UPDATE: Kim Kardashian is Pregnant

Because shotgun weddings are totes in right now, Kim Kardashian is apparently carrying Kris Humphries’ baby already if you believe a magazine with a history of inaccurately claiming somebody is pregnant every single week on its cover:

“Kim always thought she’d have at least one or two kids by now, so she’s absolutely in a hurry,” an insider tells OK!. “And Kris loves kids and doesn’t see any reason to wait,” adds the pal. “Her friends are even taking bets on whether it will be a boy or a girl.”

While the Internet loses its shit over that fake story this morning, let’s cut to a more hilarious anecdote. Namely Kim wanting to be Kim Humphries after the wedding which, in her defense, is a way better last name for someone whose ass affects the tides. TMZ reports:

That’s right — sources close to Kim are adamant … the most famous Kardashian of them all will “for sure” take NBA star Kris Humphries’ last name when the couple ties the knot this summer.
Which might piss off Kim’s mom, Kris Jenner — who recently told Popeater.com, “I don’t think she should take his name and be Kim Humphries … She needs to be Kim Kardashian because she’s worked so hard to get where she is.”

Yes, Kim’s worked just so, so hard building a legacy that it’d be a shame to throw it all away over a stupid marriage. Years from now, her descendants should be able to look back proudly on the Kardashian name and reap the fruits of her labor. “And this is your great great grandmother Kelly Kardashian, daughter of Lady Kim herself, and haling from a line of golden shower recipients so strong, her name was once carved in a restroom at LAX for all the world to see…”

UPDATE: And here comes the pregnancy denial.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News