Apparently two weeks is enough time for you to become sopping wet with whore-ticipiation because Kim Kardashian has been released from her media lockdown and allowed to pretend the paparazzi waiting by her car weren’t called in advance by Kris Jenner who’s conveniently walking out of the same building with Kourtney. “Because if you’re going to whore one, you might as well whore every single one regardless of age,” is how Kris Jenner parents. On that note, here’s the goddamn cavalcade of lies she’s leaked to the tabloids this week to continue building her empire of lies:
Those Lies I Was Just Talking About:
- Reggie Bush wants to get back with Kim. Just assume the exact opposite of that is happening, and he spends his nights throwing knives at overstuffed beanbag chairs in case he ever sees her again. [Life & Style]
- Kris Humphries made Kim cry on purpose every single day they were together. He also raped her. Except not really, I’m just preparing you for May sweeps. [Hollywood Life]
- Khloe’s trying to have a baby through in vitro because she feels pressured now that Kourtney’s having a baby. Let me just shoot this one down with science: MAN. CANNOT. MATE. WITH. SASQUATCH. [Page Six]
This has been another edition of Kris Jenner Is A Lying Whoremaster of Whores.
Photos: Pacific Coast News