“Cropdusting Without Emotion: The Kristen Stewart Story”
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart just got back together (for the sake of the Twilight franchise) a few weeks ago, so of course they’re already cohabiting again because a.) it’s convenient and b.) you want to keep Kristen Stewart out of a car as much as possible or else she gets her pussy licked by other dudes. Think of it like a nervous tic. Us Weekly reports:
But they haven’t exactly returned to the way they were before July, when Us broke the news that the Twilight actress, 22, had cheated with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders, 41.
As Us revealed last week, Pattinson, 26, and his estranged love recently “had a dramatic makeup.” But a source tells Us the British hunk “is extra-sensitive right now. He’s insecure.”
“Yep, insecure and sensitive, alright. In fact, something like that make a man start brooding like, oh I dunno, say a lovelorn vampire who wishes nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with his beloved in theaters November 16, 2012.” – What Us Weekly might as well have written.
Photo: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
Oh, who cares what these fuckers do. It’s not like either one is a prize. “They make a weird couple”…said NO ONE, ever. They are cut from the same cloth, and normal people shouldn’t be subjected to them, so them being together is actual good for humankind.
lol
“I’m just really vulnerable and needy right now and Kristin means so much to…Excuse me, what? No, I don’t know what a cuckold is. Are they in the Twilight books?”
The reconcillation sex must be awesome, they can go out together and promote their last little vampire romance flick, and then in early in 2013 they can quietly announce through their publicists that they’ve gone their separate ways but will always feel the greatest of friendship for the other.
Now that that’s resolved let us all indulge in a round of bong hits to celebrate their eternal luv.
pick it, pack it, fire it up, come along, and take a hit from the bong.
I guess it’s the best plan for Rob to squeeze in a couple of revenge fucks before this is over, cash in his last Twilight check and THEN kick her to the curb. Drama free.
But I do wish he had walked out of this mess with his head held high. More embarrassing interviews keep popping up. There’s a new one in which she says (this was conducted before the scandal) that she hides from the paparazzi by changing cars in empty parking lots. Oh, the hilarity.
If Sanders gave her a proper dicking she wouldn’t go back to Sparklepuss.
He probably couldn’t satisfy her the way a spindly albino with a fivehead can. You know, by taking a strap-on in the dumper.
She did it to coax the best effort from her director, and because she was bored and horny. The guy IS married after all….that counts for a little something.
They’re playing nice because of the release of the final movie. Which I guess it’s a good thing to do. You owe the studio and the people that made you quasi-relevant the decency of behaving and showing up to the last premieres. In the end, twihards will still show up and support it even if these two break up. Robert has been showing up alone to Emmy parties and other events in the last few weeks, so i guess he might be sending his own message. Keep in mind he doesn’t have a PR.
If he is taking her back for real then Roberto, you are a silly, silly man.
Any other dumb conspiracy theories you’d like to share?
what everyone said so far.
now back to jerking off to lady Gaga’s ass.
I wonder if her snatch still tastes like married Jew. Someone ask Pattinson next time they see him off his leash.
Creampie anyone?
Hollywood is desperate for the Twilight money like a teenage girl for birth control pills after a wild party. So I’m sure Robert made the studio execs sell their souls to him for this PR gig. How Robert got Beelzebub to give up those souls, however, is beyond me. The man is good!
“…birth control pills AFTER a wild party…?”
There is such a thing as a morning after pill and if you remembered anything about teenage years you knew no teenager thinks about protection before the deed. Sometimes not even after.
still a better love story than “Twi….” wait….
“take this one Rob. You won’t hear it. Just feel it. Smell and contemplate.”
I was wondering when someone was going to notice she looks like she’s trying to help some gas escape.
Is she dancing, or just shaking the last of Rupert Sanders out so she and Robert can get on with their lives?
I fart in your gen-er-allll di-rection!! Go Monty Python!!!!
Some lawyer tapped the fine print at the bottom of a long contract. Sorry guys, it says it right there, “no breaking up,” while said vampire franchise is still milking money from fat girls.
That’s mean, and incomplete. There’s plenty of skinny ugly girls, and their dumpy moms forking over money to them as well. Probably a couple of gay dudes too.
Thank goodness their phony relationship wasn’t ruined by her whoring and his being a gullible pussy.
Yeah, what ever happened to Spencer Pratt?
If you blend their faces together, you’d see that these two would likely have ugly babies.
Dude , You could be on top of the world , and on top of tens of thousands of willing , hot girls that would let you defile them in unspeakable ways
Which is what I call irrefutable proof that RPLTC.
Rich Vos really needs to keep better company
Sure, this is great news for the franchise, but what does Robert’s boyfriend think?
Doesn’t she have advisers to advise her that doing the achy breaky dance in an airport won’t help her any?
And not a single fuck was given that day.
Doin’ it Gangnam Style I see…
Is it just me or does that stupid bitch have a “I don’t give a fuck” look on her face at all times? Is there something wrong with her teeth or something? You’re a fucking millionaire honey, try giving your fans a smile.
Ugh, I hate this attitude.
I like to imagine he took her back purely to cockblock Franco.
She’s beautiful and talented and all the haters can just go eat some oreos or something and mellow. I am happy for them.
Well at least you and the other four people who believe this ‘news’ is happy.
I dunno…I like her. I think she’s hot. Shit…she’s got money, she has a small and tiny frame, young, has a “I don’t give a fuck” attitude…what’s not to like again??? I’d take her back in a heartbeat!