Kris Humphries Sued For Allegedly Giving A Woman Herpes, Woman Sadly Not Kim Kardashian

August 30th, 2012 // 58 Comments
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A year before agreeing to be Kim Kardashian‘s fake husband, Kris Humphries allegedly had unprotected sex with a woman who claims he gave her herpes and is now suing him for it because apparently you can do that now. Anyone know what the payout is for the clap? No reason. RadarOnline reports:

“Once Kayla Goldberg and Kris Humphries arrived at his hotel room they had sexual intercourse more than once, becoming intimate partners,” the court documents assert. “During their interactions Humphries also performed oral sex on Goldberg….Defendant Humphries did not at any time inform Plaintiff that he was infected with the incurable venereal disease, Herpes Simplex Virus.”
Goldberg claims she was “free of any venereal diseases at the time she commenced her intimate relationship with Kris Humphries…Goldberg developed symptoms of herpes about or around four to five days after the first sexual encounter with Humphries. These symptoms included sore throat, fever, body aches and immobilizing pain, extreme pain, extreme vaginal irritation and painful lesions on her genitalia. A doctor officially diagnosed Goldberg with Herpes on September 8, 2010, through an examination and swab test.”

I really hope this is true and here’s why: If Kim Kardashian doesn’t have herpes, that means she never had sex with Kris Humphries which proves their marriage was never consummated and a fraud thus nullifying their pre-nup and he gets a ton of her money. But if she does have herpes, then there is God and he’s really not that big of a dick after all. “Don’t worry about the whole Mila and Ashton thing. She just has a brain tumor, it’ll work itself out. Now watch me make another celebrities’ butt pop out. SHOCK-A-BOOEY!

Photos: Splash News


  1. jd

    Considering the cast of characters she HAS had sex with, what are the odds Kimmie DOESN’T have herpes?

  2. Schmidtler

    OK, so this chick found out a few days afterwards that she got herpes, and is suing only now, years after the fact? What’s with these Jews, suing over everything – wahh waah, the Nazis killed my family, waaah waah, the germans stole our property, waah waah, Kris Humphries gave me herpes. Suck it up and quit with the crying people.

    • I love how people assume that when news of a lawsuit breaks, it means that only now is someone seeking a claim, and not that talks and negotiations have been going on for months, because that’s totally how the legal system works.

      CLAIMANT: I want to sue a celebrity for giving me herpes.
      LAWYER: *hits intercom button* Sharon, would you get in here? I need to dictate a press release. (To claimant:) It’s important that we do this first, and not, say, try to quietly reach a settlement that they might be amenable to so they won’t be publicly embarrassed.

      And of course, an additional -1 for the anti-Semitism.

      • w/e

        Because I can’t click the thumbs up.

      • Schmidtler

        You’ve been here long enough to know sarcasm, yet whiffed on it miserably here.
        It takes 30 days to mail a demand letter & either get a response, or file the suit – not over 2 years. You wait too long to file suit, and then as the plaintiff, there’s serious issues of spoliation of evidence, unreliability of witness statements that are old, witnesses become unavailable over time, and all that. You don’t spend over 2 years dicking around before you sue. But hey, what would I know, you’re obviously a lawyer, right?
        Anyhow, I won’t argue too much, this obviously wasn’t the comedy masterpiece of the day. Probably too subtle and sophisticated for this crowd.

      • Your “sarcasm” was about as funny and spot-on as Michael Richards’s “he’s a ni–er” rant.

        And I’m not a lawyer, but it’s clear that neither are you. You don’t know when this woman first contacted a lawyer, or any of the details about the preliminary back-and-forth between the two sides. So how about you refrain from passing judgment until you know shit about shit? (By the way, I think that 30-day rule applies to each legal step in the preliminary process, not “if we don’t settle this in 30 days, we file our suit.”)

        Also, have you noticed that it’s 10 months later and Kris and Kim still aren’t divorced? Oh, yeah, legal negotiations soooo take no time at all.

