Kirsten Dunst is in denial

October 12th, 2006 // 110 Comments

Kirsten Dunst says she isn’t obsessed with her weight or working out because she enjoys having curves and looking “sexy” rather than “sleazy.” She tells the Scottish Daily Record:

“I eat healthily. I do Pilates and my mom has a cross-training machine, which I use, but I don’t work out regularly. I like having a few curves. I like being sexy, not sleazy.”

There are a lot of words I’d use to describe Kirsten Dunst. ‘Sexy’ isn’t one of them. Unless prefaced by ‘not’ or ‘very not’ or ‘indescribably not.’ I’m starting to think somebody replaced her mirror with a life-sized poster of Alessandra Ambrosio and she hasn’t figured it out yet, because there’s no way she can look into a mirror, see what I’m seeing, and have the word ‘sexy’ pop into her head. It’s physically impossible, like being sexually attracted to Robin Williams.


  1. jrzmommy

    49–international jet-setting multi-billionaire ing

  2. pinky_nip

    @45: Not anymore. I know a guy who went to school with him, actually showed me the yearbook to prove it. He’s a big hit on the internet, just google his name and you can buy shirts, etc.

  3. BarbadoSlim

    Yeah you tell him #51, we are International jet-setting wattchamacallits, we don’t need no fucking jobs.

    #49=employed douchebag

  4. jrzmommy

    52–He’s my favorite thing to freak out people with. And since he’s done something hideous, it’s fun to make fun of him. He must have gotten some serious shit when he was a kid.

  5. jrzmommy

    jobs are for sissies. and do-gooders!

  6. Chamois

    Sexy? el oh el.

    I like to call Kirsten Dunst “Flapjacks.”

  7. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. And K-Fed is a resonsible adult.

  8. commissioner

    jobs are for non-golfers.

  9. BarbadoSlim

    We have been blessed by the bounties of living in the god ol’ U S of Fucking A. We are wealthy, and have time for the good life and the superfish. If you’re some salaried loser who whines, it just means that you are not doing something right, you are bad for America and are probably a member of Al-Quaeda.

  10. jackspratling

    OK, so … where are these curves she’s talking about? And not the curve a boney knee or elbow has.

    Personally, if Kirsten Dunst put on 25 points, I’d bang her like a porch door in the middle of a hurricane. (By the way, this offer is also still outstanding to everybody’s favorite fire crotch. Call me Li-lo!)

    Until then, the Gylenhaals of the world will keep trying to creep up on Kirsten’s boney, snaggle toothed butt. And TCLTC.

  11. TheEmancipationOfFirecrotch

    Ugh, I can’t stand this ho… sure she has a pretty decent rack, but her teeth look like her toothbrush is made of sandpaper.

    As for my line of work, I am a frequent Food Stamp Queuer. :)

  12. RichPort

    #49 – I constantly have a minimum of 3 computer screens in front of me at any given time, plus I was freakishly born with a third arm. So multitasking comes easy to me. OK fine, I lied, it’s not a third arm, it’s my johnson, but I can use it to hit the space bar in a pinch. I used to live the high life like Jrz, Commish and Slim, but I felt unfulfilled and decided to rejoin the rat race with retards like you. Plus I kept getting kicked out of country clubs for shitting on the greens everytime someone mistaked me for the help.

  13. amhi

    Em. Hot though she may not be, I’m more concerned with what she’s doing. Walking around wearing what she is.. and in traffic? I thought you got in cars to go places, not the other way around.

    I wonder what Angelinos think of their celebrities. Like, in my town our equivalent of celebrities would be transients and bad drivers, but you get that crowd in LA, too ..

    Eh, well. She’s hot enough for my standards. Now back to my wrist slitting. And not not-job having.

  14. RichPort

    Did I write mistaked? I meant mistook, as in the sentence “I made a huge mistook smoking weed during my lunchbreak.”

  15. amhi

    PS – Richport is the funniest commenter on this site.

    “OK fine, I lied, it’s not a third arm, it’s my johnson, but I can use it to hit the space bar in a pinch.”

    That’s gold right there.

  16. RichPort

    #65 – Many thanks, but please do not get me in trouble. Me and my bad spelling need to remain anomynous.

  17. #65 – Don’t give RichPort a big head, he might start routing fot St Louis.

    ******** Let’s Go METS ********

  18. jrzmommy

    I’m holding Kirsten Dunst responsible for all the black jujyfruits in my box of jujyfruits today. EIGHT!!! Eight out of fifteen jujys were black flavored. Totally unacceptable. This shit’s gotta stop with the vast preponderance of my jujys being black flavor.

  19. RichPort

    Madonna’s new kid is black flavored too.

  20. She looks like the crazy cat lady up the road.

  21. BarbadoSlim

    I heard Dunst was also part of the vast conspiracy that took down the magenta M&M.

    true story

  22. jackspratling

    # 68– You’re a jujyfruit supremicist, I knew it! Just admit it.

    Kirsten Dunst doesn’t like jujyfruits. They get stuck on her snaggle tooth.

