Kris Humphries Got His Rebound From Kim Kardashian Pregnant Like A Genius

July 5th, 2012 // 87 Comments
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It’s no secret Kris Humphries is a gullible idiot, so it only makes sense that he’d follow a spectacularly fake and scripted marriage to Kim Kardashian (That I genuinely believe he thought was real because did I mention idiot?) with knocking up a gold-digger who’s first reaction to finding out she’s pregnant was to immediately sell the news to TMZ without even bothering to tell him even though they’re supposedly back together. She’s gonna make a great mom:

Sources directly connected with Myla tell us Myla confirmed Monday that she’s 3 months pregnant and says Kris is definitely the father.
This could be used in Kris’ divorce with Kim Kardashian, because Kris has claimed he was devastated by the break-up and suffered emotionally. This development further cements the fact that Kris moved on quickly.

Keep in mind, Myla Sinanaj is the same chick who told/sold TMZ that Kris Jenner directed Kim Kardashian’s sex tape right down to the money shot, so right off the bat we know she’s a truth-teller, so I don’t even need to see a DNA test. On that note, these bikini pics are from just a few weeks ago, and apparently Kris Humphries’ semen is the black goo from Prometheus because there’s no way I’m not looking at a water birth even though I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to squeeze the kid directly into the undertow. Sure, the umblicial cord’s there, but let’s say a shark swims up and goes, “What’s up, bloody rope? CHOMP.” You’re on the goddamn news.

UPDATE: Reader Tom Danko has already dubbed the kid “Franken-Baby,” so don’t even bother calling it anything else. You just witnessed perfection.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. suck it

    This sucks because once again Kartrashian will get away with being a greedy selfish fame whore. I was genuinely hoping that he would be able to expose her bullshit.

  2. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    Does Kris Humphries have a thing for thick pigs?

    • cc

      He rebounded with a manatee.

    • KK

      Yet his previous “thick pig” was recently voted hottest woman alive while you couldn’t bang a 4 if your offered to pay for it.:) Nice try dummy.

      • KK blows little boys

        Nice try, KK. She IS a fat pig, and if she thought she’d get paid on it and/or get attention, she’d blow any dude & take it up the ass…

      • franco

        Funny how that “fat pig” was chosen Hottest Woman Alive while your dumb ass couldn’t even get one of those hungry crackheads you jerk off to:) You wanna see fat pigs? check out the middle-aged soccer moms walking around your town. If you can’t tell the difference between curves and fat you’re fucking retarded. Or most likely just gay.

      • someone

        Haha this is totally Tony using multiple accounts. Who the hells gets 19 thubs down LOL and no one else but tony calls thin women crackheads

      • someone

        *thumbs

      • mismy

        His trolling has gotten even more pathetic lately, I feel sorry for him actually. Can you imagine how much time it must take up to troll at this level?? I guess defending fat celebrities that would never give a fuck about him is a worthy cause…

      • mrsmass

        horseshit. no one would vote her “hottest woman alive” except for herself. i need to see proof, immediately.

  3. Taylor

    The bigger the dude the smaller his brain. Peter Dinklage discovers the Higg’s bosun while Kris Humphries loses his keys and has to break a window to exit his own house.

  4. maeby

    Dude. You’re obsessed with Prometheus. Shut up about it already!

  5. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    Stewie Griffen
    Commented on this photo:

    You can’t even feel sorry for someone as stupid as him.

  6. I wonder what jewelry store they will be registered for the baby shower? 24k gold bolts for the baby’s head will be a great gift!!!

  7. Michelle

    Oh kris of course I’m on the pill. Tee hee moron

  8. joho777

    I’ve asked this question a dozen times before, but why don’t these idiots ever use protection? Especially with a professional celebriy-chaser like Myla Sinanaj.

    I mean, does Kris have any idea who was playing hide-the-salami with Myla before he came to her attention?’

    Why don’t these guys ever wear condoms?

    • The Royal Penis

      1. Because a condom doesn’t feel as good as feeling the vag itself.

      2. Most virile men are instinctively driven to spread their seed everywhere that it will be accepted.

      3. Because of 2, the best part of sex is the final act so to speak…it’s hot to cum inside women.

      Only after the “animal” part is all over/said and done, does the “regret” come….but obviously it much more difficult to deal with at that point.

  9. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    amanda
    Commented on this photo:

    “Chicks with backfat” is a weird and specific preference

  10. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    amanda
    Commented on this photo:

    If she is 2mos pregnant Budweiser is the father

  11. BeBo Wobbley

    I cannot believe that Fish, who apparently is off his meds, wrote the words “Kris Humphries” and “genuis” in the same post…..WTF?

  12. whatthe

    So Kris, you knocked up a chunky bitch with a tramp stamp. Classy!

  13. disillusionisreal

    she has ugly lips….

  14. Frank Burns

    Dear Gays,

    The Kardashian-Humphries nuptials represents what getting married is now. Are you sure you want to get involved with something so disreputable?

    With overwhelming regards,
    Frank Luther King Burns

  15. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    – fog horn –

  16. guest

    Overweight? yeah. But if I had to choose between this and the average sickly model usually on here I’ll take this one.

    • franco

      No doubt.

    • Anonymous

      Okay so if you have to choose between her and Kate Upton. You would choose her? LOL

      You can have her. I’ll take Kate Upton

      • franco

        Kate Upton is that rare exception who actually has curves and doesn’t look emaciated. So yeah, if Kate or Kelly Brook was an option I’d take them! The rest of those models can starve themselves to death for all I care. Most of them are almost there anyway.

