Kim Kardashian‘s pregnancy was getting boring and needed more dramatic story lines, so why not fake a near-miscarriage because that’s not a real and very emotional experience for thousands of women everywhere? “In fact, maybe this will help people not make such a big deal out of baby they hoped and dream for dying inside of them,” Kris Jenner said to a magic mirror. Page Six reports:
“Kim started feeling ill on the plane from Paris, and called friends as soon as she landed,” an insider said. “She was rushed to her doctor Tuesday night in tears. She thought she was having a miscarriage.”
Luckily she and the baby were fine, and Kardashian was sent home at 12:30 a.m. after she was examined and given the all-clear. But doctors told her she’s working and exercising too hard, and gave her a stern warning to rest.
“Kim’s not respecting her pregnancy,” says a source. “She’s running around, working out seven days a week. She’s working with two different trainers to control her weight, including Tracy Anderson and a pregnancy trainer.”
And for those of you wondering, with good reason, why the hell I’m even posting this, this. It’s this part:
The source added that Kardashian — who’s been photographed obsessively working out while expecting — has been desperately trying to tame her figure amid public criticism that she’s ballooning.
“She’s scared that her ass is as big as a couch and is going south,” the source said. “But she is having a very rough pregnancy, and doctors have ordered her to slow down.”
Just so we’re all clear: Kim Kardashian almost killed her unborn baby because she only just these past few months realized her ass is gigantic. That’s how fucking vain she is. So when her daughter’s born with a flipper from diet pills and kale cleanses, at least Kim can go, “Yes, but look at me in these jeans!” before shooing her back into the crawlspace. Which I probably shouldn’t have said out loud because now January Jones just had “the most wonderful idea!”