KIM & KANYE ARE A PLAYBOY POSING EXPLOITATION JESUS ROCKET, YO

October 29th, 2013 // 49 Comments
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HOW MANY MOTHERFUCKERS MADE A BABY IN A MAGAZINE? A MAGAZINE!!!

Posted by Kanye West

PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET THINK THEY CAN CALL MY GIRL A COW WHILE MY BABY IN THAT ASS!! WELL NOW SHE’S GONNA GET NAKED!!! WHATEVER THE FUCK’S A STARPULSE, PUT THEM WORDS IN THE LITTLE QUOTES!

She’s keen to appear naked in Hugh Hefner’s publication again after losing her baby weight.
In a candid chat with sister Khloe, which aired on the family’s Keeping up With the Kardashians in America on Sunday night, she confessed, “I just wanna come out to the world, like, naked and be, like, ‘I look so hot. I’m back! You all called me a whale, Shamu, a cow…’”
And she revealed there’s one special part of her body she’d like the world to see: “When I came back from the hospital, the first thing I did was go and look at my vag (vagina) in the mirror and it looks better looking than before.”

GODDAMN RIGHT IT DOES!!! I LOVE THAT GIRL! FUCKING LOVE HER. AND I’M NOT JUST SAYING THAT SHIT OVER AND OVER AGAIN TO CONVINCE MYSELF I MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE. KANYE DON’T MAKE MISTAKES!!! I WANTED HER TO GET PREGNANT THAT TIME SHE SAID SHE WAS TAKING THEM PILLS BUT WASN’T. DON’T PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH BECAUSE KIM IS MY MARY!!!! WALK INTO ANY CHURCH AND THEY WILL STRAIGHT UP TELL YOUR ASS JESUS’ WIFE WAS MARY MAGDALENE! THAT COMPARISON IS FUCKING BULLETPROOF! AND MY MARY AND I ARE ABOUT TO TAKE IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL BECAUSE – LISTEN UP – WE PUTTING KRIS JENNER ON BLAST AND EXPLOITING OURSELVES!!! PAYING BILLS, FILMING REALITY SPECIALS, YEEZUS’ MARY AND I DO THAT SHIT WITHOUT YOUR SKELETON ASS! BREAK IT OFF, GOSSIP POLICE:

As for whether he and his new fiancee will televise their wedding, West is practical.
“I would take as much as possible,” he told Big Boy. “What’s official for everybody in this room and everybody on this globe right now is them bills. If you can help out with those bills, because you know me and Kim are in the exploitation business. We get paid to exploit ourselves. I’m [going to] give my daughter the opportunity to choose when she wants to be exploited. That’s the reason we didn’t take any money for any baby pictures.”

THE TRUE, HONEST FUNNY PART – NO KIMMEL – IS I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SAY THAT BITCH’S NAME FOR LIKE A MONTH!! CALLED THAT GIRL MUSTARD. US WEEKLY KETCHUP THAT SHIT:

The prodigious talent also divulged how he has wanted to be with Kardashian, 33, since he laid eyes on her many years ago. “I just knew I wanted her to be my girl for a long time,” confessed Yeezy, whose relationally-plagued past is conveyed through his smash hits, “Runaway” and “Blame Game.” He comically shared, “I remember I saw a picture of her and Paris Hilton … and I remember telling my boy … ‘Have you seen that girl Kim Kar-dijon?’”

PARDON ME, DO YOU HAVE ANY GREY POUPON? BECAUSE I’MMA TAP IT IN THAT ASS! HA! THAT’S FUNNY!! MOTHERFUCKER’S MAKING JOKES ON THE INTERNET LOOK HARD! JUST TALK ABOUT YOUR DICK!!! WE OUT!! *PUTS ON LEATHER JOGGING PANTS, PAUSES FOR A MINUTE AS HE REALIZES THE SWEET FREEDOM OF UNENCUMBERED LEGS AND WONDERS FOR A MINUTE IF FAME, WEALTH, WOMEN ARE REALLY WHAT MAKES A MAN WHOLE; KANYESHRUGS, GOES HOME AND BANGS KIM KARDASHIAN IN THE TITS ON A PILE OF DIAMONDS*

Photos: L’Officiel Hommes / Splash News

superficial

  1. *barfs* This is kind of merciful because I’d rather see the back of HIM than the back of HER.

  2. Newsflash!! You’re still a COW. Mooooooooo.

  3. JC

    Um…she knows we called her a cow before the pregnancy, right?

  4. Dox

    “And thus the second seal was broken. And the many horned cow of plenty, with her many teats bayed forth and spake unto the world.

    “Behold my glory. Soon, you shall all carry my mark.”

    And the sea’s ran black with chocolate, and the sun turned slightly reddish as a pizza, and there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
    The Book of Whorevelation

  5. So, yay surgeons?

  6. Shamu wants to live her life in magazines because they are PHOTOSHOPPED and they can make her look however they want.

    Nice try, fatty.

  7. jep

    Well, the world’s been waiting for the next Spencer Pratt / Heidi Montag, I guess. Who’d have thought they’d be even less talented yet more annoying.

