UPDATE: Kim Kardashian? Bikini? Showering?! WHOOPEE!

May 15th, 2008 // 186 Comments

Kim Kardashian recently updated her blog with bikini pics of herself and sister Kourtney. If I didn’t write this site, I’d say that makes Kim Kardashian’s blog the most goddamn awesome blog on the Internet*. I’m also not saying it because I’m baffled by Kim’s impromptu shower with a sarong around her waist. What kind of wicked secret is she hiding under that thing? Wait, I got it! LEGOs. Boom! Case closed. Now to solve the mystery of how drunk I’m going to get. (Hint: Lots.)

UPDATE: Added the seriously, like for real Kardashian sisters’ PSA for Burma after the jump. Nothing like the irony of Armenians making light of a national tragedy. HA! You can’t make that shit up. Anyway, enjoy the video before YouTube pulls it again.

*Not counting Bob Cesca’s Goddamn Awesome Blog which, with a title like that, I gotta ask: Where’re the boobs, Bob? Where – are the boobs?

superficial

  1. Lipper

    You can’t use yourself as the SURE ALL I MUST be RIGHT just because you don’t have cellulite *supposedly*. It’s about skin elasticity, and genetics. Now, being in the medical field I have seen many athletic, really healthy people with cellulite. It can happen to anyone, no matter what you eat or not. Exercise helps, we know this and eating less fat again helps, a certain diet WILL NOT guarantee no cellulite. If you are prone to it, no matter what you eat or how much you exercise its gonna be there if it wants to take up residency. Sucks, get over it.

    I have a few friends who are quite porky, and they have the smoothest damn skin. I have fair skin and hair and these people always tend to have more cellulite/stretch mark issues. I’m fit, don’t eat fat and eat sensibly, but yet I have cellulite and grow up! Who really cares, move on.

    Kim is very pretty, not the brightest bulb in the pack, but gotta give her credit she looks hot. She has cellulite, we know it and it makes us feel better to crack on her for being human. Hey its all on good fun.

  2. You woman haters must scare the neighborhood kids on Halloween, since skeletons seem to give you wood. I wonder how much money it would take to get those two to make out… yea, I know they’re sisters, but still…

  3. she is the hottest woman i have ever seen on t.v

    98- you are obviously a fag or an ugly bitch blind with jealousy

  4. Fumus

    KIM KARDASHIAN SONG

    I wanna stick my dick in Kim.
    I wanna stick my penis in her.
    All the way, not just tip.
    Cuz I’ll bust inside then run and hiiddde!

    Yeaaa….

    I wanna stick my dick in Kim.
    I wanna stick my penis her.
    All the way, oOOoo, ok.
    We can play just the tip.
    Yeeeaaa….
    just for a little bit.
    Until I spit.
    Cuz that big old booty is sumtin that we all wanna hit!

  5. somethingendingin ian

    don’t just take a cheap shot at armenians because you think it sounds funny. true, some armenian girls are gorgeous like kim, and true, the kardashians respect ‘being armenian’ because their father was but they admit they don’t know anything about the armenian culture or heritage. sooooo the use of the branding of ‘armenian’ in a negative connotation when they do something stupid is sort of inappropriate. i get that this site is supposed to be funny but armenian people get a bad rep for so many stupid stereotypes and now for once there is a famous one in the limelight to add to the ridiculously uninformed amount of crap that flies around about them. sad but true: most people don’t even know where armenia is on the map. they’re a small country that’s been through a genocide that no one remembers and they don’t even have enough resources to hurt anyone else so people should just leave them alone.

    and yes, i guess you could tell i’m armenian.

  6. Jackson

    I saw the video. Kim is wearing her industrial girdle again! She should start a girdle and body shaper line because there are a lot of fat chicks like Kim that can use the support!

  7. LordOf Bacon

    I hope she gets cancer of the rectum and dies a slow painfull death.

    Fat hairy midget vacant whore. Her parents did a great job.

  8. You People Funny!

    I enjoy reading all the amusing put downs about Kim. The fat chicks stick up for her and say things such as she is not fat just curvy, the creepy guys jerk off to her and says she’s hot, and the fit chicks make fun of her too because it is hard to praise fat people that use girdles, photoshop, and sarongs to hide the fat.

  9. Hey there lalla @ 86 and 87, thanks for taking time out of your bipolar day to post twice (nice control, fuckface!)

    Do you have any idea how bad Armenians smell when they get wet?

