Kris Humphries Won’t Be Asked If It’s In Yet Tonight

August 31st, 2011 // 77 Comments

In related news, Vivid Entertainment has made contact with the “mystery buyer” of Kim Kardashian’s sex tape and set the price at $30 million along with basically admitting this is all just a giant PR stunt for Kim by making the following ham-fisted statement to TMZ:

“I have no idea who is behind this offer … but If it’s Kim, I have a tremendous amount of respect for her. She has my number and can call me any time.”

“I have no idea who this could be – Wink wink. – But through some sort of freak divine intervention, should it be Kim, my heart swells with pride over her attempt to sweep the very thing that made her famous under the rug after it’s served its purpose. Granted, she clearly has no idea how the Internet works, it’s cute to see her try and also pay me millions of fucking dollars based on that stupidity. So, again, just a brave soul.”

Photo: Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. That should at least give Kim a little tickle.

  2. Hugh Gentry

    she can use both hands on it again

  3. She never complained to me.

  4. jumpin_j

    By the way, anyone notice in the photo that Mr. Humphries ISN’T WEARING A WEDDING RING? A-HA, J’ACUSSE!!!

    • Porter

      I just looked at these pics and that’s the first thing I saw. (Well, since the typical KK asslens wasn’t being used.) Imma tell my wife that if Kris dun goofed right after the wedding, no f’in Way I should draw heat when I do the same at the local High School, I mean strip club, I mean…

    • Weirdo

      Doesn’t wear a wedding ring and dresses like a ten year old. What the fuck did she see in this clown?

  5. Christina

    It would still be on the internet wouldn’t it?!
    Kim, anyone who wanted to know you had a sex tape would always be able to find this information and more than likely see it as well.
    Face it you are a celebrity porn star. Probably better to try and come to terms with this than face a losing battle trying getting it deleted.

    • Drew

      Yes, which is what I assumed Fish’s point was when he said “Clearly she has no idea how the internet works”.

      She can pay 30 million for the tape, everyone else will just Google it.

  6. karen

    That would almost reach her butthole.

  7. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    It can go all the way in and not touch anal wall.

  8. XYXYX??

    I don’t get it, how’s he going to pee through that?

  9. She uses it as a wedge so she can shit properly. Saves on toilet paper.

  10. Ed

    So now people will only be able to get it free from torrents . . . smooth move.

  11. Dan's friend

    He looks like a dirty 5th grader. Dan, he looks like the kid who used to lie on the ground and mop the floors with his shirt.

  12. Frank Burns

    Pornographer respect is the best kind of respect to have! Right?!?

  13. Tristyn

    So now she wants to buy back her dignity !!! Kris H should just accept it .and comes to terms w/ the truth..he will never turn a whore into a housewife !!!!

  14. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    ktulu
    Commented on this photo:

    Unless he sticks it in her mamoth ass

  15. peanut eminem

    That thing was white before he got to scouring her polluted dumper – and he is proud of the results? Anything for some pub I s’pose…

  16. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Grinder
    Commented on this photo:

    She is still looking for a black dick that large … and when she finds it … GOODBYE KRIS!

  17. Alyssa

    Where’s his wedding ring?

    • Christine

      After one night with her, he probably flushed in down the toilet.

      • Eugenio

        Personally, I think that it is still best if the man buys the engagement ring for the woman he loves. It does not seecsnarily have to be expensive. It is still the meaning and the thought that count.

  18. forrest gump

    pfffffffffff: AMERICANS & HUMOR……………….no couple.

    • Tubbles

      You have the lamest hater skillz I’ve ever seen at a blog. A mild summer breeze is more provocative. You must really enjoy failing.

      • Talk about lame, you gotta love it when someone chooses the most classic retard name out there and then uses it to take lameness to an unimagined degree. I swear to God that this guy uses googletranslate anyway, but in whatever shitheel country he lives in he’s STILL a failure – he’s being punked because someone convinced him “forrest gump” is American slang for a witty badass who gets lots of pussy.

  19. Clarence Beeks

    she is such an idiot to waste money when it will never disappear.

