My Name’s Mike, And I Like Kim Kardashian’s Huge, Giant Tits

May 20th, 2014 // 80 Comments
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Folks, there’s something I need to come clean about, but first let me make this crystal clear: I fucking hate Kim Kardashian. She’s a horrible, empty, rawhide husk of a person who represents everything that’s wrong with America, and more specifically, I genuinely hope she gets some form of AIDS on her wedding night which she just had to schedule over Memorial Day weekend when I get a Monday off I will kill your whole family I swear to God. She’s an incurable disease I’m forced to write about not because my parent company manages her personal website (They could give a shit.), but because she’s what you people want, and God knows I’ve got mountains of data to prove it. Even worse, it’s what I, me, like looking at because have you seen her breasts? They’re goddamn huge. She literally proves I’d stare at Satan if he had big enough tits. That’s who I am as a person. I’m someone who actually likes looking at Kim Kardashian’s breasts. No, that’s not true – *wipes tear* – I love looking at them. Oh God… *sobs*

Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Fish, it’s ok.
    My name is Topher, and I too love staring at Kim Kardashian’s breasts.
    We’re brothers in this regard.

  2. It’s okay, Mike. We share your pain. If you want breasts just as big, I suggest Coco or Aubrey O’Day. But then again, they aren’t as high profile as this slore, so I see the issue.

  3. Randal

    Mike… My condolences.. your in my prayers.

  4. Hiii Miiiike.
    Find yourself a sponsor, grab a cup of coffee, and remember these tenants of the 12 Steps:
    One day at a time.
    Keep coming back.
    It works if you work it.
    Let go and let God.

    Etc.

  5. ManWhoHasSeenAVagina

    The first step is recognizing your problem.

    Next, you need to realize that there are lots of big titted whores out there. Ones that aren’t hairy, aren’t covered with psoriasis, aren’t destroying our society, and don’t smell like Ray J’s piss. Also, you can find big tits combined with a reasonable ass, instead of this fat cow’s cottage cheese-filled dumper.

    PS – Ignore Don Zaloog’s suggestions, Coco’s equally disgusting.

    • dirt dog

      Amen!

    • Coco is nowhere near as bad as Kim K. Coco isn’t bad at all. Sexy body, cool personality and flexible. What more do you want? Coco trumps Kim K any and every day.

      • The thing Coco has going for her over Kim is that she isn’t an annoying cunt or a vapid whore. But as for being attractive, no. Just no.

      • Don, I love you like the slightly slower (and much nicer) younger brother I never had and certainly didn’t want, but you know you’d bang Miley Cyrus in a heartbeat, so your critical faculties clearly can’t be trusted.

      • ManWhoHasSeenAVagina

        I tried to reply to you once, but I think the site blocked it. Perhaps because I used a certain phrase, about a type of shark that dwells in the mud.

        What I said was, Coco is a fat, famewhoring [insert-racially-insensitive-term-for-a-woman-who-likes-black-cock-here] with a disgustingly oversized ass. I fail to see the distinction.

        Coco’s body is awful. I’d have to get paid before I would fuck a beast like her.

      • ManWhoHasSeenAVagina

        Yep, it apparently dropped my comment because of my referring to Kim and Coco with the colloquial name for the squalus acanthias. I assume I would also be blocked if I referred to their tendency to burn coal. Next thing you know, I won’t be able to reference Robert DeNiro’s proclivity for drilling for oil.

        Censorship really sucks. It puts quite a damper on creativity and linguistic flourishes.

      • It puts quite a damper on creativity and linguistic flourishes.

        Don’t flatter yourself.

      • Exactly how many comments are you going leave whining about how the site won’t let you be a racist twat?

      • This particular fuckwit is a reeeeaaalllly slow learner. “Censorship” be fucked, he’s had his sorry ass well and truly handed to him several weeks ago regarding almost identical comments, and he’s back for more. Apparently hope really does spring eternal – he’s just sure there are people out there who will embrace his moronic conclusions about the intellectual inferiority of blacks and other races (it’s science!), let alone his obsession with interracial relationships.

        This really does make him the ultimate bottom feeder – the irony is, he’s poncing around here feel oh-so-superior because he’d never sully himself by fucking Kim K. I’ve honestly never seen anyone fancy themselves more, with so pathetically little to base that on.

