Kim Kardashian Robbery: Inside Job Like Literally Everyone Guessed

UPDATE: Kim’s limo driver and his brother have been released without charges, so yes, foreign police departments are within Kris’s reach. Repent.

Yesterday, 17 suspects were arrested in connection to Kim Kardashian’s robbery. And now come reports that her Paris limo driver was one of them, which brings us one step closer to proving that Kris Jenner orchestrated the whole thing for erotic pleasure. And, yes, I’m going to say that in every post until she sues me and/or harvests my soul. Come at me, demon! Us Weekly reports:

Police are investigating whether Kim Kardashian’s robbery was an inside job. One of the 17 suspects arrested in connection with the heist works for the limo company that the Kardashian-Jenner family regularly used during trips to Paris, French newspaper Le Monde reports and Us Weekly confirms.
According to Le Monde, the chauffeur was the last person to drive the Keeping Up With the Kardashians star before the October 3 incident, where Kardashian, 36, was tied up and gagged by five armed assailants who took an estimated $10 million worth of jewelry, including her new diamond ring from husband Kanye West. Police are trying to determine whether the driver passed information to the thieves.

According to Page Six, the driver’s brother was also among the 17 arrested, and police are investigating a different set of brothers who allegedly handled the stolen jewelry because apparently every single person in Paris decided they wanted to rob Kim Kardashian. Understandable.

The unidentified brothers – who are in their 50s and live in the Parisian suburb of Raincy – were “involved in the diamond trade, and are thought to have handled the stolen jewelry,” a law-enforcement source told the paper.
“Their homes have been searched from top to bottom, and so has a jewelry shop in Paris which is also linked to them,” the source said. “The jewelry has not yet been found — but these brothers could lead us to it over the coming days.”
The brothers were believed to be frequent visitors to the Belgian capital of Antwerp, known as the diamond capital of Europe.
“It’s a town where jewelry can be sold on with no questions asked,” the source said. “The men know the industry inside out, and may well know exactly where the ring went.”

Of course, you’d assume Kim would be happy to have her precious gifts from her beloved husband returned. But that won’t milk this drama into a year-long publicity campaign that drains the very lives of anyone who reads it, so here comes the horseshit. PEOPLE reports:

“Kim is aware that the French police have made arrests relating to her robbery,” a source close to the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star tells PEOPLE. “While she is relieved they are making progress, any updates makes her relive everything. It’s still very tough for her to deal with.”
The source tells PEOPLE that while the Kimoji creator is thankful that progress has been made by authorities in the case, “she gets very upset anytime she talks about the robbery” and “she just wants to move on from it.”

“Alright, Ms. Kardashian, just let me sign me right here, and this insurance check for over $10 million worth of stolen jewelry will be yours.”
“YES. GIMME!”
“Wait, hold on, I’m getting a call. — 17 people? — And they might find the ring? — That’s wonderful news! I’m sure Ms. Kardashian will be delighted she won’t have to settle for this check I’m tearing up right now.”
“MOTHER!”

kris jenner darkness legend
“What insolence is THIS?!”

(I am so sorry, Tim Curry.)

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