Kristen Stewart Got Rear-Ended, Apparently Lives in Her Car

July 15th, 2011 // 75 Comments

“Man, I’m tryin’ to smoke in here with, like, these bags, man…”

Kristen Stewart got in an accident in Hollywood yesterday, and while other sources will try to say she was driving, I’m going to arrange our photos so it looks like she was having a mid-day clam bake in the trunk when a woman hit her parked car because they’re goddamn murderers behind the wheel. It’s the responsible thing to do.

Adding… Apparently mini Coopers stop working and require a tow after the slightest of bumps, but they do hold a ton of bags full of Robert Pattinson’s clothes, unwashed just how he likes ‘em. Make of that what you will.

Photo: Pacific Coast News


  1. cc

    ‘Apparently mini Coopers stop working and require a tow’

    They are shitboxes…with every purchase you get 5 free tow coupons. Almost a month’s supply.

    • If it were a Pinto she’d be dead.

      • Chris

        Actually if you look at the photo closely the passenger side rear tail light is busted so thats why the car required a tow. I own a 2010 Cooper S and frankly its been a wondeeful car.. They can all have issues.

      • twat

        What wait what? Light…tow…light…tow… *scratches head* light…pedal…engine…light…tow? Fuck it, guess I missed that movie.

  2. Frank Burns

    Just wanted to post the first of many “I wouldn’t mind rear-ending Kristin Stewart!” comments. Score!!

  3. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    i would totally fuck the boredom out of her

  4. SuperficialAdmin

    if she sit on my face will i be bored?

  5. for a chick with few curves she looks might fine in jeans. why she driving a mini tho, weren’t those cars for like 16yo’s who wanted to learn small engines? not even sure it’s a step up from the robin (reliant)

  6. whiskeyafternoon

    at least her perma-frown is appropriate for once.

  7. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
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    awesome!! :D

  8. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
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    nice ass?

  9. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
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    whoa that ladies pants desperately want to be camel toes upon

  10. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    Might want to uh, blur that license plate out. Just sayin’.

  11. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    Shoot, I’d rear end her too, lookin’ all fine and bitchy witchoself.

  12. dealote

    She’s got such a tight little body, I just want to bounce her up and down on my lap like a dirty Santa.

  13. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    rough/game of trolles
    Commented on this photo:

    Due to this woman’s negligence, KS missed her 2 hour schedule showering…

  14. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    For her sake…..blur the plate man…..

  15. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    I title this image:


  16. barracho

    Everything is so goddamned perky on her. Her face may be cranky, but they can’t keep her ass from winking and giggling at me.

  17. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    too easy

  18. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    I think the car getting towed was possibly the most ridiculous thing out of this story.

  19. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    “Awww, you mean your charming personality couldn’t score you a decent bed at R Patt’s place? That’s so sad.”

  20. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    oh how it beacons..

  21. Any Guy

    this girl is SO god damn HOT. Fuck the fat bitches that hate on my Kristen. come to PAPA baby, and let me buy you a REAL friggin’ car. please!

  22. rollob

    I like her bitchface, I just want to bend her over and wipe that smirk right off her.

  23. Poor Kristen, it looks very cramped in that Transformer’s asshole.

  24. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    smokin’ hawt!…and no jokes about being rear-ended are needed! Kristen blows smoke!

  25. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    Blur that sh*t man!

  26. Benwa

    again, another Daily Mail article.

    If you have the wit to make up your own smartass comments, there’s really no reason to even visit this site…just go to

  27. the captain

    homelss due to the financial crises, folks!!

  28. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    nice view

  29. Hakuin

    The jeans lie!

    There is hardly any junk in that trunk.

  30. Parker

    aww this story sucks. I thought rear ending a girl meant something different.

  31. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    The matte black Mini actually gives me a bit more respect for her.

  32. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    The Old Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    DOH!! Someone’s getting in trouble for not blurring that plate!

  33. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    what the h,… did she think it could explode or something? The damage can barley be seen, wtf

  34. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
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  35. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
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    Why the fuck do I gotta keep re-clicking those arrows?

  36. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck is with all of these comments about her having a nice ass? She has the ass of a 12 year old boy. Apparently this site is over-run with British people who have a skewed perspective of what a nice ass is.

  37. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    She does realize she’s only supposed to play a vampire in the movies, right?

  38. niccods

    tasty little tenderloin

  39. Has the “I’d like to rear-end her too..” comment been made already? I was too impatient to read first this time.

  40. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she changed plates recently. And now because of this post she will have to again.

  41. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
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    It’s barely got a scratch and she towing it? I’m rolled car and driven away from the scene (vodka bottle still in hand)

  42. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    This crack whore like getting rear ended.

  43. tlmck

    Too bad she is an overpaid actress. Getting hit by a Jag would be a ka-ching moment for a lot people.

  44. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like a custom matte paint job. My guess is the car is being sent over to that shop, and she doesn’t have time/feel like bringing it over herself. She’s got enough money to have it sent there, and go drive another of her cars. I’d do the same.

  45. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
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    That dude is trying like crazy to get a look at the crack of her ass. I would too!

  46. Daisy Kenyon

    She seems so normal. I really like her!

  47. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    Why did this require a tow? Did she go to the hospital in a neckbrace, too?

  48. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks good in these pics. I don’t know why everyone says she’s so average and ugly. She definitely has a nice body and she looks in shape.

  49. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    it’s been a long time since i’ve since someone “roll up” their skinny jeans…is this 1989?

  50. Kristen Stewart Car Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    i’m rolling up my jeans right now…yeah i’m cool like the white twilight girl!

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