  10. Spanky

    #101

    People that are fit and have cellulite were overweight at one time. Cellulite are basically fat pockets. One does not get fat pockets unless they have fat. I have an obese friend with milky white skin and no cellulite. It’s all genetics. Kim grew up in an environment that taught bad eating habits. Kim herself says one of her favorite foods is fried oreos and it shows on her fat body. People tend to make excuses for fat people because they are fat or not fat and empathize with people. A big fat butt is not sexy but gross because let’s face it people; it’s fat not muscle.

  11. Simon Says

    @101

    If Kim had a tight big bubble butt then she would be hot, but she has a loose wide fat cellulite butt and relies on girdles and sarongs. In her cellulite video her butt looks big wide and flat and in her dress video she has her freaky looking big butt because she is wearing her girdle. Kim’s a big fat joke!

  12. I smell teen spirit

    #88 You would bang her quickly. All guys’ first times are fast. Now go back into the basement with your copy of Maxim and tissues.

  13. Elk

    100. Kea – May
    “I just can’t believe that they’re making a complete joke over the situation in Burma. Really what the fuck?”

    I think it’s fitting. The U.S. isn’t going to get into it because the last thing we need is another war and without the U.S. all the U.N. is going to do is write them a strongly worded letter. The whole thing is one big horrible joke.

  14. Pizza

    #114

    I agree. First some people praise Kim because she is a fat porn star and they like the way she looks in girdles and photoshopped pictures and now people want to praise her for her stupidity too.

  15. pigkeeper31

    I’m out of the loop on Kim K, but who peed on her?? And when??

  16. Megan

    Yeah… but people who are vegan or vegetarian are pussies… just like people who never leave CA. Meat for the win. Eating meat doesn’t guarantee cellulite; it’s all about moderation. Kim looks hot in these, nonetheless.

  17. masterless

    Can I get a cup of the soapy water dripping from her ass. Thanks!

  18. Vic Vega

    #96. You sound like a bitter little bitch. “Normal looking” yeah that’s what excites us guys(sarcasm skank); you sound like a plain Jane or an ugly slim girl. Why so angry? Does some guy you like think Kim is hot?
    Kim may be a overweight by my standards, but I’d bet Bill Gates’ billions that she has a WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY hotter face than you, way nicer tits and way nicer hair. I’d also bet Bill Gates’ billions that if a doctor examined you he’d say you do have cellulite on the back of your legs and ass. Remember dumb skank you can’t get the whole angle of the back of you thighs and ass by looking in a mirror, also cellulite shows up sometimes in only certain lighting.

    Now for the last time to the mentally retarded fools click on the pictures of celebrity cellulite#74, or Natalie Portman #72 cellulite to see that many people who have been thin all their lives have cellulite, cellulite is hormonal and genetic. I really wonder how some of you mental midgets even manage to turn on your computer. I guess you have a case worker who does that for you.

    Lastly as an athlete turned highly successful business man who is still in top form I have zero cellulite and you brainless bitter angry skanks just look so pathetic insulting Kim, sure she’s not perfect and she’s not my ideal woman, but none of you are either (regardless of what you look like, which I’m sure is awful, my ideal woman isn’t a bitter angry insecure little bitch who has to insult other girls to make herself feel better), just remember jealous green eyed hags guys don’t find the bitchy insulting of other women attractive or remotely tolerable. Kim is pretty popular so it’s obvious that even though she isn’t perfect your insults stem form jealousy and if you were as hot as you pretend to be why would you be jealous??? Thou dost protest too much skanks.

  19. roop

    If there is any justice in this world, the series finale to Keeping Up with the Kardashian’s would see Bruce Jenner reclaim his hero status by throwing a javelin into each of those superficial big assed eyebrow wild freaks!

  20. Sweet Petite

    #117

    I am vegetarian and I do not want to ingest meat because of the pesticides, anti-biotics, and growth hormones the factory farms put in the animals. Also it is digusting that they feed the animals feces with pesticides, cement dust and newspapers as fillers. Enjoy your contaminated meat. Some guys think fat chicks are hot and you are one of them. Over eating is what causes cellulite. Cellulite are fat deposits in the skin. I think Kim looks good for a fat chick when she photoshops her pictures.

