An Open Letter To The Idiot Who Took Her 8-Year-Old Daughters To Meet Kourtney Kardashian

September 3rd, 2013 // 51 Comments

Dear “Irate Fan,”

In a recent article for In Touch Weekly, you lamented the fact that you were informed only after already waiting in line with your eight-year-old daughters that it would cost $150 per person to get inside and meet Kourtney Kardashian at the Mirage in Vegas on Saturday. [Ed. Note: Did I not just cover this? – SW] In fact, your exact words were:

“Don’t they have enough money? … Why would I pay $450 for my twin 8-year olds and myself meet her and get a picture? I called yesterday and asked and they said I didn’t HAVE to buy that package buy now I drove down here, paid for gas and told my babies they could see her and it’s changed. I’m not a fan anymore.”

Don’t get me wrong, that sounds incredibly shitty, but it’s also something that should’ve been exactly expected from these people which is only your second biggest mistake here. The first being WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BRINGING EIGHT-YEAR-OLDS TO MEET KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN? Kourtney appeals to me because I’m a lonely, 33-year-old man who likes to look at her breasts and imagine touching them while sadly intercoursing her vagina. But what could she possibly ever offer your daughters in the form of an acceptable role model or even a slightly decent human being? “Stay in school, and maybe one day your sister will make a sex tape with a hip-hop star that your mom will whore into a lucrative television deal making you famous by association only and not because of any discernible talent or work ethic?” Because that is terrible advice. Not to mention almost impossible to pull off in case you completely missed Farrah Abraham squirting out before even making it off the runway. Anyway, my point is I should be legally allowed to report you to child services, but apparently they only intervene when there’s sexual and/or physical abuse which is bad, too, I guess. Honestly, I’m wondering what the hell I even pay taxes for.

Knock it off,

- The Superficial

Photo: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, WENN


  1. Where's Dildo

    She also wrote: “Further, I took my 10 year old son to see John Travolta and my 11 year old adopted asian daughter to see Woody Allen, and BOTH were stolen for sex acts.”
    “SHOCKING!” said no-one ever.

  2. JC

    You have to pay $150 to see the least interesting one? Damn, what do you have to pay to meet the one that smells like piss or the bastard wookie?

    • You don’t have to pay anything to see the other ones. For Kim, it’s a standard release form so they can market and exploit your image, and waiver of liability for any STDs. For Kourtney, just bring a pie.

  3. Kourtney Kardashian Cleavage Hyde Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    I make the exact same face whenever I have the Taco Bell shits.

  4. Kourtney Kardashian Cleavage Hyde Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    ::reads post::

    Yeah, but like, tits though.

  5. Kourtney Kardashian Cleavage Hyde Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    So did she just give up on trying to look 10 years younger than she really is and go the opposite direction by looking like she pushing 45?

  6. You took you’re kids to meet a whore, and then you’re surprised that the whore charged money for doing stuff?

  7. $150 each to “meet” a Kardashian?

    Why do I picture her sitting in a kiddie pool while a line of dudes wait their turn to urinate on her like the words worst bukkake scene?

  8. Kourtney Kardashian Cleavage Hyde Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m a big fan of the site, but I gotta say this. You chastise this lady for taking her 8-year old to see a Kardashian, but you perpetuate their bullshit daily. They really aren’t attractive other than putting those huge fake knockers on display. I mean, their faces are hideous, Khloe is a behemoth, Kourtney is a weird midget, and Kim has a goat face and an ass the size of Nebraska…which is exactly where I’d like to see her banished to. Want people to stop idolizing the Kardashians? Stop glamorizing them on your very popular blogsite.

    • What we need to do is stop clicking the shit out of Kardashian posts. Then maybe they’ll go away. If they aren’t generating ad revenue, they won’t be here.

    • He addresses this well enough in the post (shrugs). I do, however, take issue with his use of the word “star” when referring to Ray J.

    • It used to be more apparent on this site, but The Superficial used to be owned by Anticlown Media, until 2008 when it was acquired by Buzz Media (now referred to as Spin Media). If you look up Spin Media on Wikipedia, you’ll notice the whole host of pop culture and official celebrity websites owned by Spin Media…which JUST SO HAPPEN to include the offical websites for Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian. Also, Lindsay Lohan.

      So now you know why this website reports on the Kardashians 24/7, and why we have to hear about that trainwreck Lohan as much as we do.

      • That is some good investigative reporting.

      • well, good morning...

        You’re just now discovering this?

        I thought it was common knowledge that Fish & Co. have been on the take from the PeeQueen, PimpMom, and her pasel of prostitutes for some time.

