Kristen Stewart Got Rear-Ended, Apparently Lives in Her Car

“Man, I’m tryin’ to smoke in here with, like, these bags, man…”

Kristen Stewart got in an accident in Hollywood yesterday, and while other sources will try to say she was driving, I’m going to arrange our photos so it looks like she was having a mid-day clam bake in the trunk when a woman hit her parked car because they’re goddamn murderers behind the wheel. It’s the responsible thing to do.

Adding… Apparently mini Coopers stop working and require a tow after the slightest of bumps, but they do hold a ton of bags full of Robert Pattinson’s clothes, unwashed just how he likes ‘em. Make of that what you will.

Photo: Pacific Coast News