      • ManWhoHasSeenAVagina…I’m not sure if you’re aware of it, but Don is a 6’4″ black dude who lives in the Caribbean. And he’s seen

      • thousands of vaginas.

  6. We’re all in it, Fish.

    Our minds are screaming “FUCK NO!”, but our penises are yelling “HELL YEAH!”

  7. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Meshuggah Tits
    Commented on this photo:

    Am I the only person who sees E.T.’s profile on the back of Kanye’s head?

  8. Meh, I could do without ever seeing them again. Maybe it’s the Costco-sized ass that ruins it for me. That, and the vapidblightonsocietyfamewhoreness.

  9. Short Round

    Don’t fight it, Fish. Tits are the magic, delicious kryptonite we all men are defenseless against. It’s not your fault. It’s mother nature. She’s a bitch!

  10. dontkillthemessenger

    If you like big titties, may I introduce you to Rob Kardashian?

  11. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Sabu
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim from the top, lemme hear it. Ok, like, there’s coconut shrimp, shrimp kebab, popcorn shrimp…

  12. Cock Dr

    Notice how no one, NO ONE, cops to yearnings for the hindquarters.

  13. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    They aren’t that great.
    So many other, better things to love out there.

  14. JC

    Two words: Kat Dennings.

    Problem solved.

  15. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    MOO

  16. It's been at least two weeks since this was reposed...

    KIM K, SUPERSTAR

    I am 33 years old, but act like a vain and self-obsessed 13-year old. My dream was always to become a princess. Instead I became an anal porn star, but I still think I’m a princess. My body is full of plastic surgery. My boobs, ass, lips, teeth, cheeks, nose, hair, facelift etc., were all bought from a plastic surgeon. I use to idolized Paris Hilton and I would hang on her like a koala bear all the time just to get my picture taken by the paparazzi. I was very jealous of Paris; so on my mother’s advise we ‘leaked’ a SEX TAPE too. When we first shot the video I had my partner (William ‘RayJ’ Norwood) pee on me. Golden showers really turn me on, and I figured that would be enough shock to get the ball rolling. Mom didn’t think it was vile enough, so we re-shot the video. In the retake I suck my own shit that’s been smeared on my partner’s dick right after he finished reaming out my black stink hole.

    Although I pretended to be upset by the sex tape, I was the one that sent it to Steve Hirsch at Vivid Entertainment. They paid me $5 million to expose my nasty self. RayJ had nothing to do with the leaked tape. My former publicist, Jonathan Jaxson, knows exactly what happened. He’s one of the many people I’ve screwed over. Money and fame is all I live for. I’m just waiting for him (and many, many more) to come out and reveal how I really am. I exploit my FAKE body all of the time because I lack elegance, class, dignity, self-respect, intelligence, and morals. I really am a very dirty woman; both inside and out.

    My pimp mother Kris Jenner (who in most ways is a bigger whore than me) fucked her hairdresser and the pool boy while my father, Robert Kardashian, was at work. Dad was an ambulance chaser, and helped keep OJ Simpson out of jail after he killed Ron Goldman and his ex-wife Nicole by hiding much of the blood evidence from the police. Anyway, the result was my pathetic half gorilla sister Khloe, who is a whore just like me. Whenever my mouth is moving I am lying, as I am INCAPABLE of telling the truth about anything. I pretend that if I lie about things people will eventually believe it. The way I walk, talk, and laugh is fake; and if you look into my eyes you can even see that my soul is fake. I have no real personality at all!

    My ex husband Damon Thomas, whom I married at the age of 19 in Las Vegas, publicly called me: untalented, a trashy whore, desperate, a plastic surgery addict, a backstabber, and a cheater. I have no real friends because I have misused and stepped on everybody that has come my way for fame. If you see me in public it’s either because someone is paying me to be there, or I know the paps will be there to take my picture. I am currently using social medias to snake my way in to other celebrity’s lives for friendship and publicity. I show up like a diva to all kind of award shows that I have NO business at all attending. The only award show I should attend is the AVN. I call the paparazzi myself. I learned that trick from Paris Hilton, but unlike Paris I’m too cheap to buy them lunch like she does.

