Kim Kardashian’s Pregnant

December 31st, 2012 // 90 Comments
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“Whatchoo talkin’ bout, Matt Lauer?”

I feel confident saying that by today most of us have let our guard down and began to feel pretty confident that the world was not going to end in 2012, so we only have ourselves to blame for Kim Kardashian being pregnant. Our pride and decadence brought this upon ourselves. TMZ reports:

Yeezy dropped the baby bombshell on stage Sunday night in Atlantic City by simply asking the crowd, “Can we make some noise for my baby mama right quick?”
Our Kardashian sources confirm Kim is 12 weeks pregnant, and apparently several members of the K clan have been sitting on the secret.

Of course, the most ridiculous part of this news besides Kanye West confirming he’s exactly as stupid as he sounds, is that Kim is literally trying to act like she had no idea he’d tell everyone on stage, the night before the most wide open and empty news day of the entire year where it’d be guaranteed to get constant coverage. Because let’s not kid ourselves, the minute she missed her period, Kris Jenner cracked an eagle egg into a goblet and divined the exact date of this announcement from the bones and sinew, her powers already growing stronger. “Soon, Castle Greyskull will be mine. All mine. MUAHAHAHA!”

Photos: Splash News, WENN


  1. Cock Dr

    I’m sure they’ll be very private about all of it.

  2. This child will be an empathetic and caring individual. Choosing to stay out of the limelight, this child will give to the community and let others take the rewards.

    This childs parents will wonder where they went wrong.

  3. Sandoucheky

    Their business managers will keep a separate ledger for all of the money they earn from this baby… People magazine exclusive spread, new reality spinoff “KIM HAZ A BB”, commercials and sponsored tweets for Huggies, etc.

    • I hear Kris Jenner is taking bids for naming rights. I look forward to the birth of Kashi, Kohler, or Kimberly-Clark Kardashian.

      Kohler? Don’t they make toilets? Yes. Yes, they do.

  4. Kris Jenner is drawing up Wile E. Coyote-style blueprints for a camera and lighting rig installation in Kim’s uterus as we speak.

  5. grobpilot

    So, is this going to be a piss baby that shoots out of her asshole in nine months?

  6. Arlene

    I wonder how many Jackals had to die before that pregnancy took. Call PETA!

  7. El Jefe

    Ironic considering this idiot made a song referencing 18 years and then has a baby with the single biggest gold digger on the planet.

  8. This is certainly a sign of the Apocalypse, no?

  9. Ronaldo

    If she was big now…she will get planet size during the pregnancy. Will she be able to lose it????? I dont think so.

    • I picture the falling shadow scene from Independence Day, as the alien saucers arrive. Earth will be crushed by the gravity pull created by both Kim and Jessica’s expanding preggo bodies.

  10. self-righteous haters

    Haters are sick and beside themselves this morning, now they are figuring the Mayans were probably right.

  11. Sliver

    So I take it she must have seen a 3rd quarter loss this year? I mean they usually play everything else before tossing out the baby card. Yes?

  12. here’s a fun game we can all play:

    __________ will be to Kim and Kanye as Gwyneth Paltrow is to Jay-Z and Beyonce.

    I’m a let you finish, but I’m gonna go ahead and say it’s gonna be Lindsay Lohan. LINDSAY LOHAN

  13. Juch

    So this must mean he’s not gay and she’s not a slut, right?

    • Schmidtler

      idk about that – my take on this is that it just confirms what all of us already knew – Kanye is a retard, and KK will do anything for attention.

  14. vandinz

    Imagine what a little cunt the kid will grow up to be.

  15. zomgbie

    GOD DAMN YOU MAYANS ALL TO HELLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • JohnyHildo

      Let’s not go blamin’ the mayans..all they did was predict the end of the world…this is something much more horrific altogether. That poor kid…

  16. Gee, I sure hope this doesn’t ruin her great figure! (@#$ yes, that was sarcasm!)

  17. Congratulations to the expecting parents.

    However…Kanye West has made a huge mistake in his life by impregnating this woman. Kim Kardashian is only interested in one thing in life: Kim Kardashian. The woman is a textbook narcissist. The ending of Kanye’s and Kim’s relationship will make Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry’s breakup look like a terribly civilized English high tea by comparison.

    • I look at it this way: Kanye is equally enamored of himself, and therefore these two could be blissfully married to one another and not even realize the other person is there. I just hope someone remembers to hire a nanny for the kid.

