Kim Kardashian’s Wedding Will Be Televised. Of Course.

May 27th, 2011 // 75 Comments

Because the holy union between man and woman should be a sacred and intimate event, forever intertwining two lives in the eyes of God, it only makes sense that Kris Jenner is taking bids on airing Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries‘ wedding which was, of course, the entire point of their engagement once everyone realized Khloe‘s Sasquatch uterus couldn’t produce a human child in time for next season. E! News reports:

“This is the thing, one of the biggest joys in my life is the fact that we have Khloé and Lamar’s experience on E! They filmed it and every time I watch that, I cry.”
To which Kourtney dead-pan/sassed, “Boo-hoo.”
“I went through it so quickly,” the matriarch with a huge-ass rock continued, ignoring her spawn who was sitting next to the sis with the equally huge-ass rock. “And so fast and furious, you don’t stop and take the little mental snapshots.”
And thus sparked another classic clash of the Kardashes:
Khloé: “You gotta stop with the fast and the furious comment.”
Kourtney: “Yes! I’m over it!”
Khloé: “Like, if you say that in another interview, there’s other adjectives you could use.”
Kris: “There’s none in my vocabulary.”

You kind of get the impression that Kourtney‘s not exactly thrilled to be the unmarried sister, but then you realize she’s also the smart one (I measure intelligence in fake breast having.) who knows that a marriage to Scott Disick would only end with a nailgun to the head after she ordered the wrong business cards. “I specifically said, off-white with a watermark. And you call this weight tasteful?!” *grabs chainsaw*

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. jay

    that vapid bitch bought the ring herself.

  2. jay

    Hey hey world , look at us , look at how wonderful life is for us, we are the gash-idians. They are all empty , shallow – poor excuses for humans. Can’t they ever do anything without the cameras. ?//

    • DKNY

      +1

      There’s nothing about them that isn’t fake and phony.

    • BarbieSamBarrry

      sweaty there ENTERTAINERS!!.. which means they HAVE to entertain there fans..
      so everything they do is gunna be televised… and why not the biggest day of her life!!?!?!? khloe did it.. .. so i guess it safe to say she should do it to..

      and like really.. DONT FUKING WATCH IT IF YOU AINT A FAN!!

  3. the captain

    HE CAN’T PROPPOS HE WOULD LIKE GO TO THE MOON WITH “R.E.M.”

  4. Lovemypussyhairthick

    There is a blowback point with these people and it’s just around the corner. People are already starting to turn on them.

    • mean tina

      happened long ago. only fat middle america on mcdonalds watches their show

      • Michelle

        +1
        The only people I hear talk about those shows are fat. Never thought about it until now. I have never seen the show because I will never get that time back.

      • PFKZONI

        Do you have any evidence of that? Coming from Middle America I would say most people I know would despise them if only they knew who they were. I guess Middle America is too busy working to see the show and write comments about it at 9: 00 in the morning. My guess is that this family is really popular in the ghettos. You know, those golden utopias created by big city liberals that enrich big city liberals and are run by plantation owners who also happen to be big city liberals? The kardashians are opium for the masses. The little poor girls will think all they need to become somebody (and rich and famous is the only kind of somebody they know) is a silicon ass and a tape of themselves having sex by playing the part of a toilet. It will keep their attention away from the lousy union teachers and slumlords and crooked politicians, big city liberals all.

      • BarbieSamBarrry

        thats not true.. im not fat.. or middle.. but i am america.. and i do like mcdonalds..
        :)

  5. GevinKarnett

    Watch the wedding on E! Watch the honeymoon when she becomes irrelevant.

    • LJ

      The Honeymoon video will be “leaked” to Vivid Entertainment after the divorce, and Kim will negotiate another million dollar payday to let us all watch.

  6. Matt

    Let’s be honest here, isn’t the biggest news that she’s marrying a white kid from Minnesota?

  7. Milo

    I will skip the wedding, but I will wait for the sex tape…

  8. jay

    what goes up , must come down. I agree – the blowback is coming

  9. mean tina

    grotesque

  10. mean tina

    mulatto child

  11. mean tina

    those damn fake eyelashes.

  12. I’m terrified they’ll try to fit Khloe into Pippa Middleton’s dress, and then we’ve got nothing but death and darkness until the breaking of the fifth seal. At least that’s how I read it.

  13. Michelle

    To be televised on the History channel because this wedding will be history before it is reality.

  14. Kim Kardashian Kelly Osbourne
    lola
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t understand what’s the fuss about Kelly loosing weight etc. She still looks chubby to me.

  15. Kim Kardashian Kelly Osbourne
    Jane
    Commented on this photo:

    Me2! I think people are just impressed with her because she started dressing like a girl and not like a resentful lesbian

  16. cc

    Given her character, the television rights were already established long before the day came someone popped the question to her. 10 seconds after the ring was on she slid a contract across the table with those little stickies that say ‘Sign Here’.