    I have NO talent what so ever. I was thrown off Dancing with the Stars on the second week. I made a work out video that clearly shows I’m in very bad shape. I did a test shoot for Playboy, but after seeing the proofs they refuse to acknowledge me. I got a Razzie for my sad performance in the parody Disaster Movie. I should have gotten one for my sextape as well. My song JAM, I have no words for. It is the most annoying and pitiful song in history. I sing like a tone deaf four year old with a nasal monotone voice; very unfortunate. In the music video I shove my HUGE ass into the camera like a baboon in heat waiting to get mounted.

    Anybody who don’t like me for the rotten and lying whore that I am I call haters or jealous. We, the Kardashian’s, call each other dolls; and I alone have tainted the Pussycat Dolls by heisting their concept. I pretend that I care about others, but I could not care less. If I’m at a charity event you can bet I’m either getting paid to be there, or I’m there because I called the paps and want to get my picture taken. If you read the fine print from my charity auctions you’ll see I keep 90% of the proceeds . The only person I really care about is myself. I’ve tried to fuck over children and teens by selling them an insane debit Master Card with predatory fees. I was forced to take it off the market after one week under the threat of legal action in several States. Thankfully I found a new way to rip off the kids, with glam silly bandz. Over weight children should skip normal diet & exercise and do shady diet pills or lipo-suction like me.

    I stole $120k from Sonja Norwood’s (Ray J and Brandy’s mother) credit card. After being busted I paid her back with the money I got from the sex tape I made with her son. That’s the circle life Mrs. Norwood. The clothes at Dash are pure knock offs from top brands and designers. Neither my sisters nor I know how to sew on a button or sketch anything, but we call ourselves fashion designers. Much of our clothing line is made by underage Chinese children. I pay them a dollar a day to work an 18-hour shift in one of my sweatshops. The logos on my perfumes are a complete rip-off from Korcula creator Lindley Bertin, and Chroma Makeup co-owner Michael Rey.

    For World AIDS Day I went off social medias until my fans had raised $1M. I was confident that within 12 hours I would be back. Seven days later I had to be bailed out by billionaire pharmaceutical entrepreneur Stewart Rahr who wanted to spare me any further shame. This is how much my «fans» value and missed me. Not that it really bothers me all that much. Most of my fans are just ignorant working-class insecure teen girls. Most of them will be lucky if they get a GED. I’m doing them a favor by letting them see what it’s like to be one of the wealthy that can shop at stores they only get to read about. The biggest purchase most of my «fans» will ever make will be a used double-wide that has running water.

    Recently I started popping pills to help myself feel better. Valium, Vicoden, Antenex, and Benzo really do make a girl feel better; you should try them. Until 2007 I did cocaine with Paris. I know there are pictures as proof, but I will deny forever that I drink or have used drugs.

    I have never been single because I am too scared to spend time with myself. I am very much looking forward to the day when my grand children can sit on my lap. Even though they will ask me if I am an anal porn star, because I know that’s what everybody in kindergarten will tell them. I also love to flaunt my gigantic fake hippo ass. It’s my calling card for any rich Black man that wants to ram my ass hard and move on! Evan Ross, Marquis Houston, Scott Storch, Fabolous, The Game, Nick Cannon, Nick Lachey, Tyson Beckford, William ‘Ray J’ Norwood, Reggie Bush, Christiano, Chengo (The Bodyguard is one of my favorite movies ever) Miles Austin, Bow Wow, Gabriel Aubry (only because everybody said I was only into black guys) and my husband of 72 days Kris Humpries; are just a FEW of the men that have ALL fucked me, pissed in my mouth, AND dumped me. They know that I am trash, and that I will bring their reputations down into the gutter with mine. I will fuck anyone for publicity. Currently I’m bearding for racist hip-hop artist Kanye West. He accused the President of not liking black people during a telethon to help raise money for the people of New Orleans after hurricane Katrina. I have had many STDs, but the only one I have now is herpes (got that from Paris too). I am pathetic, plastic, and terribly insecure.

    I am a national and international joke, and gave out my own ANAL/PISS SEX TAPE to get famous. I am a human toilet. I am clearly a very sick human being and I am 100% shameless. I am the filthiest famewhore in the whole wide world!

    I am Kim Kardashian… Superstar

  17. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    Rog from “What’s Happening” is very angry because he isn’t banging a Kardashian.

