Kris Jenner: The New Face Of Lube

February 9th, 2012 // 73 Comments
'Shill For Mommy'
Alex Roldan
Kris Makes Kylie Tweet Pic of Khloe's Real Dad Read More »

And of course she’s holding a penguin. The most vagina-looking bird of them all…

When Kris Jenner decided to use all that whoring around she did behind Robert Kardashian‘s back to shill her new book and lay the groundwork for outing Khloe as a bastard on cable television, I didn’t even stop to think there was an even more diabolical endgame in the works. And that endgame is lucrative lube endorsements. Via Life & Style:

Life & Style has exclusively learned that she’s signed on to be the spokeswoman for Zestra Essential Arousal Oils, which claims to enhance a woman’s sexual pleasure by heightening sensitivity to touch.
“She’s tried it and uses it. She wants to promote great sex,” a source tells Life & Style about Kris, who has been married to Bruce since 1991. “Zestra is an over-the-counter product clinically proven to enhance a woman’s sexual pleasure.”

ZESTRA – Because a dry vagina shouldn’t stop you from cheating on your husband so much you eventually have to explain to him why his new daughter looks like the goddamn Wendigo.

Available at Walgreens, CVS and Rite-Aid.

Photos: Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. You win Kris. You have become indistinguishable from a parody of yourself.

  2. Yeah, ’cause nothing says arousal like Kris Jenner.

    *horf*

    • anonymoose

      This lube company could not have picked a more out of touch person, or a more mannish hag to shill their product. Nice going! They’ll never get my business.

  3. Star Droppings

    Zestra: for the days when you’re tighter than Bruce Jenner’s face lift.

  4. SuperJ

    I think my penis just broke.

  5. So in private, does Bruce call her Dusty Cooter?

  6. Donald Trump

    This fucking whore is such a whore. Is there anything this whore won’t do for money?

  7. dinosaurland

    Nothing makes me feel sexier than using a sex product endorsed by an old lady desperately clinging to her youth, and who has presumably tried said product with her wax figure husband. Oh yeah. It’s Niagara down there.

  8. Shasha

    When I think of dry vagina I think of Kris Jenner.

  9. pornstar

    mmmm money. I love the smell of fresh money.

  10. Thanx in advance

    Fish, could you please dispense with any further posts about this band of whores.

  11. EricLr

    I just rub a little on Bruce’s servos, and bam…he almost passes for human!

    • CranAppleSnapple

      I assumed she glues her eyes shut with this product. Seriously, if she can get off with BRUCE, she should be everyone’s inspiration. At self-pleasuring, that is.
      Obviously as a person she’s a fetid, soulless wendigo.

  12. jamiewithanh

    The obvious question is WTF? Kris Jenner does not/will not ever make me want to purchase this.

    And secondly, when the for-really out Khloe as a illegitimate, will they also finally admit she has a monster penis hiding somewhere down there, because I am pretty sure he does.

    • Donald Trump

      Kris had Khloe’s monster penis removed right after birth. No way she would allow that stain on the Kardashian name.

  13. Senate sneaks in SOPA under a new name

    Hey FISH, this is what your vaunted democratic leadership is up to now…how do you like that??? And here we thought only republicans want to censor.

    ht tp://rt.com/usa/news/senate-sopa-new-internet-847/

    Yet another example of how our rulers trample our rights while pretending to be looking out for us. If you blindly support EITHER party, you are being hoodwinked.

    • This is where the liberals get delusional; all parties are the same. You can paint a politician liberal or conservative but they are all rich and don’t give a shit about the rest of us.

      • CranAppleSnapple

        No, Liberals care about everyone, Republicans only care about themselves. That’s how you tell them apart.

      • GodDamn

        Do you have any idea how retarded you sound? Both parties only care about them selves, they are the most psychotic and narcissistic people on the planet.

      • CranAppleSnapple

        @GD
        You need to look up the word psychotic before you use it again. It doesn’t apply to this discussion.
        So, are you saying that taking a side makes you narcissistic, and the only good people in the world are the non-voters who hate everyone and don’t try to improve things? You could always become an independent militia state and see how well you do all by yourself. On an island somewhere.

  14. Kris Jenner Sexual Enhancer
    Anna
    Commented on this photo:

    fake nose collapsing into itself

  15. Mama Pinkus

    I thought it was bad that a gal could get famous solely because of a dad who pimped to get a double-murderer off scot-free, a sex tape and a big ass – but THIS gal is famous solely because she is the MOTHER of that gal. What kind of fucked up shit is THAT?????

  16. Dan

    Kris Jenner makes my penis hide. This endorsement will never work.

  17. EricLr

    Somewhere, Paris Hilton pissed off and thinking to herself “Why couldn’t *my* mother have a dry hootchie?”

