Kim Kardashian Wishes She Would Have Eloped

October 5th, 2011 // 89 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

Self-proclaimed tranny and world-renowned fame whore Kim Kardashian recently told Ellen Degeneres that she wishes she would have eloped. No, really. The smut-peddlers at E! Online have the story:

Before getting a chance to renew their vows “in private,” Kim shares that if she could do one thing differently about her wedding, she’d elope. Ellen, however, would vote for a longer afterparty, which causes the starlet to admit just how hectic the whole event was, “I would say longer afterparty, but I was so crazy for an entire month…I literally I went crazy. It was so stressful.”

I’m going to start by admitting that I’ve never understood anyone’s obsession with Kim, especially women. Not only has she helped to glorify homemade porn, but now, with this bullshit statment of the century, she’s also calling you a moron. If you for one second don’t believe that in her mind, her wedding was the most important event in human history, then you deserve to have your brain eaten away on a weekly basis by this family. And I don’t mean that figuratively. I believe that the Kardashians crack open the skulls of the lowly poor people who watch their shows and buy their perfume and awful animal-print clothing and consume their brain matter in a sacrifice to whatever ungodly, evil being unleashed them upon this Earth. It was Oprah, wasn’t it? I’m going with Oprah.

Photo: Flynet, Splash News

superficial

  1. Mr. Poop

    Id put it in her butt

    what what

    • Geek82

      I knew it!! It was a just a matter of time. Check out her interview on good morning america at www. C E L E B U R .com

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  2. Cock Dr

    Was it Oprah really responsible for the popularization of the K clan?
    Curses upon that bitch if it’s true.

    • Jack Ketch

      May the fleas of a thousand camels infest her crotch and her arms be too short to scratch.

    • ArtGirl

      Actually it was Ryan Seacreast, which I think makes him the linchpin in society’s cultural demise. I wonder if he puts that on his business cards?

    • Venom

      Not at all.
      I would first lay blame on her parents for having sex and birthing the devil.
      Then I would go to Ray J for having sex with that dirty bitch and videotaping it.
      Then Paris Hilton for starting this whole celebrity sex tape shit.
      And finally Satan himself, Ryan Seacrest himself for creating all of her crappy shows.

  3. I bet Will Ferrell wishes he had two tranq darts in his neck at this party.

  4. jew

    she is such a dumb cock-slut. i feel so guilty jerking off to her. i am part of the problem. this slutbag has no other purpose but to be degraded and used like a human semen receptacle. i’d choke her, spit on her, throw her around, fuck her in her three holes, video tape it and sell it on the internet…and she’d love me for it.

    • Dan

      “…and she’d love me for it.”

      I think this is true.

    • Here ya go…maybe this will put things in perspective for ya:

      I heard on a tv show it is estimated that in 2010 the Kardashian Cabal made…are you ready for this…???…$65 million dollars.

      • TomFrank

        *waits for Venom to show up to dispute that figure and simultaneously tout his own income/wealth*

      • Venom

        Tom, if you are dumb enough to believe those numbers that is your own problem.
        It is pretty sad that you put that much time and effort into worrying about people on the Internet.
        I sure as fuck don’t give two craps about you or anyone else here longer than the milliseconds it takes to read a comment maybe make a quick reply and move on.

        If you don’t have any money in life, perhaps it is because you can’t partition entertainment on the web from reality.

        FYI, I am sure there are plenty of well off and wealthy people that come on here and post comments, including celebrities. You think they don’t come on here also?

      • TomFrank

        If only I could catch fish this easily.

  5. Eloped = “Gotten peed on.” Right?

  6. And Brettnerd wishes she had just committed suicide.

  7. HEY HICK FUCK YOU!

    I wonder how elaborate the divorce is going to be. We’ll find out in a year.

  8. zomgbie

    she still can elope.
    to the mariana trench.

    plz.

  9. jew

    look how this cock slut looks into the camera in photo one. this girl doesn’t love kris humpries. she loves herself, money and being a filthy cock puppet. i hate her so much, but want her so badly. the duality of man.

  10. Sporange

    If “eloped” only meant ‘killed myself at age 12′ America would never have had to suffer through any of this.

