Kourtney Kardashian Hopped Right On Justin Bieber’s Penis

Justin Bieber’s penis is serious Internet right now, so it was only a matter of time until Kris Jenner harpooned one of her daughters on it, and apparently Kourtney Kardashian was the closest one. Which actually makes sense when you remember Kourtney loves tiny, pretty boy douchebags with surprisingly big dicks, and all jokes aside because it’s time for real talk: THAT’S MY ENTIRE M.O. Kourtney, bae, I will get you pregnant. I will get you super, 100% pregnant, and then mentally and physically check out so hard people will think the kid was conceived by the Holy Ghost. You can take that to the bank. But not really because I’ll also be leeching off your money in case you missed the part where I’m exactly everything you want in a man. Shit, feel these hands. They’re like soft, feather pillows you can snap in half. Run to me, girl!

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