  18. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like some of the boutiques in Paris got a nice wad of Kanye currency.
    What a sucker.

  19. Juano

    Once her lame, scripted reality show fades, she’ll become the spokesperson for the plastic surgery industry. I can see their tag line now:

    “If we can make this dog hunt, we can make your droopy ass bounce!”

    Or she can become the spokesperson for American Standard urinals, or better yet, urinal cakes:

    “I know what it’s like to get pissed on, and the need to smell fresh afterwards”.

  20. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    oh yeah!!

  21. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    bob
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s fat

  22. anonyous

    Even I got to admit her tits in that top look good but the rest of her looks like shit. Even her face looks fake these days.

  23. Don’t be too surprised. Big tits usually come with giant asses. Cheeseburgers will do that.

  24. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Commented on this photo:

    All the girls in the world that I know have nipples that point forward. Maybe she needs a tit wrangler to keep them in line?

  25. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Commented on this photo:

    Thunderdome reject? Now that is a look.

  26. chorus of voices: “HI MIKE!”

  27. You are a moronic chubby chaser.

  28. RayJ

    Can I pee on her again?

  29. We don’t fucking want her or want to see her, you can stop posting this piece of shit anytime now.

  30. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Phoenix
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice but I’d rather bury my face in her ass.

    • MZ MIZRY

      you could bury your face, your body all of your relatives, your pet, your entire neighborhood, all of their pets, and your home state in her ass.

  31. the truth

    i gotta take a piss.

  32. Robb7

    Come on, Sophia fucking Vegara and hundreds of younger, prettier, natural, funny, interesting, smart, and non-nasal voiced beauties out there who don’t reek of urine!!

  33. Mr. Mike,
    I don’t know if you know this, but the internet has pictures of naked boobies on it. You don’t have to settle for these.

  34. Ppppfffftttt! Classic misdirection. We all know your name is David and you like big breasts. Also, you’d trade Kim K. for Hillary Duff faster than Geekologie guy would make out with a dinosaur.

  35. Joe

    Don’t you mean your parent company “couldn’t” give a shit? You said they “could give a shit”, which means they could, and may well do. What is it with you Americans and that phrase? The phrase is: I couldn’t care less… not, I COULD care less.

  36. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    AweseomeTownie
    Commented on this photo:

    i hate them as people. but man that must get annoying

  37. Facts_

    You can see the scar from her fake boobs under her armpit.

  38. Her boobs are just there to make you give her attention. Attention is the oxygen of her being. Please, STOP! SAVE YOURSELF AND THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  39. Stop staring into her deadlights, guys. That’s how the clown gets you.

  40. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Commented on this photo:

    This is sexy…ok, incredibly sexy. And….hate

  41. right

    Have you see her ass? It looks like 30lbs of cottage cheese in a 10lb bag. That should be all the help you need. I personally know 3 web cam models with nicer boobs than hers.

  42. That woman is there only to remind us the perfect titfuck does exist out there

  43. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Commented on this photo:

    For fake tits, hers are not bad. She had an ample supply of blubber to conceal her fun bags a little better than others did. She is still an annoying cunt though.

  44. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Brooks
    Commented on this photo:

    He was great as Bubba in Forrest Gump.

    Top notch.

  45. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Mark Thompson
    Commented on this photo:

    Is Vegas taking bets on this marriage, because I would bet < 2 years.

  46. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Art-Girl
    Commented on this photo:

    If your girlfriend only fucked her last two quickie husbands, in divorce court; If her only known hobbies are shopping, vacationing and plastic surgery; If she’s never held down a real job in her ENTIRE life… then guess what ya moron?! you’re dating a GOLD DIGGER!

    Kanye really should give his back catalog a listen every once and a while :/

  47. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Commented on this photo:

    At least she’s got a nice pair of tits. And nothing else.

  48. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Commented on this photo:

    “C’mon, take the shot already. I gotta pee.”

  49. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh my gawd…you mean to tell me that I’ve been walking around all damn day with my side boob hanging out. Why didn’t someone tell me…?”

  50. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Side Boob Hanging Out Of Tank Top Kanye West
    Grundle Scrubber
    Commented on this photo:

    And in news that surprised absolutely no one…

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