  8. CubanPete

    Bonus points to anyone who stands outside their wedding with a megaphone going: “Mooooooooo…”

    • JC

      Surely this is something the Westboro Baptist Church would be willing to protest? Premarital sex, an out-of-wedlock bastard kid, and a mixed-race, gay marriage. (It still counts as gay marriage if only one of them is gay, right?) Plus a short-tempered groom, which makes it more likely for assault leading, to law suit profit. C’mon, WBC, make us fall in love with you all over again.

  9. I can’t say I look forward to her taking his money because that will on make Kardashians stronger. So here’s to murder-suicide. I’m hoping Kanye kills a Kris and Kim, then takes his own life.

  10. ThisWillHurt

    “I just want the world to see how hot my post-baby body is after all the lipo-suction, forced starvation, waxing, botox, cheek injections, hair-dying, more waxing, labial augmenting, fresh implants, lip injections, tummy tuck, airbrushing, and a lot of overpriced make-up. I’m such a role model.”

  11. So, she gives birth, experiencing the miracle of bringing a baby into the world, and the first thing she does when she gets home is admire her own vagina in the mirror, and decide she needs to show it to the world. Yep, can’t foresee that kid having any issues.

    • You forgot she Instagrammed her gargantuan ass, freshly injected with fats from God knows where or from whom, lol.

    • How fucking off-the-charts whorishly desperate for attention do you have to be to eagerly share that information with the world? What she’ll never disclose is that she doubtless needed a full-length mirror to do it.

    • anon

      Kim is part of the same passel of prostitutes that had a contest on their show with her sisters to see who’s snatch smelled the best.

      What did you expect from her? She’s a classless whore whos claim to fame is that she use to hang-off of Paris Hilton, and leaked her own interacial anal/pee video.

  12. Kim Kardashian Kanye West
    Mitch
    Commented on this photo:

    The first thing she did upon returning home from the hospital was to check out her vag? What priorities! How about paying attention to the little mulatto kid she pumped out of said vag.

    • SirOldDirtyPants

      Would you pay attention to something that increased your fame for half a second for more than half a second?

    • Urbanspaceman

      Why would she be checking out something that wasn’t used during childbirth anyway? Didn’t she have the normal celebutard scheduled c-section near the end of the 8th month?

  13. JJ Michaels

    Can anyone get a direct message to Mr. West for me?
    “Fuck You” will be fine. You can add a quick fisting if you like

  14. Kim Kardashian Kanye West
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hm? Sorry, I was daydreaming about how gorgeous my vagina is now that I’ve pushed a baby through it.”
    “Kim? Your baby’s crying over here!”
    “Maybe I should give it a landing strip.”

  15. Convex

    Newsflash Kanye: Kim Kardashian is a piss-whore cow; posing nude will never change that. You became the butt of the joke when you revealed that you’re stupid enough to proud of going where a legion of other men have gone before you. Nothing says “I’m a real man” like being proud of having something so well used. Stand tall, Kanye … oh, wait.

    *gets a stepladder for the mouthy black midget*

    NOW you can stand tall, Kanye.

  16. mememe

    Her comment is like a big dig remark: if you have to SAY your vag looks awesome, it probably doesn’t.

  17. Prance about naked if you like, dear. Your ugliness comes from within.

  18. Deacon Jones

    “…sooooo, I’m like totally going to show the world I’m not a cow by being a slut and flashing my pussy..”

  19. I got pretty fucked up drunk and there was a picture of kim kartrashian lying about and as a result of my being major league fucked up drunk at the moment, one of those “they all look good at the last call” things happened with that picture and let my hands have at it. But now there is a painful burning sensation in my dick when I piss. Should I be concerned?

  20. Didn’t this hypocritical cunt say she regretted doing the first Playboy shoot and that her mom forced her to do it?

  21. Kim Kardashian Kanye West
    anonymous
    Commented on this photo:

    Standing with one foot forward isn’t helping her look slim. You know what will? Losing weight instead of lying about it and wishing.

  22. me

    TMI Kim, plz spare us the horror of exposing your filthy cunt to us normal people. Why would we care if it looks better than before and smells better than your slutty, stupid sisters’ snatches? think we give a fuck? What i wanna no is how soon can that half breed of yours go under the knife…that is one ugly ass baby, oh wait look at ITS parents…Rob K must be rolling in his grave

  23. anonym

    the fuck, they’re just gonna photoshop it to hell anyway.

    plus Kim’s face looks like michael jackson’s plastic face now

  24. Hope she crushes his spine and smothers him in her rolls.

  25. piper

    Could you imagine being at a family dinner with all of them? Seriously though.

    Kris would be too busy to eat between drinking the preserved tears of her children and filming everything in case a young Jenner nipple pops out unexpectedly. Kourtney would be giving advice to the young Jenners on how to bag the douchiest guy they know. Kim isn’t eating because she’s too busy staring at her vagina in the full length mirror in the hall. Kanye can’t eat two bites without talking about how he is the HIGH ANGEL OF ALL THINGS ART. Bruce can’t sit too close to the table without the candlelight melting his face off. Lamar is stuck in the bathroom the whole time doing crack. In fact, the only person who is actually eating, is poor Khloe, who is worrying that steak with her teeth.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  26. Wm.

    Pictures of Kim always make me have to pee.

  27. Are they going to photograph her while her mild duds are still full? That just might be something to see.

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