Kim Kardashian Really Wants You To Forget She’s A House, A Huge, Giant House

February 14th, 2013 // 72 Comments

Pregnancy is absolutely destroying Kim Kardashian even more than pretending to workout at the gym but really just reading a Cosmo already was, but you wouldn’t know it from her Instagram where over the past week she’s taken to sharing non-pregnant, conveniently angled pics of herself. So for educational purposes, we’ve posted each of those pics followed by what Kim looked like just last night which happened to be exactly what Natalie Portman‘s character in Black Swan saw every time she looked in a mirror. Haha! Body dysmorphia. So rife for comedy and not at all serious. (If I say things out loud, they become true. Don’t you ruin this for me.)

Photos: Getty, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. FattyFatty2X4

    But wait…….
    She is a huge, giant house.
    Put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig.

  2. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    FattyFatty2X4
    Commented on this photo:

    Cornrow’s on Whitey–
    God Bless America!

  3. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    Mimi
    Commented on this photo:

    She is such a pig

  4. Jay

    14:48, 14:49, 14:50, 14:51, almost her 15:00 minutes, I ‘m excited, anyone else?

  5. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim clearly asked which was her best look…and the answer was “blurry”.

  6. Use it while you got it folks and have fun. Urine is relatively safe and sterile.

  7. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    elephantman
    Commented on this photo:

    Actually that gives pigs across the world a bad rep!

  8. logan

    Mrs. Humphries you ain’t foolin anyone. Especially your …….husband. Oh yes I did.

  9. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    elephantman
    Commented on this photo:

    She knows about fashion?

  10. zeus

    She’s like a case of herpes. She wont go away. I’m bored. Bitch better start eating dog shit or something. Please! Somebody kill this skank and her entire greedy soulless family!

  11. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    Courtkney
    Commented on this photo:

    Is this her wax figure? wtf

  12. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    oh i know
    Commented on this photo:

    YIKES, i can SMELL that outfit from here!!! :0

  13. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Cow with feathers……please someone get Richard Dawkins on the phone ASAP to explain how this evolved.
    Dr Dawkins would probably say “In the American entertainment industry the rules of biology have been irretrievably broken”.
    MOO

  14. FUCKBEAST

    We can only hope that that baby becomes self-aware and eats Kim from the inside out!

    • Kim's Unborn Piglet

      I would but my mouth hasn’t developed yet. Good God you should see what it looks like in here. Is that a half eaten sandwich floating around out there? Please release me from this filthy prison! Where is John Peterson when you need him?

      • Kim's Unborn Piglet

        Scott Peterson. Wow, I totally fucked that up. Screwed it, just look at who my parents’ are….

  15. Kim's Unborn Piglet

    sue-EEEEEEEEE……sue-EEEEEEEE!

  16. HEFTY HEFTY CINCH SACK

  17. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    Anybody know what birth defects are caused by massive doses of spray tanning? I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

  18. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    That guy is shoving an air hose up her ass.

  19. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey, it’s one of those Barcelona trannies on La Rambla!

    Que esta mi donero, madre fucker!

  20. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yo, yo baby girl…..like, now dat youre pregnant n shit with the future king of da world…what you gonna wear?”

    “I’m…..going to dress…like a black ostrich.”

    “Oh ma god, I knew you wuz goin ta say that! We’re BOTH geniuses!!”

  21. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey Kim,

    This is when you used to look hot, and guys used to jerk off to you.

  22. Doug Hutchinson and Courtney Stodden

    kim kuntrashian and the rest of the kuntrashian kunts are nothing but talentless famewhores with absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever.

  23. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    Now you look like an African safari animal that squeaks like a wet balloon.

  24. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    Omigod! I heard she had stopped shaving her bush, but this is ridiculous.

  25. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    Schweddy Snatch
    Commented on this photo:

    Avert your eyes! If you look at it, you’ll turn into a pillar of salt!

  26. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    So she figured out how to use Photoshop on Instagram? I true pioneer, this one.

  27. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    ditch bitch
    Commented on this photo:

    Trashy Armenian whore. Who the fuck would wear this in public, other than her??