      • Schmidtler

        Actually, I am a lawyer, you have no f’ing clue wtf you’re talking about, and your dim wittedness in seeing the humor in my equivocating the enormous chasm between the catastrophic loss of life / property at the hands of the nazis and ‘chris humphries gave me herpes’ does not transform my attempt at humor into anti semitism.
        fyi, neither humphries or kk attempted to ‘negotiate’ anything over any period of time, divorce papers were filed with the court, and neither of them waited 2 years after splitting up to file papers. Filing a suit does not preclude negotiating a settlement, in fact, the act of filing a suit and setting the wheels of a court action in motion is what is often required to spur the defendant into serious settlement negotiations. Your smarmy attitude is no substitute for actual insight or knowledge.

      • El Jefe

        You could not figure out he was an attorney from his response Tom? It was pretty obvious by the language that he used.

      • w/e

        “OK, so this chick found out a few days afterwards that she got herpes, and is suing only now, years after the fact? What’s with these Jews, suing over everything – wahh waah, the Nazis killed my family, waaah waah, the germans stole our property, waah waah, Kris Humphries gave me herpes. Suck it up and quit with the crying people.” waah waah, lol, who would have thought a proud legitimate lawyer would make this comment on a site featuring the likes of the Kardashians? :))

      • El Jefe: Maybe if he spelled “spoliation” right. And, you know, wasn’t a regular on the Superficial with the free time to post his rants every hour.

      • Una Stannard

        Yeah, we get your herp too, Tommy Boy. Spend all day on a misogynist site yet suddenly get the vapors with comedic anti-semitism.

  3. Smapdi

    Unprotected sex with an NBA player who dated a Kardashian – what could possibly go wrong?

    • Jake

      Insert words for the following:

      {__a ridiculous act___} with {______the name of a person. Any person___} who dated a Kardashian – what could possibly go wrong? {____List starts at 1, goes to 100___}

  4. Blech

    I can’t stand Kris Humphries or Kim K for shit.

    But this bitch is suing because she DECIDED not to use a fucking condom, or even be aware of who she was sleeping with.

    Herpes deserved.

  5. He offered Kim some, but she said, no thanks I already have plenty.

  6. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    Ah those Krafty Kardashians. This is what happens when you go up against them, you get herpes all over your public image lol.

  7. lol

    Almost 3 years later, only in America!

  8. Crissy

    Ok, if she had been raped by this moron, then I understand her suing, but for her not being responsible enough to take care of herself?!! Come on, get a fucking life!

  9. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    Haha thats because Kim is the one who gave it to him…god knows shes picked something up from banging half of the country

  10. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Are cows vunerable to human STDs?

    • USDA Prime McBeef, MD-PhD

      Host tropism is often seen in viral infections. The first step of the virus life cycle is binding to various molecules and proteins present on the host cell surface to mediate entry within the cell. In the case of human herpes simplex virus (HSV), glycoproteins present on the viral envelope bind to heparan sulfate (HS) proteoglycans and several integral membrane proteins present on host cells. This binding interaction is very specific. While both humans and bovine likely produce similar receptors on the cell surface, a change in the HS chains present or an alteration of a few amino acids in the binding motif will likely inhibit attachment and subsequent transfer through the host cell membrane.

      In the event that active HSV virions did bind to bovine cells and were internalized, it is likely that other host proteins necessary for viral replication would not be compatible with HSV.

      • Cock Dr

        The Bronze Age shepherds who were banging the prettiest and easiest to catch ewes in their flocks were probably thinking exactly that, right before the syphillis virus transmuted and took advantage of the eager human host.

      • USDA Prime McBeef, MD-PhD

        Syphilis is caused by a spirochete bacterium called Treponema pallidum. Also the only known reservoir for T. pallidum is humans. Maybe you are thinking of anthrax, the sheepfucker’s disease, or tularemia, the rabbitfucker’s disease.

        I was careful to say “often” as viruses like the influenza virus jump species quite regularly.

