Kim Kardashian Destroyed Mariah Carey’s Marriage

August 21st, 2014 // 25 Comments
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Scientists have long since theorized that the gravity around Kim Kardashian‘s ass is capable of destroying matter if not converting it into dark matter which is kind of redundant. (Smartest, if not slightly racist, penis joke you’ll ever read in your life.) So what that in mind, it really shouldn’t be a surprise that marriages are being instantly vaporized in its wake with Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon‘s divorce bringing its death toll to six.* Seven if you count Gwyneth Paltrow‘s which I do because they’ve met. TMZ reports:

Our sources say … Nick’s appearance on Big Boy’s radio show in March was the beginning of the end. Nick played Big Boy’s game — name the 5 celebs you’ve slept with. Nick named 5, but our sources say the one that made Mariah insane was Kim Kardashian.
We’re told Mariah tore into Nick for weeks … feeling humiliated and the relationship never recovered.
We’re told it went from bad to worse when Nick went on Howard Stern and talked about Mariah not giving it up before they got hitched. She went nuclear.

Here’s where I’m put in a difficult position: By all logic, Kim’s marriage should be rapidly dissolving if not already over by now. However, Kanye West seems to be preventing that by staying clear the fuck away from her, so maybe he really does love her? I mean, he’s doing everything right to keep their marriage together. He’s probably even looking into moon landings. “Bitch’ll never find me up here. — God, I love her so much.” *kanyeweeps*

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Photos: Getty

(*1. Her parents. 2. Her first one that everybody forgets about. 3. That week she married Kris Humphries. 4. Her mom’s again. 5. Khloe’s. 6. Nick Cannon’s.)

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  1. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Violet Grey Cassandra Huysentruyt Grey Host Artist In Residence Donald Robertson
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    Visitors at the Chartreuse Red and Ophelia McNonsense Words Strung Together Benefit Awareness Charity Hotel Ice Bucket Residence Gathering thought they were looking at giant lip prints, but in reality, they were just accurately sized prints of Kim’s brown eye.

  2. I wouldn’t be able to forgive my partner for saying they’d fuck Kim Kardashian either. I mean, come the fuck on.

  3. P. Francis

    On the other hand, it totally cleared up the mystery of the “wet dog smell” that Mariah noticed on his penis when they got naked together for the first time.

  4. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Violet Grey Cassandra Huysentruyt Grey Host Artist In Residence Donald Robertson
    Ralph
    Commented on this photo:

    If those dark spots on her breasts are areolas, she boob job is fucked.

  5. Who were the other 4 he banged?

  6. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Violet Grey Cassandra Huysentruyt Grey Host Artist In Residence Donald Robertson
    Commented on this photo:

    It appears that post pregnancy Kim’s areola’s have expanded to dinner plate size, and relocated to the tops of her breasts. I’m not looking forward to the next inevitable “I’m nude because I’m comfortable with my body not because I’ll do anything for money” spread in Lithuanian GQ or whoever is still interested in seeing that hot mess.

  7. Geez… Kanye must feel he’s rubbing his dick on a public urinal when he’s with her… I mean Nick Canon? Was Lil Bow Wow busy that night?

  8. Won’t be long before the headline says “Kim Kardashian destroyed Human Civilization!”

  9. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Violet Grey Cassandra Huysentruyt Grey Host Artist In Residence Donald Robertson
    Ralph
    Commented on this photo:

    Still a worthless whore.

  10. I’m not sure I understand Mariah on this one. She married a semi-famous black guy. She had to have assumed he was with Kim at some point.

  11. Basically Nicki Minaj without the shitty rapping.

    • cybrrble

      And twice the ass? Difference is I’d tit-fuck Kim K. Niki always looks mad, I’d be afraid she’s take a bite

  12. Jenn P

    Now Kanye, I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger…. nevermind, that’s exactly what she is. I guess knowing her last marriage only lasted 3-4? months wasn’t anything to be aware about.

  13. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Violet Grey Cassandra Huysentruyt Grey Host Artist In Residence Donald Robertson
    Commented on this photo:

    …What am I even looking at? Is that her areola?

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