  17. cc

    Ah yes, Kelly Osbourne. Still working on the ‘mumps’ world record I see.

  18. It had to be said

    The groom is in for a real surprise when they have a kid. He thinks Kim looks like Kim, but the natural state of these girls is the Wookie. He’s gonna have a hairy, big-assed Wookie kid. Better wear a rubber! Or just pee on her.

    • Clarence Beeks

      Kim was actually beautiful before all the surgeries. Look at pics of her from 2007, and even when she was a little girl. Now she looks like if I held a lighter in front pf her face, it would melt.

  19. SaraDevil

    Best use of American Psycho reference ever!

  20. Kodos

    AND NOT A SINGLE FUCK SHALL BE GIVEN THAT DAY..

    yea, verily, it shall come to pass..i have spoken..

  21. The entire wedding will be shot through a fish-eye lens, so as to be able to fit her whole ass into the shot. It will be like watching it through a door peephole. Make sure you have plenty of dramamine to go with the boxed wine at your viewing party.

  22. Big Ass Bunny Feet

    She has gone a bit overboard with the plastic surgery. She looks like a freakshow half the time.

  23. Kim Kardashian Kelly Osbourne
    Commented on this photo:

    Does this fat chick make my ass look small?

  24. Can’t wait to see the wedding dress…I’m guessing there will be a 50ft train to try to scale down the perspective on her ass, and a neckline cut to her waist since her primary skill is “big boobs”.

  25. misterfister

    I wouldn’t watch these whores getting gang raped by jackals on TV. I wish they would just fuck off already.

  26. mean tina

    he’s 6 years younger than her. someone got desperate for that baller $. no other wealthy men would go for her except dumb athletes. she had to look in the nba, already embarrased herself in the nfl. doubt she loves this guy or is over reggie. its so quick.

  27. mean tina

    living the sad life, kim.

  28. Kim Kardashian Kelly Osbourne
    adolf hitler
    Commented on this photo:

    kelly has jujubee head

  29. Noodles

    Please don’t ever compare Scott Disick to Patrick Bateman again.

  30. wtf

    SHE IS SO PLASTIC NOW, IT’S DISTURBING. HOW MANY FUCKING PROCEDURES DOES THIS BITCH NEED TO HAVE BEFORE SHE’S FUCKING SATISFIED? HOW CAN SHE LIVE HER LIFE KNOWING HOW PLASTIC SHE IS? DISGUSTING

  31. Mr Obvious

    I wonder what her annual plastic surgery bill is. I’m thinking the GDP of a small country.

  32. niko

    hi kim, i come from bulgaria. i think armenian women very beautiful and wish you best luck in your love. when you need real man and love of woman with caress and respect i am here. i am successful restaurant owner with 3 grown children who live in america and love you very much for your natural beauty. my eye is lucky to rest upon you kim. please contact me if you read this, i invite you to my restuarant free every day for a kiss. all my love, niko. nikodancer@yahoo.com

  33. mufasa

    hi kim, yo i be from kenya and i want my black cock in your butt, pee on you 2 girl. plus a blood diamond. call me.

  34. Lisa

    they won`t make it to the alter, if they do the marriage won`t last
    it always all about her. Will the 15 min of fame ever come to an end.

  35. Anna

    will their divorce be televised too?

  36. Kim Kardashian Kelly Osbourne
    Commented on this photo:

    This is not the lesbian hookup you’re looking for. *waves hand mysteriously*

  37. Kim Kardashian
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, she televised herself having sex, so it’s really no stretch to imagine she’d film the wedding also.

  38. anonym

    i don’t give a shit about her wedding.

    this hairy armenian will look like her mom in no time.

    i’ll be looking forward to the divorce, though.

  39. BarbieSamBarrry

    im so watching it. :)

  40. Kelley

    Apparently her lips are still swollen because “I had the flu.” How many months ago was that ? lol

  41. anonymous

    fuck her wedding day. just tape the wedding night

  42. BruceJeynner

    Oh god help me…

  43. erik

    i blame the media for stuffing this shit on the internet cause they dont ask us what we want to hear so we have to put up with this garbage. just like they did away with free tv and forced us to pay and its even worse with the trash thats on tv. is this shit worth it people ? so take a stand against this bull@#$%

  44. Z78

    This bitch is ALL FAKE yet is in denial! If the Chris makes $3, 000,000 per year how did he pay for that ring? HMMMM he didn’t the dumb bitch bought it for herself…SO SAD..lets see how long its going to last!

  45. Kim Kardashian
    Z78
    Commented on this photo:

    EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW TOO MUCH MAKE UP FAKEY..

  46. Kim Kardashian Kelly Osbourne
    Donald Trump
    Commented on this photo:

    Miss Piggy where is Kermit?

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