Kim Kardashian Only Went To Haiti For A Fashion Show. Surprise!

The Superficial / December 21, 2011

The National Enquirer is hit or miss – mostly miss – but let’s take a look at their report on Kim Kardashian’s “humanitarian mission” to Haiti, and then I’ll explain why it’s absolutely true:

During her 48-hour stay in the nation’s capital, the reality TV diva – accompa­nied by her mother/manager Kris Jenner – stayed in a $1,000-a-night hotel suite, traveled in a royalty-worthy convoy with her own photographers and bodyguards, and strutted down the runway in a fashion show.
But she mostly avoided the squalid refu­gee camps where an estimated 600,000 Haitians remain homeless with little ac­cess to sanitary facilities and clean water.
When she visited a school to hand out Christmas presents, it was the area’s most prestigious academy – and orphans were bused in to meet her!

So how do I know everything the Enquirer just said happened? Kim Kardashian is denying it. Via People:

While my experience was completely life-changing … a very emotional and surprisingly positive journey that I will never forget, some media outlets have tried to tarnish the motive behind my visit and have written completely ridiculous and untrue things,” she wrote.
“The truth is that I was at the Haitian Artisan Fair, where the amazing men and women who make their jewelry and crafts sell them to visitors to make a living, and I bought some beautiful jewelry!”

In case I haven’t made it crystal clear that everything a Kardashian says is bullshit wrapped in a bullshit shell served with bullshit dipping sauce, let me do that now: If Kim Kardashian tells you sharks can’t fly, the next time you’re on a plane one’s going to jump out of a cloud and bite you in the dick. FACT.

Photos: Splash News