Kim Kardashian is a water goddess and other news

- Chris Brown will appear on Larry King Live – with his mommy and lawyer beside him. Seriously, how big of a pussy is this kid that he’s afraid of questions from an octogenarian? Give it to me straight. [Lainey Gossip]

- Jeremy Piven has been vindicated for his departure from the David Mamet play Speed the Plow after an arbiter ruled he did not breach his contract. After the proceedings, the arbiter was generously tipped with Entourage Season 2 on DVD and is now suing to reverse his decision. [PopEater]

- Kristen Stewart is getting naked in an upcoming independent film. Now you ladies can see what your dear Edward’s been hitting while your boyfriend masturbates under a blanket. It’s the perfect date movie! [Celebslam]

- Natalie Portman enjoys rap songs about penises. Seriously. [PopSugar]

- Kate Gosselin makes Target employees escort her to car as if their lives aren’t shitty enough. Nice one. [Just Jared]

- Anne Heche hates her ex-husband. Maybe you’ve heard. [The Blemish]

- Shania Twain proves she’s learned her lesson about men – by getting married again. Smart! [ICYDK]

- George Clooney broke his hand after accidentally slamming it in a car door. And by car door I mean 20 naked cocktail waitresses. [Wonderwall]