  21. Man Boobs are about as sexy as Kim K's Ass . . .

    “More than a third of U.S. adults – over 72 million people — were obese in 2005-2006. This includes 33.3 percent of men and 35.3 percent of women. The figures show no statistically significant change from 2003-04, when 31.1 percent of men were obese and 33.2 percent of women were obese. ”

    Considering that there’s only a two percent difference in the obesity rates for men and women, chances are all the guys commenting about Kim being fat are porkers themselves. I’m sorry that your bathroom mirror tells you you’re a hot stud muffin, but the reality is you’ve probably got love handles to rival Kim’s. I’m sick of celebrity sites ragging on women when the average dude looks like the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man. Unless you have abs that you can grate cheese on, shut your trap, push yourself away from the plate and do some crunches you sexist morons. Then come back to me and parade around shirtless so I can judge you by your body and treat you like the brainless slab of meat that you are.

    And yes, I’m PMSing, so blow that out your ass too.

    All that being said, Kim K’s not fat but she does need to shape it up or wear size appropriate bathing suits. She looks silly trying to convince the world that she’s secure with her body when she’s always hiding it. Either ditch the sarong and let the world see your dimpled glory or hit the stairmaster and bust out some squats. (Lazy fat is just wrong.)

  22. cida

    #119. Please keep typing your generic drivel; you are the same person who keeps changing your name and spouting inaccuracies. Do you realize that fruits and vegetables are filled with very harmful pesticides which cause hormone defects and are laced with insect excrement and that so called organic food is not possible because completely organically grown food would become infested and would be dangerous to eat and so some amount of pesticides are necessary. This has been proven through experiments and in many scientific journals have published articles on this well established fact. So unless you personally operate a farm that actually manages to use zero pesticides and not have infested crops you have no argument there. If our bodies are so unable to digest animals and animal by products why is it that grains, fruits and veggies can give one MAJOR diarrhea as in we CAN’T digest fiber, which is why a certain amount is good for regularity, but too much is VERY hard on the colon and cause serious medical problems. You are surely aware that in the medical community it is still under debate weather people can actually get all the nutrients they need through vegetarian diets and since I’m sure you are not a life saving doctor you are not an expert and do not have the medical expertise or education to make such claims.
    Now, I’m a live and let live kind of person whereas you are just like any cult member trying to force your beliefs on others using lies and manipulation. You know very well that many meat eaters are very slim and healthy. You also know very well that many farms do not use the cruel and dangerous methods you mention and feed their livestock properly and safely. Please try to explain to me, in terms of global economics and unemployment, how the world would function without the animal and animal byproduct industry, do you remotely understand how many jobs would be lost and how many families livelihood would be at ‘steak’ (ha). Please explain to me what is so wrong with people who live off the land, hunt and use the animal’s skin and bones to make tools and clothing, many tribes and people especially in aboriginal areas do so and it is how they survive and function. How traveled are you, how much do you know about the world around you, I have traveled throughout every continent and I doubt you have come close to that, and in my travels I have seen that there are many ways of life and the real harm is people trying to force and push others to do or be certain things. Please explain to me why eating meat is so negative when many animals are carnivores, it’s called the circle of life. You are exactly like bigots who are homophobic (I’m straight and married btw) some people are gay some are straight, some eat meat some don’t, remember live and let live. Yes stand up for what you believe in but there is a big difference between caring about causes and being hateful and prejudice in the name of your cause. If animals are what you care about put your energy into trying to protect them proactively instead of alienating your fellow human being and chastising every meat eater. Abstaining from doing something is not productive and I’m sure you wear clothing and use products made by children or people in developing countries who are paid so little they can barely support their families. Almost everything in this world is made through measures of cruelty and pain because human beings are so flawed and life is not perfect and you can spend every second of your day trying to avoid anything that has a negative connection or you can actually accomplish something and do something with your time rather than live a life of avoidance. So stop acting like the high priestess of morality when you are surely not perfect yourself. Are you out saving animals or do you just rant about being a vegetarian? Do you sponsor any animal charities, how many animals lives have you saved (and not by lazy abidance)? What are you contributing to the world besides trying to colonize all the meat eaters? What other causes do you care about? Caring only about animals is incredibly selfish and insures that you are not seeing the whole picture, because there are many problems in this world and they are all intertwined. If you cared so much about the world and the animals in it you wouldn’t be so closed minded.

  23. Fumus

    Did not any of your retarded gossipers read my poorly written, ill contrived song? Yes, Kim’s ass is large, her face looks like, a good, and she got some extra padding in the mid section but…oh wait, yea she’s not hot. She’s just like…I want to have sex with her. Ya know what I mean, guess not since 90% of the readers of this cite are either women or gay.

