Bruce & Kris Jenner Stopped Pretending They’re Not Separated

“Oh, how I’ll miss her dryness…” – Bruce Jenner (right)

Now that we’ve covered such pressing topics as Mariah Carey’s boobs, some chick on DWTS’s butt, Hot Pockets, and Miley Cyrus wearing next to nothing for the 800th time, let’s move onto Bruce and Kris Jenner’s separation which they confirmed in an exclusive to Us Weekly, of course. As for the cause, Bruce just wants to golf and play with his helicopters while Kris wants to perpetually whore the entire family until she chokes on their obscene wealth or some younger dude’s dick. God willing both. Except the best part is that they never signed a pre-nup which means Bruce can get half of Kris’ whore’s gold just as the ratings for Keeping Up With The Kardashians are tanking which seems like a nice consolation prize for looking like a neutered burn victim for eight seasons. Not to mention what you could pay Kate Upton to do with that kind of money which, again, is anything. Literally anything.

Photos: Splash News