  28. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    Freebie
    Commented on this photo:

    Bathroom looks nice

  29. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    Freebie
    Commented on this photo:

    This is not how she used to
    looked – show us an unphotoshopped picture.

  30. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    tom
    Commented on this photo:

    This is sooo ‘shopped.

  31. MOOOOOOOOoooooo, even worse now.

  32. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice backstrap, bitch! Buffalo Bill would have loved some quality time with her in his well…

  33. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    I had no idea you could get pregnant in the knees…

  34. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    whatthe
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet that’s not even maternity wear. It’s a “dress” for fat chicks.

  35. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess she thought that since she’s been squeezing herself into dresses all her life, being pregnant would be a breeze. Her dress killed itself after this.

  36. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    OK, now I get why she’s been saying they aren’t going to be selling any photos of the baby. She’s incubating a calf, not a baby. Loophole!

  37. KIM K, SUPERSTAR

    I am 32 years old, but act like a vain and self-obsessed 13-year old. My dream was always to become a princess. Instead I became an anal porn star, but I still think I am a princess. My body is full of plastic surgery. My boobs, azz, lips, teeth, cheeks, nose, hair, facelift etc., were are all bought from a plastic surgeon. I use to idolized Paris Hilton and I would hang on her like a koala bear all the time just to get my picture taken by the paparazzi. I was very jealous of Paris, so I put out a SEX TAPE just because she did. Until 2007 I use to do cocaine with her. I know there are pictures as proof, but I will deny it forever.

    My pimp mother, Kris Jenner (who in some ways is a bigger whore than me), fcuked the pool boy while my father, Robert Kardashian, was at work. Dad was an ambulance chaser, and helped keep OJ Simpson out of jail after he killed Ron Goldman and his ex-wife Nicole by hiding much of the blood evidence from the police. Anyway, the result was my pathetic half gorilla sister Khloe, who is a whore just like me. Whenever my mouth is moving I am lying, as I am INCAPABLE of telling the truth about anything. I pretend that if I lie about things people will eventually believe it. The way I walk, talk, and laugh is fake; and if you look into my eyes you can even see that my soul is fake. I have no personality at all!

    Although I pretended to be upset by the sex tape, I was the one that sent it to Steve Hirsch at Vivid Entertainment. They paid me $5 million to expose my nasty self. RayJ had nothing to do with the leaked sex tape. I tricked him into making a porno with me for distribution. My former publicist, Jonathan Jaxson, knows exactly what happened. I screwed him over and refused to pay him after our contract was up. Money and fame is all I live for. I am just waiting for him (and many, many more) to come out and reveal how I really am. I exploit my FAKE body all of the time because I lack elegance, class, dignity, self-respect, intelligence, and morals. I really am a very dirty woman, both inside and out.

    My ex husband Damon Thomas, whom I married at the age of 19 in Las Vegas, publicly called me: untalented, a trashy whore, desperate, a plastic surgery addict, a backstabber, and a cheater. I have no real friends because I have misused and stepped on everybody that has come my way for fame. If you see me in public it’s either because someone is paying me to be there, or I know the paps will be there to take my picture. I am currently using social medias to snake my way in to other celebrity’s lives for friendship and publicity. I show up like a diva to all kind of award shows that I have NO business at all attending. The only award show I should attend is the AVN. I call the paparazzi myself. I learned that trick from Paris Hilton, but unlike Paris I’m too cheap to buy them lunch like she does.

    I have NO talent what so ever. I was thrown off Dancing with the Stars on the second week. I made a work out video that clearly shows I’m in very bad shape. I did a test shoot for Playboy, but after seeing the proofs they refuse to acknowledge me. I got a Razzie for my sad performance in the parody Disaster Movie. I should have gotten one for my sextape as well. My song JAM, I have no words for. It is the most annoying and pitiful song in history. I sing like a tone deaf four year old with a nasal monotone voice; very unfortunate. Recently I made a video to go with the song. In it I shove my HUGE azz into the camera like a baboon in heat waiting to get mounted.