  24. Megan

    #121:

    I am not a guy who thinks fat chicks are hot. I’m a guy who loves fucking my sister. And my aunt. At the same time. Mmmm nom nom. But, I’m actually not a guy at all.

    And have fun finding fruits and veggies that didn’t at some point contain pesticides. I still eat them, though, because IT DOESN’T MATTER ONCE IT GETS TO THE SUPERMARKET. Dumb animals are for eating when we get hungry. I’m off to have some pretty soon. Enjoy your bunny food!

  25. #123 and #125

    Enjoy your meat with pesticides, growth hormones, and anti-biotics. The factory farms should be outlawed and it’s no wonder we have mad cow disease.

    #123

    I did not read your complete rant but you are misguided about organic fruit and vegetables. I pay more for my fruit and vegetables because it is organic and contains no pesticides. Grains, fruits and veggies can give one MAJOR diarrhea when one has been practicing bad eating habits; basically the body is in shock and needs to adjust to the healthy eating.

  26. Megan

    PETA is gay.

  27. JJ

    #127

    I am not surprised by your worthless ignorant remark because you are ignorant.

  28. cida

    #126. Of course you didn’t. Just like all the uneducated people who blindly believe what they believe they refuse to listen to anything else and ignore facts and evidence to the contrary. I’m sorry you aren’t intelligent enough to read the equivalent of two pages. I guess hooked on phonics didn’t work for you did it?

    Her’s a joke that defines you:

    A father says to his son “you know that if you drop a piece of buttered bread it always lands butter side up.”
    The son laughed and said “that’s not remotely true.”
    The father then said “I’ll prove it to you” and he buttered a piece of bread and threw it up in the air and looked down to see the piece of toast had fallen butter side down.
    “See it did fall butter side down”
    The Dad replied “Oh well I must have buttered the wrong side”.

    You are uneducated because you ignore all other points of view other than your own, you refuse to recognize any evidence that contradicts your beliefs and you are too lazy to be legitimately informed. You will never win a debate or be an authority on anything unless you are informed. You clearly have very little to say and can only repeat the same thing over and over again, while others have many points that disprove and contradict your theories.

  29. Chupacabra

    what the fuck – I saw a dude on the subway yesterday with upper-arm cellulite. I SHIT you not! and he wasn’t fat, he was just big boned. I almost vomited.

  30. sadie

    OH MY GOD, cellulite is what it motherfucking is, so SHUT THE FUCK UP, no cream or muscle twitchy machine, or exercise will get rid of it, it can minimize it alot if you firm up real good, but its just something that some poeple have, no bitching and moaning and depating will make it go away so what the fuck is the point?!!? I go to the gym, i see this chick working out ALL the time, she is skinny as hell and has mad cellulite, oh fucking well. I got a couple dimples myself, and all the running and strengh training in the world aint gonna make them dimples go away. Only some sick plastic surgery would do that, and probably wouldn’t make it look any better. Also Kim probably wieghs like, 120 pounds, which is hella tiny, she’s got a booty, like J. Lo, who knows what J. Lo’s backyardigan looks like nacked, only rat dog hubby of her’s knows the answer to THAT, and maybe he doesn’t even know….

  31. Kimberly

    #131

    There is no way Kim weighs 120 pounds. My friend is 120 pounds and the same height as Kim and looks a lot smaller. Kim looks like she is 145 pounds. Kim is by no means is tiny. She is short and fat. JLo has a perky big booty from being a dancer and Kim has a wide loose big butt from overeating and not exercising. I’ve seen skinny chicks with cellulite because they got fat at one time in their life.

  32. poonmoon

    WRONG @ 132 J-LO is FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT. Kim Weighs 135 and is 5’3′ she’s chunky not fat.

  33. Kim is Fat

    #133

    JLo is fat but has a nice perky big butt. Kim is fat and has a loose wide cellulite butt and has to depend of girdles to make her huge butt look perky. Kim has to cover her huge loose butt when wearing a swim suit. Americans like to use other words besides fat like chunky and curvy. Americans are great at making excuses like she’s not fat just big boned or curvy ha! ha!

  34. hate you for no reason

    GRRRROOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. That is all.

  35. This woman is gorgeous!!!!! How can anyone say anything otherwise?????

  36. Torpedo

    136
    Well if you are into fat chicks that rely on girdles to make their huge wide saggy cellulite butt look perky then you are entitled to your opinion. Kim is cute for a fat chick but fat and to make matters worse, she if fat and short!