    As did Gylenhaal, but that’s another story for another time. A story involving women with bony, lithesome bodies like 14 year old boys and the closeted moviestars who chase them.

  23. amhi

    I was being sarcastic

  24. Lobo

    eh–she was hot when she was that little Vampire girl. She accomplished something I’ve always aspired to. She called Brad Pitt “daddy” . . .

  25. BarbadoSlim

    I hate to tell you this but your sarcasm needs work.

    Jokes where the cock is named Johnson are ALWAYS funny.

  26. RichPort

    #73 – WHEW! Now I really can stay under the radar. Again, many thanks. The last time some gave me props the papparazzi hounded me for days. I still see spots in my eyes… Thanks for nipping that in the fucking bud, my new best friend. Being igcognito is my specialty.

  27. Terry

    This site is like two days old each day

    Here is a site that is updated 15x a day. All celeb stuff.


  28. no one you know

    Sorry, 37…but can we ever go wrong when making fun of Snaggy McTooth up there?

  29. BigJim


    Are you sure they’re black? Maybe they’re just wiggers (er, I mean blonkeys).

    Oh, and jobs are for immigrants.

  30. ponk

    kirsten dunst is “curvy”? her teeth have more protrusion than her body.

  31. biatcho

    #77 go fuck right off. The name of your so-called blog is fadedyouth, sounds like jadedyouth, and we have enough of them wannabe fuckos around here. Don’t need the likes of you or your chocha juices in these parts.

  32. jrzmommy

    BigJim: Yeah, I’m sure they’re black…when I poured them out of the box onto my desk they just sat there.

    no offense, Rich.

  33. biatcho

    ok, jrz, you just made me wet my pants… and not in the good way.

  34. 82 – jrzmommy, were they grabbing they’re crotches?

  35. jrzmommy

    the ones on the corner of my desk were grabbing their crotches. One of them tried to rob the yellow ones.

  36. losenord

    I think she is hot.

  37. c

    I think she is fugly and will never have a starring role that tops ‘Bring It On.’ She was horribly miscast as Marie Antoinette.

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  39. First, to be sexy and curvy, you have to look like a woman …
    And aren’t her breasts already saggy ?? Imagine adding 25 lbs …

  40. Cruzadas

    Actually I find that a nice fashion sense, for a corpse like her

  41. RichPort

    #82 – HA!!! Why would I take offense? Blatant ignorance offends me, not witty humor. You know I love racial humor, even against my own. Also, I think you may have me confused… I am not, nor have I ever been a damn jujyfruit! My egg whites made my egg yolks build railroads across my kitchen counter, you know, to move the opium. Similarly, my Wonder bread can’t dance nearly as well as my empanadas.

    My name tells my ethnicity… that’s why picked it…

  42. Grope For Luna

    Robert Pickton got laid on a pig farm.

  43. InstantAsshat-AddFame


    Please, please, please, please do a Sarah_Jean to this Jessica_Ellis biatch? I love it when you pull a Sarah_Jean. Please? If you have time?

  44. wtflalalala

    she looks like a school girl who was picked up by a dirty old truck driver and raped multiple times, then thrown out on to the streets as prostitute.

  45. jrzmommy

    Rich: you’re wealthy and you’re Portugese? AWESOME! I didn’t think you’d get all DanYELL on me for that joke, but all the same, I would never want to offend someone as totally fucking cool as you.

  46. GirlyGirl

    Jrz, I truly love you.
    Actually, Brian Peppers passed on. He was severely mentally handicapped and he got the reputation of molesting someone because he grabbed a nurse’s ass in his hospital. He wasn’t a child molestor. But he was pretty freaky looking. Poor guy. Can you imagine how bad he probably wanted some ass?

  47. GirlyGirl

    Oh, and by the way, Kirsten Dunst looks like shit in that picture. With all that money, you’d think she could afford a hairbrush.

  48. jrzmommy

    96–damn….just as soon as I thought it was safe to make fun of someone fucked up looking — an urge that I’ve been squashing for YEARS — and finally I thought I had found the ideal candidate when I heard he was evil…..and now I feel LOADS worse because he was condemmed AND fucked up looking and he never did any of it? GODDAMMIT–INACCURACY MAKES JRZMOMMY ANGRY!

  49. RichPort

    Jrz – Some of my antecedents involved in the “transfer of knowledge and agrarian skills” from Africa were in fact Portuguese, but when you’re as mixed up as me, you have the pleasure of attacking everyone. Just ask my lily white wife… that is, when I get the sock out of her mouth and unchain her from the radiator. I do however, think it’s a neocon conspiracy that all black candy tastes like shit. I mean, who the fuck eats licorice?

    Nurse, I need more Thorazine…

  50. nicholelibra

    Next blog post should read: “Kirsten Dunst is officially legally blind.” What’s cuvy and sexy about that?

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