    • Facebook Me

      Let her! Then let her try and sue when it keeps up ending on the Internet. A fool and his money will soon part!

  20. Facebook Me

    OH GOOD! Maybe fat ass will do the humanitarian deed in saving the REAL porn world, by re-opening AIM for the adult film industry. SO REAL stars can be tested from AIDS and STDs.

    Nah, she’ll just spend it on herself.

  21. Help

    So that’s what she likes about him!

  22. LJ

    If she’s going to spend $30 million to get the rights to the video back, I’m sure that she will spend another $10 million in attorney fees suing every US based porn site that has a snipit of it posted for copyright infringement.

    Only foreign based Porn sites will be able to keep the the truth alive.

  23. XYXYX??

    I wonder if the black penis jokes ever makes Kim butthurt?

  24. Dank

    Kim made him wear that on their wedding night. No white penis for this vagina. No, sir

  25. Venom

    This whole thing is bullshit. Vivid is just trying to drum up sales of the tape.
    This is the lamest marketing stunt I have ever seen in my life.

  26. Christine

    He appears to be very immature and stupid just like all the others in the NBA.

  27. Blas

    “No honey, what I meant was, it IS black”.

  28. Casey

    I love how she’s slouching so she can keep her face in the shot.

  29. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    philio
    Commented on this photo:

    The headline reads: “Kris Humphries won’t be asked if it’s in yet tonight”

    I beg to differ, have you seen the size of that ass lately??

  30. Richard McBeef

    Lets all dig through the couch cushions and gather up that change so we can outbid her. The world demands to see urine sprayed on that bitch.

  31. Ben

    If only as part of the settlement the seller could include language for Kim and the rest of her attention whoring family to vanish forever…..

  32. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    A big man requires his big wife to use a BIG strap-on.

  33. Milf

    Khloe must be on the rag again.

  34. Lola

    LOL, her hubby always looks like he’s a little “special.” This guy has to be as dumb as a box of rocks.

  35. tlmck

    He’s thinking: “How do I strap this on again?”

    She’s thinking: “I’m gonna have soooo much fun later tonight.”

  36. You know how when you have really big trash, like old furniture and you have to take it to the dump yourself? Must be nice finally having someone she cares about to help take her mega-ass’s mega-turds directly to the sewage plant for her.

  37. Burt

    That guy looks incredibly immature.

  38. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    The Twilight Saga New
    Commented on this photo:

    My brother suggested I might like this web site. He used to be entirely right. This submit actually made my day. You cann’t imagine just how so much time I had spent for this info! Thank you!

  39. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    KC
    Commented on this photo:

    Finally pictured: big black microphone!

  40. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    The scary thing is even at that size, Kim can still take it all in.

  41. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Grand Dragon
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s impossible to not make the obvious joked here.

  42. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim asked Kris to return the toy for one that urinates.

  43. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    pdan
    Commented on this photo:

    “Nah, this is just the prototype. The production version will squirt up to 3 gallons of hot piss. Boom.”

  44. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Bond Seven
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim Good dress code with sex apple & buttock & tight ass

  45. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Bond Seven
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim Starring at what leaving your Kris ! Found some thing more interesting ?

  46. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    sosickofkk
    Commented on this photo:

    phew, thank god. i thought i would have to suck a white dick

  47. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Mert
    Commented on this photo:

    This poor schlub! Mr. Humphries could be the biggset jerk on the planet and I would STILL feel sorry for him for marrying into the Kardashian cult. I do, however, wonder how a guy would be shocked to learn that sweet, innocent Kim who may be the first woman on the planet to PROMOTE her own embarrassing sex tape has been married before. Normally I would mock someone who has acted so foolishly, but I suspect that once in the clutches of the Kardashoraptors there was non escape.

  48. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    NE1
    Commented on this photo:

    Ah those Krafty Kardashians. This is what happens when you go up against them, you get herpes all over your public image lol.

  49. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    Haha thats because Kim is the one who gave it to him…god knows shes picked something up from banging half of the country

  50. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Are cows vunerable to human STDs?
    MOOOOOO

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