    • Guadalupe

      The idea that they hadn’t discussed where they would live bfeore the wedding which seems to have been the biggest issue with them is baffling. If nothing else, you should at least know a) whether you both want kids or not and b) where you are going to live.I do take issue a little bit with Not only was she not willing to change her name as though that was part of her being selfish and horrible. Being willing to make compromises is important; being willing to make a huge change in your legal identity should not be a requirement.

  18. it had to be said

    “Wendigo”

    I originally read that as “Winnebago” and I thought, is that too harsh? Nah.

  19. Johnny P!

    She agreed to be spokesperson only because they guaranteed her a lifetime supply of it. Since it takes the equivalent of an oil drum of Zestra to restore her desiccated corned-beef curtains to something resembling moist dewflaps, it just made financial sense.

  20. Kris Jenner Sexual Enhancer
    maeby
    Commented on this photo:

    whoa. her nose.

  21. pretty vacant

    i think dressing like a man in a tux is enough to get hubby bruce lubed and ready for action..

  22. Lakeehsa

    I’m 62 years old and when I want to have sex with my 68 year old husband we use lubricant. It’s just a fact of life, as you get older you need some help. I’m Kris Jenner is sponsoring this product, it makes me feel less like wierd sex person when I go to the drug store.

  23. Lakeesha

    Correction, oh it’s gone. Sorry nevermind darn keyboard

  24. Colin

    Excellent use of the word Wendigo. Haven’t heard that one in a while.

  25. SillyPuddy

    Her only regret is that she did not have more children for black guys to pee on. The other Kardashian/Jenner kids are so jealous Kim was the one that got peed on and is therefore the most famous. I mean, it’s gonna take them SO much longer to sell their souls completely and she was able to get it done in one night.

  26. vandinz

    I’ve got an idea. How about you stop posting anything to do with this inbred bunch of fuckers and do us all a favour. That way they disappear. Make a stand, be the first to say “NO” to this family of cunts.

  27. Kris-Hater

    The only “lube” this bitch is a sponsor for is called SPERM, all of which was wasted when creating her and the whole fucking Kardashian Klan of HOs and stupid Cunts!

    Do us all a favor and stop posting shit about all these useless fucking carbon life forms. There ain’t a one in the bunch I wouldn’t beat with a baseball bat if I had a chance. Word Bitches!!

  28. west

    Nicole Brown was smart. She predicted this nasty bitch would exploit her murder long after.

  29. Mat

    The first thing that came to my mind when I saw this picture was “She looks like Fred Savage…”

  30. forrest gump

    you see the dollar signs twinkeling in her eyes?

  31. My Plan to win over Tebow by Kim Kartrashian:
    Step 1: Fake being religious by starting bible study group and attend church with her holiness LeAnn Rimes
    Step 2: Get the fam on board, especially Mom by portraying a deeply religious family and promoting good Christian products.
    Bahahahaha! *evil laugh* I will fool them all!
    *pats self on back*

  32. anonym

    this bitch makes me want to vomit.

    i hate looking at her fucking annoying face

    • Rajmund

      @Marie-You reiterate how one can learn from a teiravy of sources, whether you support them or not!@Suba-REally good questions. Clearly her massive success would have been more difficult without the initial exposure to celebrity. But, really, her prior husband’s relationship with OJ was the first intro to the Kardashian name.@Krantcents-As usual, your sensible apporach points out the simple steps for success.

  33. Blech

    ♪ ♫ ♫ “Just let your vag glow, baby,
    Feeling oh, so silky smooth.
    Just let it shine through, yeah.
    Just let your vaaaaaaag glow, ooooo.” ♪ ♫ ♫

    “Zestra.”

  34. Kris Jenner Sexual Enhancer
    spartacus
    Commented on this photo:

    She is cancer in human form

  35. Kris Jenner Sexual Enhancer
    spartacus
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s just nothing left to support that nose except coke fragments

  36. Kris Jenner Sexual Enhancer
    spartacus
    Commented on this photo:

    hey little penguin… how do you feel about getting peed upon?

  37. Mike

    I love my friends…..I LOVE THEM!

  38. terri

    Seriously she is one of the most money grabbing fame whores she would sell her daughters viginity just so she can get her cut she is sick.

  39. Kris Jenner Sexual Enhancer
    Sgt Bustup
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m sorry, but I would definitely hit that!…I mean, hit her in the face, and then…hit her lady parts. Then again, her lady parts must look pretty hit up already…I can only hope she got a vag-lift, with that face lift. :P

  40. zero

    I’d hit it.

  41. Fred

    Zestra just sounds too much like “Olestra” for me to ignore. So now I’m confusing lube with anal leakage — wait, I suppose they could be the same thing, after all. Go Kris!

  42. Kris Jenner Sexual Enhancer
    moopy
    Commented on this photo:

    botched nose job

  43. Kris Jenner Sexual Enhancer
    Commented on this photo:

    Blackberry = Loser

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