  11. Karen

    Go screw a hippo doggy style…same diff

  12. cc

    God, what lying sack of shit she is…if she had to have an ovarian cyst removed and she thought she could make money off of televising it, she’d do it.

    • Clarence Beeks

      seriously! she is so full of shit!

      • taint jam

        yep – saw her on kimmel when she was voted off of dwts – she tried to get them to spare her shoes so she could sell them on ebay!

    • Marie

      Once, I watched 10 minutes of their show, to see what it was about and her sister (the huge one), was getting a pap test. If that wasn’t bad enough, the doc told her that she had a lot a vaginal discharge, indicating a possible STD. How utterly disgusting is that??? Yup, I’m with you on that one, they’ll do anything for money…

  13. forrest gump

    ……………IT STILL CAN BE DONE, honey!!

  14. JC

    Whatever, Urinal Girl. If you eloped, that means none of those companies would have given you free swag and E! wouldn’t have paid for whatever was left over. And you’d be totally O.K. with that, because you’re not at all a money-grubbing famewhore, right?

  15. JC

    In other believable news, Khole doesn’t really like food.

  16. Minky Wail

    “I literally I went crazy. It was so stressful.”
    Sounds like a get out of jail free card to me.

  17. Deacon Jones

    Photo Boy,

    You’re better than this. I believe in you.

  18. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Elope
    midgetgorillaporn
    Commented on this photo:

    if she takes the 8 iNCH platforms off & stands on the same step with chris ,
    will she at least come up to his belly button?
    or does her fat ass hit the ground …ewwww
    lawd…that’s one helluva clown right there …LOL

  19. I wish her and her sister would elope off a cliff.

  20. I have noticed that most of the women who tend to be obsessed with Kim are fat 13-18 year olds who wear 10 lbs of makeup on their faces. Looking like Kim Kardashian, who is “voluptuous” (read: borderline fat) and surgically altering every inch of their bodies is a more attainable goal than being naturally gorgeous and thin, which is something they will never be.

    • Randal(l)

      Just like the guy who mows my lawn She jumped that border a looooooong time ago.

      I didn’t mean that in any racist sort of way, My landscape architect Lucas is quite a heavy guy….Dirty Polack

  21. Truman Capote's dick

    I gotta pee

  22. Equinsu ocha! Equinsu ocha!

  23. LJ

    She collected $1.5 million from People Magazine for the rights to the wedding. Any regrets are pure bullshit, just like the “regrets” over the sex tape.

  24. Rufuss

    Kimmie K., America’s favourite brand of urinal cake. Look for it wherever you buy Ripple and MadDog 20/20.

  25. fucks she goin on about now, she eloped in her first marriage. the one that lasted three or four years. speaking of witch (sic), what’s the over-under on this one?

  26. skunk

    why would she be stressed out? not like she has to work or anything

  27. Karisa

    Leave Oprah out of this! It was a much more obvious and nefarious evil: Ryan Seacrest. Check who’s an executive producer of the show (because it’s always the goddamn reality television contract that really seals the deal post sex-tape) and who’s production company foots the bills.

    • taint jam

      whatever…that whore put apple growers out of business with that bullshit alar scare – not to mention the hype over mad cow…fuck her

  28. John Robert

    Kim wishes she had eloped with who?
    Not this current flavor of the year doofus.
    Divorce soon Kim. The most beautiful woman in the world deserves better.

    • taint jam

      Amen. You’d think she would try to worm her way into a royal family or something…instead she’s married to a boor who walks around with mouth agape

    • lol pathetic

      The most beautiful woman in the world? What are you fucking high?

  29. [sputtering]

    Fish calling *any* website “smut-peddlers” is like comparing Hitler to Netenyahu

  30. rican

    First she regretted getting pissed on, then she regretted the Playboy shoot, now she regrets the wedding. She’s regretting herself all the way to the bank.

  31. Venom

    So wishing that she and her family accidentally walk onto Sniper training grounds and they all get taken out with shots to the head, or a drone accidentally, or correctly identifies their plane as carrying terrorists and shoots them down.
    They are a stain on society.

  32. dontlooknow

    Thankfully, I don’t personally know anyone who watches the “Triumvirat of Whoredom” show.

