While the world’s still debating the legality of 1/25ths of Miley Cyrus’ labia, Kim Kardsahian has apparently been going for ice cream with 16-year-old Justin Bieber despite the fact she turns 30 in October. And let’s hope to God she’s at least jerking him off. No, really, the last thing we need is a kid with enough money to buy uranium getting blue balls from a famewhore Armenian. They’re probably holding security briefings at the Pentagon about this as we speak.
OBAMA: Just give it to me straight, gentlemen.
GENERAL: Mr. President, we believe Ms. Kardashian is using the subject for strictly promotional purposes.
OBAMA: And how’s he reacted?
GENERAL: Last Thursday he dry-humped a pillow after she called then asked his mom how much the Dallas Cowboys cost so he can bench Miles Austin all season.