      • USDA Prime McBeef, MD-PhD

        And of course the monkey fucking that brought us HIV from the simian immunodeficiency virus.

      • Cock Dr

        Just don’t have sex with any Kardashians or Lohans. Be safe ya’ll.

  11. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    I think the obvious implication is Kim is so riddled with diseases that herpes doesn’t even make her top 10 things to worry about.

  12. Dr Bunsen

    60% of Americans ages 14 – 49 are infected with herpes simplex virus 1 (HSV-1). About 17% of Americans in the same age range test positive for herpes simplex virus 2 (HSV-2).

    If she’s saying oral is to blame then she’s talking HSV-1 (HSV2 is the Paris Hilton type herpes). So unless she can prove she’s slept with no-one since she isn’t going to have much of a chance here. (It would normally take weeks, if not months for symptoms to occur, plus it can lay dormant for years in the body before first appearing, so it could have been gifted to her by someone before Humpries).

    (I know, it’s mean being factual on a gossip site. I am not a doctor, I just play one. With your sister)

  13. w/e

    This news made me quite happy. :)

  14. Buddy The Elf

    How much you wanna bet Momma KrisK is behind this to try and throw some bad press his way during the divorce proceedings?

  15. Drsuess

    The gift that keeps on giving.. Kartrashian style!! .

  16. tech support

    Need to fix the ‘thumbs up’, they don’t always work and posts like this we NEED them!

  17. sam

    Aw. He bought her a new butt plug. What a sweetie.

  18. Punkass

    I takes longer than five days for Herpes to present symptoms.

  19. Roseanne Barr

    So if KK did have sex with her husband she may have passed the herpes virus to 1/2 the African American population.

  20. YEs

    Goldberg v Mankind. I dunno why that popped into my head, I swear I dont watch wrestling.

  21. blah

    It’s probably best to just assume everyone you meet has herpes now.

  22. Crissy

    That is gotta be the biggest bullshit story eveeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! You CANT sue someone for giving an std!

  23. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim doesn’t need to sue, where do you think he got?

  24. marvingirly

    1. If the marriage wasn’t consummated, the whole thing is null and void, and he gets nothing because legally they were never married at all.
    2. He’s getting off lightly with being sued, in the UK a man recently got a 1.5 year prison sentence for giving someone herpes.

  25. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    Butt plug, from the Pleasure Chest in LA

  26. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh, oh, shit, I’m almost not in this picture”
    **ducks head

  27. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    She fucking loves the fucking camera so fucking much. it’s fucking mind blowing

  28. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s completely vapid. she is souless. she is like a ginger that has been dyed. she is a mirror. she is the tear of a unicorn. she is large, and sad, like a kitchen sponge. she doesn’t even have blood. she is a demon

  29. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    She is not a demon. She is an udder.

  30. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    She has that scary smirk on her face. Gets me every time. I shit my pants. Every time. Why does she have to be so scary?

  31. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like a fat ribbon pretending to be happy.

  32. Jakehotep

    Will Kim take the stand? Will the stand take the weight?

  33. mi

    That has nothing to do with Kim K. Time does play a roll. It depends when Kris got the disease also. I have not track all of the divorce between Kim and Kris, but what if Kris got STD after his separation with Kim? So, I really don’t think this has ANYTHING to do with the divorce. What EVER anyway!! Kris should have gotten the divorce and move on.

    AND, by the way, the women who is suing Kris GOT WHAT SHE DESERVE, (although am not happy of the spread of STD). Why would she have unprotected sex with anyone, let alone NBA player? She probably wanted to get pregnant so she could get money from him for child support. That’s what I think why she had unprotected sex. Instead of getting pregnant, she got STD. BOOOOOOYAAAAAAAAAAKAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! I hope she learn her lesson.

  34. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    Even Kris knew how their story was gonna end…

  35. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    This picture was prophetic. She got the gold mine, he got the shaft.

  36. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    oh, you’re just jealous

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