Kim Kardashian is Engaged

May 25th, 2011 // 95 Comments

“Ohmygod the publicity! I mean, yes, yes! I do!”

Because he has the same exact name as her mom right down to the spelling, of course, Kim Kardashian said yes to Kris Humphries when he proposed exactly a week ago today, just in time to make it into the latest People. He thought of everything!

Her boyfriend of six months, New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries, was waiting in her bedroom on bended knee with four words written in red rose petals: “WILL YOU MARRY ME?”
“I didn’t expect this at all,” Kardashian, 30, tells PEOPLE in an exclusive interview (out Friday) of the romantic, surprise proposal. “I was in such shock. I never thought it would happen at home, and I never thought now.”
Humphries popped the question with a custom-designed, 20.5-carat Lorraine Schwartz diamond sparkler. “I just knew I wanted it to be big,” says Humphries, 26, who, with the help of Kardashian’s mom Kris Jenner, planned an intimate family celebration later that evening.

And by intimate family celebration he meant a miniature horse cavalcade – No, really. – because providing a buffet for Khloe at these things is always key. One time they only had fondue, and six people lost their arms. It looked like someone kept bumping into guests with a running lawnmower. BZZZZZZZZZ! “Dammit, Bruce, she ate another one! When will those ribs get here?! Seriously, Kourtney, fondue? Fondue? You brought this on this house!”

Photo: Splash News

superficial

  1. Michelle

    Bet this will be forever and ever….lmfao

  2. That Bastard Tony

    First… and please someone make the tornados stop.

  3. That Bastard Tony

    Dammit Michelle. Quit hitting the Return key before me.

  4. cc

    And when she said ‘yes’ he was so overjoyed he peed on her head.

  5. RICHI

    ugh vapid whore actually got someone to propose to her, huh? im sure he cant wait to start paying for her surgeries.

    • Josh

      He’s clearly addicted to girls with fat asses, and she’s the current queen of those people. I dont see how he’s marrying her for her personality. Soon enough he’ll find another girl who’s not jetting off all around the country and stick it in her instead. Gotta admit, id marry her too for that booty, then bail in 6 months.

  6. Kim Kardashian Engaged
    Shikyo
    Commented on this photo:

    FIRST~!

  7. Venom

    Nothing like sitting at the dinner table knowing your mom, your dad, your brother and all your friends have seen your wife getting banged on the Internet…by Ray J no less.

    Good times….

  8. I wonder if she gave him the Hilary Duff special.

  9. ChinaSuperficial

    Marriage will not last 24 months. I am happy to bet money on this.
    On a serious note: You made a romantic proposal to a woman who let another guy videotape him peeing on her? Doesn’t Mr Humphries have a father to tell him that this is a mistake? Friends? Colleagues?

  10. KC

    After he changes his name, won’t it be confusing to have two Kris Kardashians in the family?

  11. KANYE WEST

    WHY YALL THINK THIS A BAD THING I LOOKIN FORWARD TO SOME MORE SEX TAPE U KNOW WHAT IM SAYIN !!!!!!!

  12. j-sin

    You can’t turn a hoe to a house wife but as far as hoes go, Kris could do worse. Nets will the NBA championship next year!

    • You must be high. The Nets are a team that plays second fidle to the knicks and should just try being a 500 team first. Then try making the playoffs before winning the championship.

  13. RoboZombie

    Why is it only NBA guys are after these chicks?

  14. DOucHe BaGELs

    When she gets pregnant, her profile will look like Stewie Griffin’s head.

  15. mel

    good god! once this cunt is married and starts leaving the door open as she “logs out”, this poor dude is going to get a literal representation of led zeppelin’s “when the levee breaks”. i guarantee her turds are as massive as they are putrid.

  16. Richard McBeef

    He tried to write, “will you marry me” in piss across her ass but was too dehydrated to cover a hectare.

  17. Phukaduck

    The guy who gets hired to Photoshop the wedding photos is getting a new Bentley.

  18. Marie

    Why marry the cow that everybody (and their neighbours) have been pissing on for free???

  19. Kelley

    Whose marriage will last longer ? Kim’s or Jessica’s … and which one will even make it to the alter ? Ha !!

  20. S'up Bitches

    Somebody needs to tell this dude you fuck porn stars…you don’t marry them. I do have the perfect wedding gift though…a urinal with Kim’s face on it!

  21. MrsPlant

    Okay, I’ve seen the sex tape. He at NO POINT pees on her. It’s not like I’m trying to defend her or something, but seriously, it’s pretty tired.

    • Richard McBeef

      White folk are the main consumers of DVD pornography and they aren’t into pissing scenes. It was cut from the tape.

    • The scuttlebutt (hee hee!) is that the golden shower action was cut from the official Vivid release so that it would get the OK from whoever’s job it is to say whether porn is too porny or just right.

      On an unrelated note, does anyone know who’s job that is and if they’re hiring?

    • Josh

      Yeah the CEO of vivid David Hirsch (or something. Dont ask how i know that.) Said there was no such scene. Then again, before the release rumors were everywhere about it. Pretty sure for them to sell the tape they have to have permission from both parties, so likely kim said they could sell the tape if they took that bit out, and told the guy to deny it existed. Otherwise i dont see why pre-release they would have been talking about it so much if there was no such scene.

