Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries Never Consummated Their Marriage

February 15th, 2012 // 71 Comments
A Modern-Day Esther
Kim Kardashian Bikini
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Kris Humphries is apparently in the middle of proving Kim Kardashian committed fraud and wants to make sure their divorce proceedings are public so people can find out their split was so calculated she stopped having sex with him the minute the cameras stopped rolling at their wedding. Via Hollywood Life:

“Kim’s freaking out,” a source tells Life & Style. “All of her dirty laundry will be aired and there is a lot to air. Kim is a calculating person who does things to benefit her wallet. That’s her top priority! Everything will come out in court — even their sex life.”
Another source adds that Kim and Kris stopped having sex after they were married on Aug. 22 in the lavish Montecito, Calif., ceremony: ”Almost immediately after the wedding, they stopped having sex.”

What’s probably not helping Kim’s case is the fact that her mom Kris Jenner has already demonstrated an endless capacity to exploit anything – including her desert snatchgina – for a quick buck. A fact that Kim herself just openly copped to in her latest interview with Allure:

“People [think] because you film your life on a reality show, you live everything for the cameras. But we all have limits,” says Kardashian. “My mom has no limits. We need someone, right, to have no limits? That’s my mom.”

Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries’ Honeymoon Suite

KRIS H: *carries Kim in* Finally. Some alone time.
KIM: About that…
KRIS J: *spins around in chair* I’m afraid there won’t be time for intercourse tonight, Mr. Humphries.
KRIS H: What’s she doing here?
KRIS J: Plane leaves for Dubai in two minutes, Kim.
KIM: Yes, my master.
KRIS H: Wait. What do you expect me to do? It’s our wedding night!
KRIS J: Would you like me to send in the Wookiee?
KRIS H: I’ll be good.

Photos: Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. cc

    He didn’t piss on her head? That’s what she means by ‘consummating a relationship’.

  2. the snowman

    be sure you’re in calabasa next month.
    (we will marry in vegas)

  3. west

    Before OJ killed Nicole and Ron nobody ever heard of the Kardashians. Then skunkhead read the “suicide” note and they became a household word. Shame on Ryan Seacrest and the stupid cunts who support these prosties.

  4. “I have altered the deal. Pray I don’t alter it again.”

  5. anon

    What’s up with all the grammar mess-ups today??

    “…their split was so calculated she stopped having sex with them the minute the cameras stopped rolling…”

    “I’m afraid their won’t be time for intercourse tonight, Mr. Humphries.”

    And from the Chris Brown article: “And while you’re initial reaction might be…”

    • YoMamma

      Have sex much? Is that also incorrect?

      • anon

        Well, since Fish usually likes to point out people why don’t know their your’s from their you’re’s, I figured it was relevant. I’m sorry; I didn’t know that celibacy was required in order to have a working brain.

      • mickey B

        ‘point out people why don’t know’

        celibacy isn’t required for a working brain, but it probably helps. perfect grammar isn’t either, but it helps too.

      • I forget which law of the Internet it is wherein anyone correcting someone else’s grammar must also make a grammatical mistake him/herself in the process.

      • Pudlian

        yeah, only a typo isn’t the same as a grammar mistake.

  6. Kim Kardashian Yoga Pants Single Rose Gym
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    Awww, she bought herself a rose…How sweet!

  7. So basically, Kim dated him and slept with him just to get him to the altar for her $18 million payday, and once she got her money, she cut him off. What’s the word for that? I know it, I just can’t quite come up with it…

  8. Jack Ketch

    Er, yeah, how can you “almost immediately after the wedding, they stopped having sex” while never having “consumated the marriage” ?? O.o That aside, this shouldn’t surprise anyone, right ? Team Humphries all the way !!

  9. YoMamma

    I can only hope he admits her Valtrex Rx into evidence. Please, pretty please…

  10. Cock Dr

    I love it when grifters get busted.
    May the money, appearances, swag bags and all the other fame goodies dry up and blow away ASAP.
    Do not watch their shows.
    Do not buy their shit.

  11. The entire wedding was staged. Everyone knew except the public. And if People Magazine and the other idiots who paid her money wasn’t in on it they would have sued her for fraud.