  18. Kim Kardashian Pregnant
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    Congrats to the parents to be! Wishing you a beautiful and healthy little calf!

  19. Gin&Tonic

    well there goes the next 6 months…

  20. Viv

    Congratulations Mrs. Humphries, you and your husband must be so happy!

  21. self-righteous haters

    HAHAHAHA Haters gonna hate. Hate is in their DNA

    • Have you lost your way ? You’re on the wrong website for comments like that. The Superficial is all about Kardashian hate :) MOO. Frankly this news made my stomach turn right over and it’s a miracle I didn’t lose my brekkie. Ugh.

  22. ace11

    Her father is lucky he didn’t live to see any of this

    His Pig daughter having a thugs baby


  23. Kim Kardashian Pregnant
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    “Can you get pregnant from a golden shower?”

  24. Bane

    Kanye did what no white boy could ever do.

    They’ll split up before the little bastard’s born…

  25. fart

    Fuck this whore and her bastard.

  26. Kim Kardashian Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    I see shades of Octomom in this face here…

  27. Ok, i AM saying she’s a gold digger…

  28. Well, that’s unfortunate. I was hoping she would calve in less than nine months so we could get this over and done with, but it turns out that cows have a gestational period almost equal to humans..

  29. gregsuarez

    The Mayans were only off by a week or so. Well played, apocalypse… well played.

  30. grobpilot

    Don’t elephants gestate for a year? So, we should be expecting a Christmas baby.

    • Gin&Tonic

      A quick google search informs me that its almost 2 years for elephants which explains Jessica SImpson. Also apparently some species of shark is preggs for almost 4 years. random fact

  31. Kim Kardashian Pregnant
    Inky Black
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s the end times!

  32. How cla$$y of the Karda$$$hians to pimp out another bastard child. These “women” (whores, really) having multiple children not being married to the father (or in this case, being married to someone else) is really not OK and when is TV and every goddamn website going to stop glorifying them?

    • blahblah

      As much as I hate the Kardashians, not being married to the fathers is the least of the children’s concern.

    • Tinka

      Who the hell still cares whether the parents are married or not? Okay, being married to someone ELSE when becoming preggo, that really isn’t ok, but otherwise? Doesn’t matter.

  33. Jay

    So how long until the fake wedding?

  34. Kodos

    I could not give less of a shit….

    I would not piss on her if… oh wait… nevermind.

    Fuck it.

  35. O.o

    poor kid is going to have one huge ass

  36. Kim Kardashian Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    I ain’t saying she a gold digger…..oh, wait. Yes, I am.

  37. whatwhat

    Turns out it IS possible to get pregnant from anal sex. Who knew?

  38. This is a very private time for the loving couple and their families. I think everyone should cut them some slack and allow them to bask in the joy and unity that family can bring…*spit-take* Shit! There goes my coffee…I’m sorry, gang, I just couldn’t hold it together any longer than that…

  39. She’s just celebrating black monday.

  40. [img][/img]

  41. MauryPovich

    Kanye West:
    You are the father!

  42. Gigi

    I just wonder how long Kanye will put of the Momager before he cuts bait and runs. There are one too many egos in that relationship (Kim, Kanye and Kris). Oh sweet lord, the KKK.

  43. Greenie

    18 years. 18 years. She got one of your kids, got you for 18 years. 18 years of pissing on her tits to “get her off”. 18 years of watching that awesome ass succumb to gravity. 18 years of Kris Jenner and a Wookie. HA HA – Nelson voice.

  44. Kim Kardashian Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    She is absolutely gorgeous!

  45. This is REALLY going to help her in divorce court.


    Happy New Year everyone.


  46. Kim Kardashian Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like the Mayan’s may have been right.

  47. to

    hope she doesn’t catch AIDS

  48. Remember this blind item from 2011? Hmmm, wonder who it was referring to…

    ““IWhy would someone get married simply to get divorced? Money. Fame. Her romances make the front page of every tabloid, and her weddings will make more money than they cost. Since she has no discernible talent, she will use what she has to make and stay in the headlines. She believes that a rotating door of romances and grooms will keep her in the spotlight long after most stars burn out. When you have such lofty ambitions, it helps to have lofty goals. Her close family and friends know about these goals (although many of them don’t approve). What are those goals? 1. Babies with more than one wealthy baby daddy. 2. More marriages than Elizabeth Taylor.”

  49. I guess no one told Kanye “up the bum, no babies”.

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