  33. Lydia

    I’m just gonna comment on the clothing line since I just saw it…I was wondering who would buy those clothes as they’re way overly priced for how cheaply made they are, and then I looked around at the other women in the area…stupid slutty teens all overly tanned trying to look like the kardashians and moms trying to look cool to their kids…..felt like i’d entered “Sluts-Are-Us High School” on “Parents Night”…I got out of there quick

  34. 1-900-URINE-ADDICT

    Please, help send Kim to Peehab. She is addicted to getting pissed on, and this will not stop just because she is married. She will actively seek out black men to urinate all over her writhing naked body. Please get her the help she needs before it’s too late.

    • Cock Dr

      That’s one pursuit of happiness that we should let happen. Who are we to deny Kim the hot gush of African American athlete urine?

      • rican

        The thick yellow stream changing texture as it mixes with the cream colored cake batter on her face makes for a great sex tape scene.

  35. rican

    It looks like she put some of Kris’ sperm on her hair.

  36. for the good of society...

    Can someone please put a burkka on this hippo

  37. I wish she’d eloped…and stayed eloped!

  38. Tristyn

    The human cum dumpster,!,!,! Does nothing on the down low.just ask the .NBA,NFL and some has been R&B singers …

  39. Bill C.

    Is she going to make any anal pee videos with Kris the way she did with RayJ?

  40. The Cynic

    The obsession with this whore, shows the stupidity of most Americans. It’s the same reason so many middle class, and poor people will continue to vote for a Republican party that doesn’t represent their economic best interests. This country is too stupid to know any better.

    And for the guy who felt guilty about jerkin off to her: you’ve gotta draw the line somewhere. I’ve stroked it to a million porn stars, not all of them beautiful, but I would never touch myself in an impure way to this pig. Standards man.

  41. Jamie Lynn's Uterus

    Stressed out from what? She doesn’t do a fucking thing, except have a fat ass and a boring sex tape. Have you seen it? She is so BLAH in bed. She is such vile disgusting trash. Die Kim Die!

  42. Kim K Superstar, rides again

    I am 30 years old, but act like a vain and self-obsessed 13-year old. My dream was always to become a princess. Instead I became an anal porn star, but I still think I am a princess. My body is full of plastic surgery. My boobs, azz, lips, teeth, cheeks, nose, hair, facelift etc. are all bought and paid for, courtesy of a plastic surgeon. I was jealous of Paris Hilton so I put out a SEX TAPE because she did. I idolized Paris Hilton. I used to hang on her like a koala bear all the time, to get my picture taken by the paparazzi. Until 2007 I did cocaine. I know there are pictures as proof, but I will deny it forever.

    My pimp mother, Kris, fvcked the pool boy while my father, Robert Kardashian, was at work. He was one of the lawyers that helped keep OJ Simpson out of jail after he killed Ron Goldman and his ex-wife Nicole. Anyway, the result was my pathetic half gorilla sister Khloe, who is a whore just like me. Whenever my mouth is moving I am lying, as I am INCAPABLE of telling the truth about anything. I pretend that if I lie about things people will eventually believe it. The way I walk, talk, and laugh is fake; and if you look into my eyes you can even see that my soul is fake. I have no personality at all!

    Although I pretended to be upset by the sex tape, I was the one that sent it to Vivid Entertainment, and they paid me $5 million to expose my nasty self. Ray J had nothing to do with the leaked sex tape. I tricked him into making a porn film with me for distribution. My former publicist, Jonathan Jaxson, knows what happened! I am just waiting for him, and many more, to come out and reveal how I really am. I exploit my FAKE body all of the time because I lack intelligence, elegance, class, dignity, self-respect, and morals. I really am a very dirty woman.

    My ex husband Damon Thomas whom I married at the age of 19 in Las Vegas publicly called me: untalented, a trashy whore, desperate, a plastic surgery addict, a backstabber (to my family), and a cheater. I have no real friends because I have misused and stepped on everybody that has come my way for fame. I am currently using social medias to snake my way in to other celebrity’s lives for friendship and publicity. I show up like a diva to all kind of award shows that I have NO business at all to attend. The only award show I should attend is the AVN. I call the paparazzi myself. I learned that trick from Paris Hilton, but I’m too cheap to buy them lunch like she does.