    • MrsPlant

      So, basically, nobody’s seen it, and it is all just 100% hearsay. Can’t we just stick to calling her a vapid whore? It’s not like we need to make something up to insult her about…

      • Richard McBeef

        If I don’t need to see birth certificate to believe that Obama was born in Hawaii, and I sure as shit don’t need to see bitch get pissed on to believe she swims in the shit.

      • I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… I’ll not let facts and reality spoil my fun.

  22. Turd Ferguson

    He will regret it. Bet he already does. Poor guy is intoxicated by the attention.

    • Big Balls

      Yep, no rest for the wicked, marrying a deuche-bag sleezy whore dog. Now, more Oreo cookies to come. Her, being the slut mother, the kids will have 1,000 plastic surgeries the day they are born. Unfamiliar with the sorriful, unlucky fucker who popped the question, he’s lost all respect and maybe lost all his friends. Only thing he might suggest before the wedding is go tthe butcher and cut off the 200lbs of lard on her HIPPO ASS! God, I thought I was desperate, this dude even takes freaks of nature…

  23. Hope this means the lowly Nets can win a championship like Bush and Scrodom did after hookin it with Whoretrashians..

  24. BenDoverman

    This Real Doll™ has an excellent moneyshot face.

  25. God is Black

    Jesus Fucken Crist “Special K” You have serious loathing for little Kim, see photos @ http://www.loopycomments.com/2011/05/04/kim-kardashian-kisses-kris-humphries-in-mexico/. I’m sure your meds will kick in once you take them.P.S. I didn’t read one word of your psycho thesis. Are you friends with the Unabomber?

  26. Where is that one bitch who always comes on here and writes that long as thesis post about Kim K. Did that bitch get committed

  27. LJ

    Just for a little perspective. In 2008 Jay-Z bought Beyonce an 18 Carat diamond from Lorraine Schwartz for $5 million this one is 20.5 Carat.

    Betcha she keeps the ring when she breaks off the engagement next year.

  28. mrsmass

    engaged for three seconds and already put a photo on the cover of people. shocking!

  29. Anon

    Don’t understand how all this was unexpected. Wasn’t this big ass bitch talking about marriage “what-ifs” a few weeks back.

  30. the captain

    I know…………LIFE ISN’T FAIR!!

  31. Ranier Wolfcastle

    The’re both kinda Lite -Brites

  32. Did he have to buy a separate ring for her ass? I’ve always wondered how Siamese twins get married.

  33. hmmm..

    Kris Humphries is a gold digger

  34. rancid

    You marry this broad, urine a lot of trouble.

  35. Last week you say…. Looks like Kris is another victim of the May 21st 2011 apocolypse…. Harold Camping owes him an apology.

  36. Ranier Wolfcastle

    Why would you marry a girl half of Hollywood and half of the NBA and half of of the NFL has had ?
    I would think the trail would be pretty well worn by now

  37. horny pig

    Just what his mother always wanted, a fucking whore for a daughter in law

  38. Hobo Killer

    I don’t think he’s going to be able to fill the gap if you know what I mean….(*whispers* She’s fucked a lot of black guys).

  39. Nicole

    Let’s see if the wedding actually happens, before we bet on how long it will last!

  40. anonymoose

    The engagement will last longer than the wedding.

  41. Kim Kardashian Engaged
    theboner
    Commented on this photo:

    i want to bury my face in there

  42. cc

    Well, there you go folks…we’ll all get to see a Wookie in a bridesmaid dress. A tacky, ill-fitting one at that.

  43. Jim

    Keep in mind that Kim & RayJ’s video was released while Bush was still in office, and at that time the Justice Dept. was rather heavy handed when it came to adult entertainment. Things like beastality, golden showers, scat, and kiddie porn are legally considered obscene; and have no First Amendment protection. Paul Little [aka Max Hardcore] is currently serving time in Ferderal Prison because he had several videos on his server for the European market that contained golden shower scenes. Therefor it should be of no surprise that Vivid’s David Hirsch would deny that he has the pee footage. Declaring that he is in position of such footage would only serve to get him locked up, and generally cause him nothing but grief.

  44. When I first read the title, I thought it said “Kim Kardashian is Enraged”, but then I realized it was just me.

  45. anonymoose

    It’s about time someone took this wench off our hands.

  46. Kim Kardashian Engaged
    mangezmangez
    Commented on this photo:

    he just knew he wanted it big alright

  47. Lesserloo

    I hope y’all remember she was married when she was younger (look it up-so it’s not like this would be her first marriage). Also…the bigger the ring the shorter the marriage/engagement…right?

  48. Jam

    Is she saying something? Why the FUCK is her mouth always open like that in every goddang photo?!

  49. somethingoriginal

    Good for her. She’s probably still dealing with the shock of realising that Pippa Middleton’s ass gets coverage because it’s small and perfect, not because it’s the only thing visible in a wide angle lens.

  50. Anonymous

    Worst mistake he will ever make in his entire life.

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