      • rican

        Don’t be so quick, that fat back is Kate Upton’s 20 pounds from now. Same square shape.

      • zoff

        Ok poor fella. You just outed yourself:) I almost bought the straight act though. Almost:)

      • Revel

        Seriously:-) I’ll buy it with this girl, but if even Kate Upton is not good enough for your creepy ass you either prefer boys or just have a crackhead fetish.

        Go hang around the nearest methadone clinic. Plenty of toothless hotties with the bodies you’re looking for.

      • Pepper's Pot

        Tony wtf dude.. seriously. this is getting kinda crazy, no? i mean how much time do u spend on this site??

      • mrsmass

        kate upton doesn’t count. she’s not sickly and she’s barely a model.

  17. FanGirl

    She’s only 3 months pregnant, there is still time for an abortion :D

    Remember, its never too late.

  18. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    GOOODDZZILLLLAAAA.

  19. What a stupid cunt. I mean Humphries, of course.

  20. Deidre

    Kris Humphries’ sperm works. There’s some good news.

  21. thespiral

    So he rebounded from Kim Kardashian with an even fatter clone of Kim Kardashian?

    I once questioned if he was really a black man, but he’s more than proved himself. He can quit now.

  22. brian

    She looks more like a Jersey Shore cast-off than a Kim K look-alike.

  23. She looks like she got a second set of boobs under her boobs. Minus the nipples.

  24. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    rican
    Commented on this photo:

    He impregnated a manatee?

  25. El Jefe

    He is a multi-millionaire NBA player and this is the best he can do?

    Pretty obvious someone on here is at work with access to at least 18 or so terminals and voting up or down the crap out of posts.

  26. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    rican
    Commented on this photo:

    The creature from the blue lagoon

  27. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    rican
    Commented on this photo:

    Did you hear the one about Sasquatch all shaved, in a bikini at the beach?

  28. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    joho777
    Commented on this photo:

    So why didn’t Kris wear a condom?

    Becasue he’s a fool. Nothing new, right?

  29. suckmyladydick

    And she already has the eating for two down I see. Actually funny thing is she is a Kardashian, it’s Chloe’s long lost sisquatch!!!

  30. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    Quijibo
    Commented on this photo:

    So, apparently he has a type…

  31. SkyGod2.0

    I know everyone is hating on this chick, but when you think about it, good for her. Kris Humphries is obviously an idiot that doesn’t listen to anyone (you can’t tell me noone told him to stay away from this trash, or AT LEAST wear protection). Fuck him. A fool and his money are soon parted. Since she is also the “baby mama” he’s going to be paying her off for the rest of his life. Stupid fucker deserves it.

  32. The Royal Penis

    Of course Kris is definitely the father, who else would put thier penis in this fat pig?

  33. Nope

    I don’t get it. Dude’s got millions, yet this heifer with her nasty makeup & thick trunk with buddha belly is the best he can do? That’s just wrong…

  34. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    This photo is exactly what you’d see at the very top of “Viewed your profile” in OK Cupid for the past 13 days straight.

  35. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    Capt. Ahab
    Commented on this photo:

    Thar She Blows

  36. guest

    I like Kris Humphries.. I am just surprised that for a rich, handsome guy his choice in women are so low. Why does he insist on going with the bottom feeders when he can get so many higher class girls with better morals who would not want babies until they are married.

    Maybe he lacks confidence in himself as a man that he could do better. Maybe only, fat, dark haired, trashy types turn him on, at least it looks that way. No consideration for what’s in their brains. Someone, please help this guy.

  37. kimmykimkim

    best. rebound. ever.

    considering…

  38. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    JosieBelle
    Commented on this photo:

    It appears she’s the one during the urinating this time – that at least is a step up.

  39. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    CRAZY
    Commented on this photo:

    FROM KIM K TO THAT….LOL….SHE IS FAT AND UGLY….KRIS WAS LUCKY TO GET KIM…HE IS UGLY ALSO….HOW COULD SHE EVEN UNDRESS IN FRONT OF HIM..LOL…KIM K IS ONE OF THE MOST DESIREABLE WOMEN IN THE WORLD…WHAT A JOKE….KRIS REALLY SCREWED.UP…

  40. Nice. I’d love to watch that belly sloshing back and forth.

  41. flimflam

    Who told her a bikini was a good idea?

  42. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    jenny
    Commented on this photo:

    You know, there are just times you need to cover up, this is one of them!

  43. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    justsayin
    Commented on this photo:

    Kris you’re suppose to upgrade NOT downgrade! hahahaha

  44. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    amir
    Commented on this photo:

    So her waist starts just under her nipples?…

  45. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    Captain Obvious here, checkin’ in with…”She might not be pregnant but she sure is one fat bitch!”

  46. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    I wouldn’t fuck that with Nancy Grace’s dick.

  47. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    Dr. Ike
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s a little chubby but I’d definitely do some serious damage to that ass.

  48. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    ms.chrissy
    Commented on this photo:

    the bakc fat rolls are repulsive…needs to join gym ASAP

  49. Myla Sinanaj Bikini Kris Humphries Pregnant
    pbluvsaruba
    Commented on this photo:

    move your hand…whatcha hiding? ohm a beer gut LMAO

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