    • col. thumb

      I think ‘the public’ has a pretty good handle on it. And People was surely in on it.
      Only so many suckers buy that vapid rag. Not indicative of the public as a whole.

  12. Clarence Beeks

    I don’t think they ever slept together. In pictures she was always 15 feet away from him, and kissing him with the tightest closed mouth. IT WAS ALL FOR SHOW.

  13. Cameron

    I hope she pays her makeup person very well. They make her look like a different person.

  14. jill

    He refused to pee on her; so she cut him off. End of story.

  15. She’s got an ass like a bag of wet clothes. She airs her own dirty laundry wherever she goes.

  16. The back of this shirt is a dollar sign inside a vagina.

  17. Asper

    He better not be lying, because if they did have sex, I’m sure she taped it for a possible future financial crisis. In court that mught kill him.

  18. Kim Kardashian Yoga Pants Single Rose Gym
    Commented on this photo:

    Pilates in Brentwood = $150
    Post-Workout Mineral Water = $10
    Rose for Charity = $5
    Realizing that no amount of working out will ever fix the cellulite problem in the ass in front of you = Priceless
    There are some things in life that money can’t buy, for everything else, there’s Kardashians.

  19. dontkillthemessenger

    A woman not having sex after getting married proves what, other than the fact she got MARRIED?

    • Messengerkiller

      Take my wife, please.

      when Kim Kardashian sits around the house, she really sits around the house.

      I just flew in from St. Louis, and boy are my arms tired

    • Anon

      @dontkillthemessenger

      x1000 If you are complaining about how often you are having sex as a single person. Get married and have even less sex. Add kids to the equation and your peen becomes a read only .doc.

      And people wonder why Tiger like to bang random waitress. :rolleyes:

      • Sliver

        I disagree, I have been married 11 years and we have sex at least two times a week. Normally that would be too personal for me to share, but I felt I had to contradict your non-factual statement.

      • BE

        OR your wife has figured out that you’re a self entitled cheat and liar and has made the conscious or subconscious decision NOT to share the Herpes you will inevitably contract from one of your “waitresses”

      • Sliver

        What the hell are you talking about, BE? I am a woman, you fucking moron.

      • CranAppleSnapple

        I think BE was talking to the people complaining about not getting any.

      • BE

        Thank you Cranapplesnapple

  20. Die already...

    I hope the piss princess continues to “freak out”. Personally, I hate her in the extreme; I hope this causes her pain, suffering & humiliation. They’re nothing but a family of mud skanks & attention whores; their time is up…

  21. Die already...

    By the way, non-consumation of marriage has traditionally been grounds for an annulment in itself…

  22. Bonky

    “My mom has no morals. We need someone, right, to have no morals? That’s my mom.”

    Fixed it.

  23. Randal(l)

    Normally I’m not the type of person who would wish a slow painful aids related death on anybody….

    …Normally.

  24. Do_Freebird

    The person who loves Kim Kardashian the most in the world bought her that rose. That person’s name is Kim Kardashian.

  25. BigDaddy

    Damm, she is scary! “The Adams Family” snap, snap.

  26. Blech

    Happy VD, Kim-Kim!

  27. Since Fish is behaving more like x17, I feel the need to post 'The Rant'...

    KIM K, SUPERSTAR

    I am 31 years old, but act like a vain and self-obsessed 13-year old. My dream was always to become a princess. Instead I became an anal porn star, but I still think I am a princess. My body is full of plastic surgery. My boobs, azz, lips, teeth, cheeks, nose, hair, facelift etc., were are all bought from a plastic surgeon. I use to idolized Paris Hilton and I would hang on her like a koala bear all the time just to get my picture taken by the paparazzi. I was very jealous of Paris, so I put out a SEX TAPE just because she did. Until 2007 I use to do cocaine with her. I know there are pictures as proof, but I will deny it forever.

    My pimp mother, Kris Jenner (who in some ways is a bigger whore than me), fcuked the pool boy while my father, Robert Kardashian, was at work. Dad was an ambulance chaser, and helped keep OJ Simpson out of jail after he killed Ron Goldman and his ex-wife Nicole by hiding much of the blood evidence from the police. Anyway, the result was my pathetic half gorilla sister Khloe, who is a whore just like me. Whenever my mouth is moving I am lying, as I am INCAPABLE of telling the truth about anything. I pretend that if I lie about things people will eventually believe it. The way I walk, talk, and laugh is fake; and if you look into my eyes you can even see that my soul is fake. I have no personality at all!