    I have NO talent what so ever. I was thrown off Dancing with the Stars on the second week. I made a work out video that clearly shows I’m in a very bad shape. I did a test shoot for Playboy, but after seeing the proofs they refuse to acknowledge me. I got a Razzie for my sad performance in the parody Disaster Movie. I should have gotten one for my sextape as well. My song JAM, I have no words for. It is the most annoying and pitiful song in history. I sing like an unmusical, tone deaf, four year old with a nasal monotone voice; very unfortunate! Reciently I made a video to go with the song. In it I shove my HUGE azz into the camera like a baboon in heat waiting to get mounted.

    Anybody who don’t like me for the rotten and lying whore that I am I call haters or jealous! We, the Kardashians, call each other dolls, and I alone have tainted the pussycat dolls by heisting their concept. I pretend that I care about others, but I could care less. I only care about myself. I tried to fvck over children by selling them an insane debit Master Card with predatory fees. It was unfortunately taken off the market after 1 week under threat of legal action from several states. Thankfully I found a new way to rip off the kids with glam silly bandz. Over weight children should skip normal diet & exercise and do shady diet pills or lipo-suction like me.

    I Stole $120k from Ray J and Brandy’s mother, Sonja Norwood, credit card. After being busted I paid her back with the money I got from the sex tape I made with her son. That’s the circle life, Mrs. Norwood. The clothes at Dash are pure knock offs from top brands and designers. I don’t even know how to sew on a button or sketch anything. But I call myself a fashion designer. The logo on my perfumes is a complete rip of from Korcula creator Lindley Bertin.

    For World AIDS Day I went off social medias until my fans had raised $1M.
    I was confident that within 12 hours I would be back. Seven days later I had to be bailed out by a billionaire who wanted to spare me shame. This is how much my «fans» value and missed me.

    I have never been single because I am to scared to spend time with myself. I am looking very much forward to the day my grand children sits on my lap and ask me if I am an anal porn star because that’s what everybody in kindergarten will say. I also love to flaunt my gigantic fake hippo azz. It’s my calling card for any rich Black man that wants to ram my azz hard and move on! Evan Ross, Marquis Houston, Scott Storch, Fabolous, The Game, Nick Cannon, Nick Lachey, Tyson Beckford, William ‘Ray J’ Norwood, Reggie Bush, Christiano, Chengo (The Bodyguard is one of my favorite movies ever) Miles Austin, Gabriel Aubry (only because everybody said I was only into black guys) Kanye West, and my now contractual husband for the next 2 years Kris Humpries; are just a FEW of the men that have ALL fvcked me, pissed in my mouth, AND dumped me. They know that I am trash and that brings their reputations down to the gutter with mine. I will fvck anyone for publicity. I have had many STDs, but the only one I have now is herpes (got that from Paris too). I am pathetic, plastic, and terribly insecure.

    I am a national and international joke, and gave out my own ANAL/PISS SEX TAPE to get famous. I am a human toilet. I am clearly a very sick human being and I’m 100% shameless. I am the filthiest famewhore in the whole wide world!

    I am Kim Kardashian…
    Superstar

    • Richard McBeef

      haven’t seen this copy & paste in a while… i thought you died from the ass cancer that spammers are at an increased risk for, no?

      • Cock Dr

        Don’t dis my favorite spammer.
        At least they aren’t selling anything. Someone just intensely hates the wide assed one.

    • just say'n

      ROFL
      Very funny, and oh SO TRUE, but waaaaaay to long.

  43. MARGE HAPPENS

    make it stop!

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  45. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Elope
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    This marriage won’t last long if Kris keeps hogging the camera.

  46. tvwatcher

    Bottomfeeders who won the lottery.

  47. tvwatcher

    The Kartrashians are everything that is wrong with America.

    • mr natural

      yeah, that and our ruling class and their cronies (Solyndra, anyone??) in the corp world and military indl. complex

  48. Gerbil in my Butt

    She would of rather eloped??? And miss the huge payday? I think not. Bitch.

  49. Tootles

    Lying useless cunt, you’d rather sell that useless whore mother of your down the river then miss out broadcasting your shitty wedding to the world. And by the world I mean the fucking twits out there that live and breathe every word a useless cunt like you says.

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