  37. Seashell

    #137 and all other critical bloggers of this particular woman — oh, if only we could all see pictures of your perfect forms!!!!! So many images of perfect human forms would make history indeed!!!!!

  38. Sweet Petite

    #138

    I wish I could post my hot body because I am proud of it!

  39. seashell

    #138 proud you may be but that does not mean it is perfection to anyone but you!

  40. what a hog

    She’s a hog I want to pork! Yee-ha!

  41. she looks like a porn star!

  42. poonmoon

    #34. I weigh 105 pounds. J-Lo and Kim K are both overweight, but they have are pretty women, but it’s their greedy rich bitch attitude that I find gross not their mamoth asses. Also I’m 5’5″ and have C cup boobs and an adorable ass and a tiny waist, I’m super toned and cellulite free and I’ve been told I look like a younger, slimer, much hotter green eyed Catherine Zeta Jones; I’m Swedish and Spanish. I work out daily and eat roughly 2000 calories a day, I’m not anal about it that’s just what my body likes I like to eat well but I’m not a whiny bitch whose afraid of a piece of cake; moderation baby.

    I could write more, but thinking about how hot I am has made me horny again so I have to go fuck my sexy husband for the third time today (no moderation there).

  43. poonmoon

    that was for #134.

  44. alisa

    cellulite has to do with your genes dumbshits. even some really skinny chicks have it. god you little boys critizing girls when you would never get a girl as hot as this!!! its so funny. goddamn they are sooo hot id totally go lesbian for them

  45. Marcia

    She’s just plain gross and nasty looking.

  46. Ha

    @128
    PETA is the scourge of the earth, they pretend that they are helping when they are secretly harming. They support enviromental terrorists who blow up and harm the enviroment through their actions, which is very hypocritical. Just like PETA…

  47. James

    my dick hurts

  48. Jesus Christ she's soooo hot

    HOTTEST WOMAN ALIVE, plain and simple.

  49. so much jealousy on this site and females posting under male names, you jealous chicks are pitiful

    #15 you have no fucking idea what you’re talking about, you ignorant dumbass. You probably have cellulite yourself and are insanely jealous of Kim Kardashian because if you ever try to get a body like hers you’d get fat like a fucking cow, not like Kim who manages to be thin but has the curves where it’s sexy to have them, on her ass and boobs, yet the rest of her body is thin, and if you lose weight you end up with absolutely no ass or boobs and more curveless than a stick. You are also jealous because she’s stunning and you’re ugly as sin. That being said, what you said is one of the most retarded things I’ve heard in my life. Skinny girls have cellulite too when they have never, ever, ever been fat. Jessica Alba has a whole lot of cellulite and she’s incredibly skinny and always has been incredibly skinny.

  50. wtf?

    #143, go eat a burger, you’re fucking disgusting. If you really stand at 5’5” and really weight 105 lbs your body is a fucking disgusting skeleton. Calista Flockhart kind of like (who is 5’5” and weights 104 lbs). By your height, according to doctors and the world health organization, the least you should weight is 122 lbs. You’re at least 17 lbs underweight. If what you say is true, you are obviously a really, really skinny person (Calista Flockhart kind of skinny), and if you eat what you want like you say you do and you mantain that weight, then the only way for that to be possible is that you are naturally an incredibly skinny person, and people who are like that have absolutely no ass and absolutely no boobs, so what you’re saying is completely impossible to be true. At 105 lbs and 5’5” it’s impossible that you have an ass. So you’re not fooling anyone, you probably are a curvless skeleton with no ass or a fat chick trying to make herself feel better. Wether you’re anorexic and starve yourself to mantain that weight and have no ass, or wether you’re naturally skinny and you have no ass and no tits. Either way, you’re lying. And if that’s your true height and weight, you should stop working out so much and start indulging yourself in burgers and sweets until you start to have a somehow feminine body an are no longer a curvless boyish-shaped skeleton. You’re probably ugly. No woman who is actually good looking with a nice body feels the need to post on a freaky website as this one anonymously how good looking she is and how nice her body is to obtain some validation, much less criticizing a woman who is obviously incredibly hot and stunning whose body is to die for like Kim Kardashian. Probably no one wants you or finds you attractive in real life and this is a way for you to try to make yourself feel better about yourself.

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