Kim Kardashian premieres her bionic rack

Great Caesar’s ghost! How does Kim Kardashian stand up straight? She’s got a behemoth ass and now it appears she has breasts the size of watermelons. And not just regular watermelons. I’m talking about genetically-enhanced melons the size of Buicks. Talk about her new reality show? Why the hell would I do that? A.) It’s stupid and B.) You’re looking at my whole day right here. I’ve canceled all my appointments and made Kim Kardashian’s boobs my top priority. Yep, what can I say? I’m a workaholic.

NOTE: I don’t know what this thing is but it needs to be put in a cage immediately.