Why Is Kris Jenner In A Bikini? God Is Dead

September 16th, 2013 // 59 Comments
Kris Jenner Bikini Instagram

With her talk show dead on the table, Kris Jenner needed to find some way to whore herself because the first rule of whoremastering is “Whore everything there is to be whored and even that which cannot be whored for only then in the hour of whoring may the art of whore be achieved.” So here she is in a bikini on Instagram because she’s just as pretty as Kim. “If not more because do you know how often that girl shaves? We bought stock in Gillette when she was 14. Let that sink in.” *unhinges jaw, swallows Mason* “Mmm, delicious youth…”

 

Kris Jenner Bikini Instagram

It’d be a valid question to ask why the hell I published this. Except an even more valid question would be why would you even look down here after knowing full well what was waiting for you? Do you fire loaded guns into your face just to see what’ll happen? Because that honestly would’ve been a better idea than this. In fact, there’s still time. We’ll go together.

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Photo: Instagram

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  1. Dr Bunsen

    You know I understand the constant Kardashian links. Even the Miley stuff BUT WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO *THIS* TO US?

  2. brick

    Well, the parts between her neck and the water ain’t all that bad.

    • Barf KardAssians

      OBVIOUSLY after the delivery of kims Kid her and the grandma went and had major plastic /laser cold fusion surgery.

  3. officelinebacker

    This isn’t Kris Jenner, it’s Gozer from the Ghostbuster’s movie.

  4. Does the refraction of light through waves of water make me look fat?

  5. Witches are suppose to dissolve into goo when water is applied to them? Especially the EVIL ones?

  6. Never once has my daughter said, “Wait, before we go to the pool I need to put on an ugly necklace.”

  7. Hugh Jass

    She is an absolute genius. Most moms would be mortified if their daughter was in a sex tape, but she turned it into a cottage industry. She should get a Nobel prize in economics.

  8. RayJ

    Will she let me pee on her, or suck the shit bits off my dick after shafting her back hole?

  9. tod

    not a true bikini shot, 90% of women would look ok in this type of pic where their hail dammaged fat ass and gut is hidden under water. probably a little photoshop too

  10. Are we supposed to be impressed? With Photoshop I could make The Elephant Man look like Miranda Kerr.

  11. EricLR

    In all fairness, I think it would be much more appropriate to call her a pimp (or madam, if you prefer) these days than a whore. Her prime whoring days were in the 80′s. Now she mostly turns her daughters out for cash.

    And them bitches BETTER HAVE MOMMA’S MONEY!!

    • Temporarily Blind

      She reminds me from the evil mother in “East of Eden.” Only older and uglier, and fatter, and flabbier.

  12. so much for no kartrashiass story here for a while.

  13. Temporarily Blind

    Silly Fish, God never existed in the first place, of which this photo is also proof positive,

  14. Kel

    I would rather get gang banged by a pod of dolphins than have to see this

  15. For me, the best parts about this pic are, A) how she has full make-up on, while, “Lounging in the pool” and B) the fact that her head looks like it was photo shopped on to her body.

  16. that’s right bitch, keep all that shit underwater. DO NOT get out of the pool.
    PS The face is so photoshopped she looks like a cartoon character.

  17. It’s not Kris. It’s Bruce with makeup and breast support.

  18. 1. take photo
    2. photoshop photo
    3. upload photoshopped photo to Instagram
    4. ??
    5. Profit!

  19. cc

    Their tv contract is expiring and rumor has it there’s not too much interest in renewing it. So, they are out their pimpin’.

  20. Just like an iceberg – there’s a lot more beneath the water.

  21. mavis davis

    Isn’t this the same form of torture used at Gitmo, known as visual castration?

  22. anonym

    photoshop is the greatest invention for mankind.

  23. JC

    I’d like to see the day after photo where the necklace left a lion’s mane tan lines.

  24. ace11

    and Im sure she probably “did it ” with the Younger Towel Boy or Photog on hand to take that photo

  25. You know how if you listen to Taylor Swift or Katy Perry you can actually hear the Autotune running? Same applies to Photoshop.

  26. mua

    That old hag is STILL TRYING to convince us that she looks good??? Chris, you old bat, you have become a caricature of yourself! Your are the laughing stock of the internet…keep those wannabe “sexy” pics coming!

  27. mua

    They photo chopped one eye so much they made it cross-eyed! What a joke! She’s a joke! Does she even realize how un-sexy this is and how it is only accomplishing the OPPOSITE of what she’s trying to prove…that she’s relevant and other guys want to look at her and women wish they were her! She’s an idiot for a mother, crying to Scott that she’s worried about what he might do to her daughter. You dumb whiny bitch!

  28. Fish you bastard, I can’t avoid her face when I scroll away from it. Up aaagh down aaagh!

  29. Like we don’t know this shit isn’t photoshopped to all kinds of hell. And why is this old spit bucket tramp trying to compete with her younger slutty daughter anyways?

  30. Nice try at her attempting to wear that big necklace to try and conceal all the turtle necked wrinkles and shit that have accumulated underneath her chin. Just give it up already pimpstress whore..

  31. Skeeter

    Has she posted a pic of her ass yet?

  32. goober

    Even with all the Photoshop, gross…

  33. She looks good for a woman in her 80s.

  34. Kris is beautiful inside and out.

  35. well hell, she looks kind of good. Terrible nose job but other than that, not bad.

  36. Bruce?…Is that you?

  37. So skanky she has to swim in douche.

  38. Dee

    Fuck she’s ugly. Where are her lips?

  39. Whatever

    What a fascinating cross between Michael Jackson and Lord Voldemort.

  40. Yeah, I would. I’m not too proud.

  41. logan

    I find this hilarious. This old bitch is never going to stop. She will keep trying to make money the easy way until she is 90. I think they are all grifters, but someone keeps buying. I am waiting for the photo of Bruce in a mankini. That’s pretty much all that is left.
    Lamar is on the run. Kim has abandoned the ship and Scott’s photos prove he is indeed a dick. Yep, Bruce in a mankini is next.

  42. llllllllll

    Is t hat Sylvester Stallone’s mother?

  43. It’s so tiresome watching badly aging women pretend to be “hot”. Woman, you wouldn’t make the cut at a casting for GILF pr0n.

  44. Getting the last of her 15 minutes before that lame empire falls. ATTENTION WHORE. WHOLE FAMILY ONLY FAMOUS FOR BOOBS AND BUTT and sex tapes and now whoring out ur other daughters…Gee thanks for that.

  45. The Gent

    This appears to be a fake. The skin tones of the face are slightly lighter than the body. The head appears to be balanced on the neck, unlike as it appears in real life. (Go look in the mirror… does your head seem to be balanced on the top of your neck?) I think it’s a Photoshop fake – and not a very good one.

  46. per hansa

    She’s 57. I’d still fuck the hell out of her

  47. Peter

    If she were my woman I’d spend at least 5 hours a day banging her or at least jerking off on her if she gets tired of me putting the hammer down on her vagina and rear end.

    • Narsisidasions

      She had those hammer parts stiched and reconstructed so your good to go.
      Oh waite is that kim or grandma?

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