Scientists have long since theorized that the gravity around Kim Kardashian‘s ass is capable of destroying matter if not converting it into dark matter which is kind of redundant. (Smartest, if not slightly racist, penis joke you’ll ever read in your life.) So what that in mind, it really shouldn’t be a surprise that marriages are being instantly vaporized in its wake with Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon‘s divorce bringing its death toll to six.* Seven if you count Gwyneth Paltrow‘s which I do because they’ve met. TMZ reports:
Our sources say … Nick’s appearance on Big Boy’s radio show in March was the beginning of the end. Nick played Big Boy’s game — name the 5 celebs you’ve slept with. Nick named 5, but our sources say the one that made Mariah insane was Kim Kardashian.
We’re told Mariah tore into Nick for weeks … feeling humiliated and the relationship never recovered.
We’re told it went from bad to worse when Nick went on Howard Stern and talked about Mariah not giving it up before they got hitched. She went nuclear.
Here’s where I’m put in a difficult position: By all logic, Kim’s marriage should be rapidly dissolving if not already over by now. However, Kanye West seems to be preventing that by staying clear the fuck away from her, so maybe he really does love her? I mean, he’s doing everything right to keep their marriage together. He’s probably even looking into moon landings. “Bitch’ll never find me up here. — God, I love her so much.” *kanyeweeps*
(*1. Her parents. 2. Her first one that everybody forgets about. 3. That week she married Kris Humphries. 4. Her mom’s again. 5. Khloe’s. 6. Nick Cannon’s.)