    Anybody who don’t like me for the rotten and lying whore that I am I call haters or jealous. We, the Kardashian’s, call each other dolls. And I alone have tainted the Pussycat Dolls by heisting their concept. I pretend that I care about others, but I could not care less. If I’m at a charity event you can bet I’m either getting paid to be there, or I’m there because I called the paps and want to get my picture taken. If you read the fine print you’ll see I keep 90% of the proceeds from my charity auction. The only person I really care about is myself. I tried to fcuk over children by selling them an insane debit Master Card with predatory fees. Unfortunately it was taken off the market after one week under the threat of legal action in several States. Thankfully I found a new way to rip off the kids, with glam silly bandz. Over weight children should skip normal diet & exercise and do shady diet pills or lipo-suction like me.

    I stole $120k from Sonja Norwood’s (Ray J and Brandy’s mother) credit card. After being busted I paid her back with the money I got from the sex tape I made with her son. That’s the circle life Mrs. Norwood. The clothes at Dash are pure knock offs from top brands and designers. Neither my sisters nor I know how to sew on a button or sketch anything, but we call ourselves fashion designers. Much of our clothing line is made by underage Chinese children. I pay them a dollar a day to work an 18-hour shift in one of my sweatshops. The logo on my perfumes is a complete rip-off from Korcula creator Lindley Bertin.

    For World AIDS Day I went off social medias until my fans had raised $1M. I was confident that within 12 hours I would be back. Seven days later I had to be bailed out by a billionaire who wanted to spare me any further shame. This is how much my «fans» value and missed me.

    I have never been single because I am too scared to spend time with myself. I am looking very much forward to the day my grand children sit on my lap and ask me if I am an anal porn star because that’s what everybody in kindergarten will say. I also love to flaunt my gigantic fake hippo azz. It’s my calling card for any rich Black man that wants to ram my azz hard and move on! Evan Ross, Marquis Houston, Scott Storch, Fabolous, The Game, Nick Cannon, Nick Lachey, Tyson Beckford, William ‘Ray J’ Norwood, Reggie Bush, Christiano, Chengo (The Bodyguard is one of my favorite movies ever) Miles Austin, Bow Wow, Gabriel Aubry (only because everybody said I was only into black guys) Kanye West, and my husband of 72 days Kris Humpries; are just a FEW of the men that have ALL fcuked me, pissed in my mouth, AND dumped me. They know that I am trash, and that I will bring their reputations down into the gutter with mine. I will fcuk anyone for publicity. I have had many STDs, but the only one I have now is herpes (got that from Paris too). I am pathetic, plastic, and terribly insecure.

    I am a national and international joke, and gave out my own ANAL/PISS SEX TAPE to get famous. I am a human toilet. I am clearly a very sick human being and I’m 100% shameless. I am the filthiest famewhore in the whole wide world!

    I am Kim Kardashian… Superstar

  38. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    fartface
    Commented on this photo:

    follow that bird

  39. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    spanisheddie
    Commented on this photo:

    Kenny Powers’d

  40. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    cabora
    Commented on this photo:

    how come her face isn’t getting fat?

  41. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    whocares
    Commented on this photo:

    you look trifleing bitch

  42. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    lawn
    Commented on this photo:

    Hahahahaha

    MOOOO!

  43. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    lawn
    Commented on this photo:

    I just can’t come up with the words to describe how ‘udderly’ ridiculous she looks.

  44. Kim's Unborn Piglet

    Oh Mommy, I just saw a picture of Daddy. I guess there’s no chance of shooting for high yellow.

  45. Kim Kardashian Feather Blouse Covering Pregnant Belly
    Caroline
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like she’s wearing a black grass hut.

  46. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    Styles Bitchley
    Commented on this photo:

    You just know Kanye is going to split in 5 years when her body is a complete sagging mess.

  47. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    Commented on this photo:

    is that a cartoon? that’s not even her real face.

  48. Kim Kardashian Skinny Instagram Pics
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like a Thai ladyboy: good, but you know there’s a penis.

  49. sallut

    Face it KK – you’re a fat pig. You were before you got pregnant, now you’re really a fat pig. And you will just continue to get fatter and grosser and more of a joke. See what happens when you get knocked up for PR? Hope you enjoy everyone laughing at your big fat ass :D

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