good job sellng the BD2 to the disgruntled fans back to thier graces.let light a firecrackers and dance around the bonfire.its so hilarious believing the reconciliation is happning at all.poor Rob its not enough being cheated,hurt an humiilated .thy want him to look likea stupid cockulded fool too.he is in a no win situations.

  25. Ben

    And every night she is gone for work or whatever he will wonder. It will eat him alive.

  26. Hopefully he’s just getting some nostalgia pussy while simultaneously prepping a new crop of cum catchers around the world.

  27. Palemon Pappassmearus

    Dude , seriously , don’t take a dip in the old pool ! Find a new pool to swim in . The old pool has some other guys genetic blueprint still swimming in it

  28. tlmck

    So the relationship, cheating scandal, breakup, and reconciliation are all fake? Who knew?

  29. Alpha Female

    A little birdie told me they’re getting paid a lot of money to pretend they made up. If they stayed broken up it would have fucked things up for the release of last Twilight movie. Obvi.

  30. The Royal Penis

    He’s a giant cuckold’ed douchebag if he takes her back.

  31. thomas

    Both of these tards were told by the studio and their agents to effing get back together so dumbasses would go watch them in their last movie together. After the movie’s premier and it’s millons, these two tards will go their separate ways. People, Newstands, etc will all buy into the whole Patterson cheated on Kristen bull shit or vice versa.

  32. bubbles

    LEAVE BRITTNEY ALONE!!!!!! D’:

  33. Kristen Stewart Fake Breasts Comic Con
    bigfun
    Commented on this photo:

    either way she is still uglier then 5 fat bitches fucking in a 2 seater

Leave A Comment