    Although I pretended to be upset by the sex tape, I was the one that sent it to Steve Hirsch at Vivid Entertainment. They paid me $5 million to expose my nasty self. RayJ had nothing to do with the leaked sex tape. I tricked him into making a porno with me for distribution. My former publicist, Jonathan Jaxson, knows exactly what happened. I screwed him over and refused to pay him after our contract was up. Money and fame is all I live for. I am just waiting for him (and many, many more) to come out and reveal how I really am. I exploit my FAKE body all of the time because I lack elegance, class, dignity, self-respect, intelligence, and morals. I really am a very dirty woman, both inside and out.

    My ex husband Damon Thomas, whom I married at the age of 19 in Las Vegas, publicly called me: untalented, a trashy whore, desperate, a plastic surgery addict, a backstabber, and a cheater. I have no real friends because I have misused and stepped on everybody that has come my way for fame. If you see me in public it’s either because someone is paying me to be there, or I know the paps will be there to take my picture. I am currently using social medias to snake my way in to other celebrity’s lives for friendship and publicity. I show up like a diva to all kind of award shows that I have NO business at all attending. The only award show I should attend is the AVN. I call the paparazzi myself. I learned that trick from Paris Hilton, but unlike Paris I’m too cheap to buy them lunch like she does.

    I have NO talent what so ever. I was thrown off Dancing with the Stars on the second week. I made a work out video that clearly shows I’m in very bad shape. I did a test shoot for Playboy, but after seeing the proofs they refuse to acknowledge me. I got a Razzie for my sad performance in the parody Disaster Movie. I should have gotten one for my sextape as well. My song JAM, I have no words for. It is the most annoying and pitiful song in history. I sing like a tone deaf four year old with a nasal monotone voice; very unfortunate. Recently I made a video to go with the song. In it I shove my HUGE azz into the camera like a baboon in heat waiting to get mounted.

    Anybody who don’t like me for the rotten and lying whore that I am I call haters or jealous. We, the Kardashian’s, call each other dolls. And I alone have tainted the Pussycat Dolls by heisting their concept. I pretend that I care about others, but I could not care less. If I’m at a charity event you can bet I’m either getting paid to be there, or I’m there because I called the paps and want to get my picture taken. If you read the fine print you’ll see I keep 90% of the proceeds from my charity auction. The only person I really care about is myself. I tried to fcuk over children by selling them an insane debit Master Card with predatory fees. Unfortunately it was taken off the market after one week under the threat of legal action in several States. Thankfully I found a new way to rip off the kids, with glam silly bandz. Over weight children should skip normal diet & exercise and do shady diet pills or lipo-suction like me.

    I Stole $120k from Ray J and Brandy’s mother, Sonja Norwood, credit card. After being busted I paid her back with the money I got from the sex tape I made with her son. That’s the circle life, Mrs. Norwood. The clothes at Dash are pure knock offs from top brands and designers. Neither my sisters nor I know how to sew on a button or sketch anything. But we call ourselves fashion designers. Much of the current clothing line is being made by underage Chinese children. I pay them a dollar a day to work an 18-hour shift in one of my sweatshops. The logo on my perfumes is a complete rip of from Korcula creator Lindley Bertin.

    For World AIDS Day I went off social medias until my fans had raised $1M. I was confident that within 12 hours I would be back. Seven days later I had to be bailed out by a billionaire who wanted to spare me any further shame. This is how much my «fans» value and missed me.

    I have never been single because I am too scared to spend time with myself. I am looking very much forward to the day my grand children sit on my lap and ask me if I am an anal porn star because that’s what everybody in kindergarten will say. I also love to flaunt my gigantic fake hippo azz. It’s my calling card for any rich Black man that wants to ram my azz hard and move on! Evan Ross, Marquis Houston, Scott Storch, Fabolous, The Game, Nick Cannon, Nick Lachey, Tyson Beckford, William ‘Ray J’ Norwood, Reggie Bush, Christiano, Chengo (The Bodyguard is one of my favorite movies ever) Miles Austin, Bow Wow, Gabriel Aubry (only because everybody said I was only into black guys) Kanye West, and my husband of 72 days Kris Humpries; are just a FEW of the men that have ALL fcuked me, pissed in my mouth, AND dumped me. They know that I am trash, and that I will bring their reputations down into the gutter with mine. I will fcuk anyone for publicity. I have had many STDs, but the only one I have now is herpes (got that from Paris too). I am pathetic, plastic, and terribly insecure.