      • Except we’re not. At all. In fact, SpinMedia doesn’t really “own” their sites in the sense that you think it does, and what’s even more hilarious, is there actually was a brief Dark Ages back in 2009 when I was encouraged/harassed by people who are no longer with the company to link to their sites and even had to remove a post once to appease E!. Except after I was able to demonstrate that this horseshit would kill The Superficial brand (which should’ve been obvious from the jump, but bygones, yadda yadda), it stopped immediately and has never happened since. I was a free man again.

        That being said, these people’s presence on this site are because YOU CLICK THE SHIT OUT OF THEIR TITS AND ASSES.

        Occam’s Razor.

      • I’m sure you get a level of autonomy in regards to working on The Superficial, but I do remember back when the Kardashians were becoming “big” (not simply referring to the gravitational pull caused by being within 3,000 yards of Kim’s ass), and there were an inordinate amount of photos of Kim and her family on this site. And I had raised a rather jaundiced eyebrow at the whole ordeal.

        That being said, I’ve been visiting this site for 4? 5? years now, and I am a sucker for your smartass remarks so I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.

        And yes, I agree with your sentiment in the jump, and that we seem to love looking at Kardashian T&A almost as much as we love to bitch about them. Almost.

      • “I do remember back when the Kardashians were becoming “big” (not simply referring to the gravitational pull caused by being within 3,000 yards of Kim’s ass), and there were an inordinate amount of photos of Kim and her family on this site. And I had raised a rather jaundiced eyebrow at the whole ordeal.”

        If a celebrity/celebrity whorebag family is “big” everywhere, there’s going to be an inordinate amount of photos of them here because we make fun of the current pop culture zeitgeist. Christ, we’ve had 8,000 pics of Lady GaGa in the past three weeks alone. We’re a slave to the trends because that’s what people will click on which keeps us afloat to write whatever the hell want about them with the occasional Peter Dinklage photo. There’s no hidden agenda because, trust me, no publicist wants us near their precious stars. And the feeling is mutual.

      • I wasn’t even aware that Occam was a barber.

    • EJ

      Us Nebraskans already don’t have much going for us. Don’t wish this whore of a family on us, too.

  9. I was going to wait in line ‘cuz I thought that $150 included fellatio. Apparently, however, it didn’t even include touching her tits.

  10. Dude that last line was awesome, thank you for making my day

  11. Smapdi

    I blame the public schools, and their “Take Your Daughters To Skanks Day”.

  12. Rasputin's Evil Twin

    “But what could she possibly ever offer your daughters in the form of an acceptable role model or even a slightly decent human being?

    In most circumstances, this is a reaspnable question. However, we’re talking about a woman who took 8 year olds to a Vegas casino to meet a fame whore, so any advice you give her is a waste of breath. I suggest you simply blugeon her to death and go have a few drinks.

  13. dunkydoo

    only a fucking moron would pay $150 to meet a kuntrashian.

  14. In other news, later that day the twins’ mom bit an orange and then complained because it tasted orangey.

  15. What kind of fucking retards spends even $1 to see any of these useless fucktards, from the Kardashians to the Jersey Shore losers?

  16. anonym

    For $150, I’d expect a lot more than just a plain old picture. It better be with my dick in her mouth.

  17. Kourtney Kardashian Cleavage Hyde Nightclub
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    Veiniest boob I’ve ever seen. Like it’s on steroids. The fuck?

  18. Saggy boobs, flabby arms, adam’s apple, masculine chin, underbite, pinched nose, excessive eye makeup, ratty hair. I think I covered it.

  19. lilgrandma

    Really pay that much to see her! No way that is so shitty of them. And never would i take one of my kids to see trash!Love this website they say it like it is!

  20. Mom sounds as intelligent as the people who went to see Charlie Sheen, then complained because it was a trainwreck.

  21. Kourtney Kardashian Cleavage Hyde Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    Quite the ‘ill MILF.

  22. If I wanted to show my kids a piece of shit I’d take a dump, then gather them in the toilet to admire my work. Won’t cost me a dime.

  23. Dad

    I’m confused, isn’t her name Kuntney ?

  24. BlinkyTheFish

    Er, what kind of idiot is a fan of the Kardashians and DOESN’T manage to take away the one fact that is sledgehammered into most (well, every person on the planet bar one, clearly) people’s brains: they don’t do anything unless money is involved. The bringing your 8 year olds is secondary, only because – well, I just assume if you like them in the first place you’re probably not prime mother of the year material.

  25. “while sadly intercoursing her vagina.”

    *Factually laughing and rolling, in real life.*

  26. Kourtney Kardashian Cleavage Hyde Nightclub
    Sally McPants
    Commented on this photo:

    Insert “Who are the Kardashians?” and “Why are the famous?” comment here, totally pretending not to know it, while watching their show AND buying their crappy perfume on ebay.

  27. Kourtney Kardashian Cleavage Hyde Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    So, the slow one is filling in for the more whorish one!

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