An Open Letter To The Idiot Who Took Her 8-Year-Old Daughters To Meet Kourtney Kardashian

Dear “Irate Fan,”

In a recent article for In Touch Weekly, you lamented the fact that you were informed only after already waiting in line with your eight-year-old daughters that it would cost $150 per person to get inside and meet Kourtney Kardashian at the Mirage in Vegas on Saturday. [Ed. Note: Did I not just cover this? – SW] In fact, your exact words were:

“Don’t they have enough money? … Why would I pay $450 for my twin 8-year olds and myself meet her and get a picture? I called yesterday and asked and they said I didn’t HAVE to buy that package buy now I drove down here, paid for gas and told my babies they could see her and it’s changed. I’m not a fan anymore.”

Don’t get me wrong, that sounds incredibly shitty, but it’s also something that should’ve been exactly expected from these people which is only your second biggest mistake here. The first being WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BRINGING EIGHT-YEAR-OLDS TO MEET KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN? Kourtney appeals to me because I’m a lonely, 33-year-old man who likes to look at her breasts and imagine touching them while sadly intercoursing her vagina. But what could she possibly ever offer your daughters in the form of an acceptable role model or even a slightly decent human being? “Stay in school, and maybe one day your sister will make a sex tape with a hip-hop star that your mom will whore into a lucrative television deal making you famous by association only and not because of any discernible talent or work ethic?” Because that is terrible advice. Not to mention almost impossible to pull off in case you completely missed Farrah Abraham squirting out before even making it off the runway. Anyway, my point is I should be legally allowed to report you to child services, but apparently they only intervene when there’s sexual and/or physical abuse which is bad, too, I guess. Honestly, I’m wondering what the hell I even pay taxes for.

Knock it off,

- The Superficial

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