    I am a national and international joke, and gave out my own ANAL/PISS SEX TAPE to get famous. I am a human toilet. I am clearly a very sick human being and I’m 100% shameless. I am the filthiest famewhore in the whole wide world!

    I am Kim Kardashian…
    Superstar

    • Randal(l)

      *single tear rolls down my cheek*

      bravo.

    • g spot finder

      + 1,000,000,000

      Who gives a fuck about this waste of oxygen

    • Jay

      A few seconds of silence, then the applause begins until it is a deafening, thundering roar………………..this my fellow superficial friends, is truly a work of art.

      • Bill Clinton

        *ROFLMAO*
        no matter how many times someone posts [and re-posts] the superstar rant I cant help but laugh.

        …and they’re right, fish has been acting more like those illegal Brazilians over at X17 lately. You should be ashamed of yourself fish, you’re better then them [or at least you were].

    • Sliver

      Whenever someone refers to the papparrazi as “paps” I immediately think of a pap smear…anyone else?

    • BE

      +1,000,000

      But forgot ONE line. I decided to talk about starting a Bible class because having done every skanky, degrading and shameless thing I can think of for a buck. I am running out of ideas because I am just not as smart as I am opportunistic. It’s the best I could come up with and people YAWNED.

      My fifteen minutes of fame will be up soon…

    • BE

      Hey fish fans – go viral – copy and paste it everywhere you can for 24 hours – I’ve already seen this on other sites.

  28. Bee Bee

    As long as you keep writing pointless rants about this dirty famewhore, she’ll always be shoved into our faces. The only thing she is good at is endless publicity. Stop giving her any attention whatsoever and she will shrivel up and die.

    • BE

      Nah…

      Just like Hilton, her 13 year old fan base will grow up, get exposed to reality and thunk themselves on the forehead and say “What WAS I thinking?

      And she won’t ever be able to get arrested.

      Talent gets remembered – trash gets thrown out

  29. Can anyone confirm that kim is in Trinidad for Carnival???

  30. Kris H.’s mistake was going to the washroom for a whiz before going to bed. No ‘foreplay’, no nookie.

  31. Kim Kardashian Yoga Pants Single Rose Gym
    BAHAH
    Commented on this photo:

    RUN! IT’S THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN!

  32. Die already...

    Can’t someone just whack the fatassed, fake tittied piss princess already? Her continuing to breath air is like nails on a chalkboard…

  33. Kim Kardashian Yoga Pants Single Rose Gym
    spartacus
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m always surprised how dark and beady her eyes are sans makeup.

  34. Kim Kardashian Yoga Pants Single Rose Gym
    spartacus
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s channelling Cher…

  35. Kim Kardashian Yoga Pants Single Rose Gym
    spartacus
    Commented on this photo:

    “If I could turn back time….”

  36. Kim Kardashian Yoga Pants Single Rose Gym
    spartacus
    Commented on this photo:

    “….before its earned our moneys all been spent”

  37. Colostomy Bag

    Seriously, why would Kim cop crap for withdrawing sex from her hubby after they got married? This is the most NON-FAKE thing Kim has ever done. OK, she did it sooner than most women do, but that’s not the important thing. The fact is, it happens like clockwork, only her clock ran a little faster than most. Heap shit on her for all the other things she does that are truly derisory, but to single her out for what is a routine occurrence across the board?

  38. Kimarie

    “We all have limits” says the girl who is only famous for getting peed on in a sex tape.

  39. Kim Kardashian Yoga Pants Single Rose Gym
    Governor Scott Walker
    Commented on this photo:

    Does it look like she’s wearing an Auntie Annes pretzel on her breasts? Yes, it does.

  40. Kim Kardashian Yoga Pants Single Rose Gym
    spartacus
    Commented on this photo:

    MooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOooooOOOO

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