Kris Humphries Got His Rebound From Kim Kardashian Pregnant Like A Genius

It’s no secret Kris Humphries is a gullible idiot, so it only makes sense that he’d follow a spectacularly fake and scripted marriage to Kim Kardashian (That I genuinely believe he thought was real because did I mention idiot?) with knocking up a gold-digger who’s first reaction to finding out she’s pregnant was to immediately sell the news to TMZ without even bothering to tell him even though they’re supposedly back together. She’s gonna make a great mom:

Sources directly connected with Myla tell us Myla confirmed Monday that she’s 3 months pregnant and says Kris is definitely the father.
This could be used in Kris’ divorce with Kim Kardashian, because Kris has claimed he was devastated by the break-up and suffered emotionally. This development further cements the fact that Kris moved on quickly.

Keep in mind, Myla Sinanaj is the same chick who told/sold TMZ that Kris Jenner directed Kim Kardashian’s sex tape right down to the money shot, so right off the bat we know she’s a truth-teller, so I don’t even need to see a DNA test. On that note, these bikini pics are from just a few weeks ago, and apparently Kris Humphries’ semen is the black goo from Prometheus because there’s no way I’m not looking at a water birth even though I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to squeeze the kid directly into the undertow. Sure, the umblicial cord’s there, but let’s say a shark swims up and goes, “What’s up, bloody rope? CHOMP.” You’re on the goddamn news.

UPDATE: Reader Tom Danko has already dubbed the kid “Franken-Baby,” so don’t even bother calling it anything else. You just witnessed perfection.

Photos: Splash News