Kim Kardashian “Doesn’t Care About Material Things Anymore”

Kim Kardashian just clocked back into the bullshit factory only two days after we all found out her ass is actually just a trash bag filled with cottage cheese and sponge cake. She went on the Ellen show to casually check in and let everyone know she got robbed seven or eight months ago. Did anyone read about that? Pretty easy to miss…

In the heartfelt, genuine, and totally not plugged interview, Ellen Degeneres asks Kim, “so how’s it going with the… thing… the robbery thing that people care about, I think?” Then Kim was off to the races like a shih tzu chasing a macaroon stuffed with beef tartare.

I know this sounds crazy, but I know that was meant to happen to me. I know that was so meant to happen to me- I’m such a different person… I really feel like things happen in your life to teach you things.

KARDASHNET HAS BECOME SELF-AWARE! EVERYONE NEEDS TO COVER THEMSELVES IN MOISTURIZER SO SHE CAN’T SMELL YOU! ELLEN, GET OUT OF THERE! SAVE YOURSELF!

ellen

… Oh dear god- ELLEN! Get out of there! Her fake tears are toxic!

I was definitely materialistic before. Not that there’s anything bad with having things and working hard to get those things and I’m really proud of everyone around me that’s successful, but I’m so happy that my kids get this me and that this is who [is] raising my kids. Because I just don’t care about that stuff anymore, I really don’t.

There you have it, folks! That’s the real reason why Kim hasn’t done anything flashy in the past 6-7 months! Nope! Nothing commercially driven to promote senseless materialism at all! Go ahead and watch the interview for yourself and learn something about being human…

WARNING: Kim’s fake cry will make you punch your computer screen, so I recommend backing up your files before clicking play.