UPDATE: Kim Kardashian is Pregnant

June 1st, 2011 // 78 Comments

Because shotgun weddings are totes in right now, Kim Kardashian is apparently carrying Kris Humphries‘ baby already if you believe a magazine with a history of inaccurately claiming somebody is pregnant every single week on its cover:

“Kim always thought she’d have at least one or two kids by now, so she’s absolutely in a hurry,” an insider tells OK!. “And Kris loves kids and doesn’t see any reason to wait,” adds the pal. “Her friends are even taking bets on whether it will be a boy or a girl.”

While the Internet loses its shit over that fake story this morning, let’s cut to a more hilarious anecdote. Namely Kim wanting to be Kim Humphries after the wedding which, in her defense, is a way better last name for someone whose ass affects the tides. TMZ reports:

That’s right — sources close to Kim are adamant … the most famous Kardashian of them all will “for sure” take NBA star Kris Humphries’ last name when the couple ties the knot this summer.
Which might piss off Kim’s mom, Kris Jenner — who recently told Popeater.com, “I don’t think she should take his name and be Kim Humphries … She needs to be Kim Kardashian because she’s worked so hard to get where she is.”

Yes, Kim’s worked just so, so hard building a legacy that it’d be a shame to throw it all away over a stupid marriage. Years from now, her descendants should be able to look back proudly on the Kardashian name and reap the fruits of her labor. “And this is your great great grandmother Kelly Kardashian, daughter of Lady Kim herself, and haling from a line of golden shower recipients so strong, her name was once carved in a restroom at LAX for all the world to see…”

UPDATE: And here comes the pregnancy denial.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News

superficial

  1. In their defense, her ass DOES look pregnant.

  2. This is awesome: “I don’t think she should take his name and be Kim Humphries … She needs to be Kim Kardashian because she’s worked so hard to get where she is.”

    As opposed to Kris Jenner…who has taken the last name of BOTH men she’s married…I guess because she’s never worked hard at anything to get where she is, just fucked wealthy men.

  3. Freaky

    There will be a tragic “miscarriage” in 2 – 3 months. US Weekly will have exclusive print coverage of the devastating aftermath and a first interview with Kim and What’s-his-face. ET will snatch bragging rights to the first broadcast interview of Kris Jenner lamenting her lost grandbaby; they’ll tie this together with a Kim’s friends offering support and condolences in between segments. People Magazine may get exclusive rights to photos of the aborted “fetus” which will actually be porcine in origin. In 6 months, Vivid will hint that they have video of the actual conception which may or may not include Kim getting a golden shower. Dr. Oz will warn us about the dangers of golden showers in the early stages of pregnancy.

    This shit is so fake and predictable.

  4. pooty

    “if you believe a magazine with a history of inaccurately claiming somebody is pregnant every single week”

    POT KETTLE BLACK.

  5. vitobonespur

    So I guess this means she isn’t a virgin after all. Fuckin’ bitch lied to me.

    Hey, Kim. I didn’t mind your dating someone else. I didn’t mind your getting engaged to him either. But having his baby is the last straw. We are history!

    That being said, I can hardly wait to see those milk duds.

  6. Rancid

    So when she took the pregnancy test, did she get some black guy to piss on the indicator?

  7. bing

    Let’s hope pregnancy will totally ruin her gigantic ass.

  8. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries
    ella
    Commented on this photo:

    the dude is a freakin giant

    • Paloma

      Even though as most basketball players he is freakishly tall you have to take into consideration that she is only like 5’2″ so of course he is going to look like a giant standing next to her. I’m sure he isn’t any taller than the majority of players out there.

      I think they make a cute couple. He looks like a very nice man. I hope they are very happy together and have lots of babies.

      • asshole

        I think you’re on the wrong site. We hate this slag here!

      • Laula

        WTF! I’m sorry but judging by his hands and in some previous photos on this site his feet he must have a huuuuuge ………

        Nothing wrong with that but if she is only 5′ 2″- I can’t even imagine the gargantum sized baby she’ll have to birth- most likely with some serious rippage involved. *shivers*

        That’s not cute that’s just cruel!

  9. learn something new every day

    I didn’t know you could get pregnant by someone urinating on you.

  10. Venom

    Literally anything to keep her name in the news.

  11. Michael

    I for one can’t wait until she gets 5-8 months pregnant. It’s gonna be a disaster of comedic proportions. All y’all reserve a seat until then.

  12. Ladies, taking a guy’s last name when you get married does not make you any more “married.” If you want to do it, go ahead, but don’t kid yourself.

  13. the dude

    Wow, so was it just her big fat ass starting these rumors the entire time?

  14. dontlooknow

    I can certainly understand her wanting to charge her name to Kim Humphries, since most people spit when they hear the name Kim Kardashian….

  15. Sir Digby Chicken Caeser

    she’s too much of a fame whore to deny this kind of story. 20 minutes after pissing on the stick, she’d have E! on the phone planning the 2 hours special…

  16. Robert Acquafresca

    Do you think Ray J is a bit pissed about this?

  17. Sin

    The Fame Whore saw the press one sister got for having a baby and the other for getting married. Since she just has to have the media coverage, she thought she might as well do both. You know the talentless slut already has an extention with E! for this shit.

  18. Sin

    “She worked hard to get to where she is.” What a bunch of crap. Leaking a bad sex tape, and yes, she was terrible in a sex tape, and having a piece of shit as a father does not make you famous. Only by her mother constantly calling the papparazzi as to where Kim is at is the only reason she is in the press.
    No talent. NONE. She can’t act. Like I said, she was pathetic in a sex tape.
    No skills, she can’t actually DO anything. She is just the Nations #1 Fame whore.

  19. the captain

    the good news: HER T*TS WILL EVEN BE BIGGER.
    the bad news: it will be a white kid.

  20. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries
    me
    Commented on this photo:

    why I cant stop imagining him having the smallest cock?

  21. ec

    I thot a STD made you sterile.

  22. anonym

    these two look awkward together with their size difference.

  23. asshole
    Commented on this photo:

    Ummm…I think you have a spider on your face.

  24. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries
    Sexxxy Mami
    Commented on this photo:

    I didn’t know Home Depot sold plaster in the color orange.

  25. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries
    Asshole
    Commented on this photo:

    “My ass injections will come out through my asshole at the stroke of midnight!”

  26. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries
    Asshole
    Commented on this photo:

    “Did I remember to put down peepee pads foe Khole before I left the house?”

  27. Nancy

    Desperate people do desperate things

  28. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries
    maeby
    Commented on this photo:

    “His dick is HOW big?”

  29. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries
    Donald Trump
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow – she must have learned makeup tricks from the Hollywood Queens. Girl no!

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