Bruce & Kris Jenner Stopped Pretending They’re Not Separated

October 9th, 2013 // 32 Comments
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“Oh, how I’ll miss her dryness…” – Bruce Jenner (right)

Now that we’ve covered such pressing topics as Mariah Carey‘s boobs, some chick on DWTS‘s butt, Hot Pockets, and Miley Cyrus wearing next to nothing for the 800th time, let’s move onto Bruce and Kris Jenner‘s separation which they confirmed in an exclusive to Us Weekly, of course. As for the cause, Bruce just wants to golf and play with his helicopters while Kris wants to perpetually whore the entire family until she chokes on their obscene wealth or some younger dude’s dick. God willing both. Except the best part is that they never signed a pre-nup which means Bruce can get half of Kris’ whore’s gold just as the ratings for Keeping Up With The Kardashians are tanking which seems like a nice consolation prize for looking like a neutered burn victim for eight seasons. Not to mention what you could pay Kate Upton to do with that kind of money which, again, is anything. Literally anything.

Photos: Splash News

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  1. Bruce Jenner Kendall Jenner Kylie Jenner Golf
    Commented on this photo:

    “I can’t believe the nerve of these paparazzi harassing us during our private family fun time…scene…”

  2. alex

    Holy crap, Bruce Jenner is looking an awful lot like Glenn Close.

    And Chris is clearly benefiting from eating all of those fetuses.

  3. He needs to take Kylie and Kendall with him, the benefit is two fold: Kris/Satan loses two valuable assets to exploit, and they won’t become empty whores of the kardashian variety.

  4. Bruce Jenner Kendall Jenner Kylie Jenner Golf
    Commented on this photo:

    Taking a shot of your daughter’s ass, nothing creepy about that.

  5. Bruce Jenner Kendall Jenner Kylie Jenner Ice Cream
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    ummm, I understand he’s old, but he’s a former Olympian and Ive seen mummifed corpses with better leg definition than this guy.

  6. Bruce Jenner Kendall Jenner Kylie Jenner Ice Cream
    Commented on this photo:

    Don’t mind us, just out for a stroll with our grandma.

  7. I didn’t even know Kris Jenner and Tilda Swinton were even dating.

  8. Kris Jenner’s married to Kryten?

  9. Cock Dr

    It’s a shame because now Bruce is so tainted with K klan kooties that his future dating life might be problematic. No intelligent not-a-goldigger-or-famewhore woman will want to get involved in any way with that family circus.

  10. HOKIE

    I have been laughing for three minutes straight at that picture. Bravo.

  11. Is it just me or does Bruce look an awful lot like Glenn Close these days?

  12. cc

    TOO LATE you already inflicted two more of your clan on a hapless planet.

  13. EDWARD ELIZABETH HITLER

    Mr. Jenner is very close to being able to say “We. WANT. the ANNN-jelll!”

    (+5 points to anyone who gets the creepy-ass reference).

  14. crb

    Good Lord willing, Billie-Jean Jenner will fleece the living schnazz outta that vampire-whore.

    Please, God…
    Honestly, if I can have only one present for Christmas. LET IT BE THAT!

    -I promise I will travel all the way to Bethlehem to celebrate with the baby Jeezus himself.

  15. EricLR

    Wow, what an incredible coincidence that this whole separation drama is suddenly happening right as their reality show’s ratings are tanking. I would almost think this whole thing was just a publicity stunt engineered by some demon wench in a desperate ploy for viewers. But surely someone as honorable as modest as Kris Jenner would never do something that crass.

    In other news, as the cameras begin to role, the Deadliest Catch captains are suddenly fighting again for no apparent reason.

    • Coming soon to a Fox channel in your area…the Season One premier of the new show, “Divorcing With the Kardashians,” starring Kris Kardashian-Jenner, Bruce Jenner, Khloe Kardashian-Odom, and Lamar Odom with special guest appearances by the entire Kardashian/Jenner gang, several police officers, six attorneys, and a banker or two!

  16. rican

    Poor guy, how is he gonna get all that plastic surgery back?

  17. Smapdi

    Not bad, maybe next time swap Kris Jenner for a Richard Grieco photo: http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/bg/Richard+Grieco+Stars+21+Jump+Street+Premiere+6i_ElP36fVVl.jpg

  18. Bruce Jenner Kendall Jenner Kylie Jenner Ice Cream
    mark
    Commented on this photo:

    Rooting for Bruce to bleed the worst human being on the planet dry. Go Bruce go!

  19. Bruce Jenner Kendall Jenner Kylie Jenner Ice Cream
    Ripley's Believe It Or Not
    Commented on this photo:

    “Here, let daddy press a real boobie against his chest for once. Thanks, gorgeous”

  20. Bruce Jenner Kendall Jenner Kylie Jenner Golf
    Lancebug
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m stoked that Bruce finally decided to make a serious run at the LPGA title. I think he has an honest shot.

  21. So we’ve got Kris, an almost attractive middle-aged woman who, at one time was fucking gorgeous, and Bruce Jenner, a former Olympic Decathlon Champion who wasn’t satisfied looking virile and healthy and instead decided he wanted to look like a sickly, female pinch-nosed prune. I’m broken-hearted because I thought they deserved each other.

  22. Skeeter

    Kris isn’t bad for an old lady. I bet she has had plenty of work done on her asshole to keep it looking top notch.

  23. Bruce Jenner Kendall Jenner Kylie Jenner Ice Cream
    whatever dogg
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t get all the hype over the one on the left, she looks like a praying mantis to me. The other one is actually developing.

  24. Bruce Jenner Kendall Jenner Kylie Jenner Ice Cream
    Dick Cum
    Commented on this photo:

    Look at those long eerie looking toes! yuck!

    Corpse toes

  25. Bruce Jenner Kendall Jenner Kylie Jenner Ice Cream
    Dick Cum
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice outfit grandma

  26. Bruce Jenner Kendall Jenner Kylie Jenner Golf
    Dick Cum
    Commented on this photo:

    He probably plugged both his daughters, the dirty grandma looking pervert!

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