“Then you just keep doing this for awhile, and they’ll pretty much do whatever the fuck you say. Next question.”
Earlier in the week the British tabloids were claiming that Robert Pattinson finally took Kristen Stewart back which seemed unlikely considering how epically stupid and public her cheating on him was. Turns out these two really want to make it look like they’re relationship exists/existed solely to sell Twilight tickets because People‘s confirming they really are back together:
Stewart, 22, and Pattinson, 26, met up in Los Angeles over the weekend of Sept. 15, PEOPLE reports in its upcoming issue.
And, according to an insider, the Twilight hunk’s pals “think they’ll be a couple again.”
While Pattinson was completely heartbroken over the split, says another source, moving on is “easier said than done … and clearly harder than expected.”
Of course, a more likely scenario is Summit Entertainment mailed Robert Pattinson his mother’s pinky finger along with a note saying, “Take the bitch back,” but that doesn’t have all the mystery and romance fans of the series have come to expect. So let’s just say Kristen was under the spell of an evil vampire who feeds off of girls getting their vagina licked by dudes who aren’t their boyfriends, so Robert Pattinson cried for hours before slaying said vampire with a sparkling sword forged from his tears and then they had a baby and he was totally cool with Kristen getting fat because of it. In fact, “she looks more real and I actually prefer his this way,” he’d later tell the villagers in their kingdom for he’s a prince now. A handsome, dashing prince – who likes pulling pubes. (That was for you, moms.)