Yup, this is happening.
Kim Kardashian posted a message to her fans on her official website last night where she actually attempts to sell two very large piles of shit: 1. That she really loved Kris Humphries, but only married him because she didn’t want to disappoint all the people counting on the wedding. Read: Her mom already sold the hell out of this thing which brings us to shit-pile #2: Kim didn’t make any money from the wedding. A lie that Kris Jenner also repeated this morning on The Today Show:
Jenner also debunked the rumor that E! bought the rights to the wedding for a reported $17.9 million. That’s just not the case, Jenner insisted. “One of the rumors is that we sold the television rights for millions of dollars — not true. We profited, she profited from the wedding? Absolutely false,” said Jenner.
When pressed about how much money Kardashian and Humphries made, Jenner clarified somewhat. “They made some money for the pictures that were sold and things like that, but at the end of the day, that money went towards the wedding and Kim had to pay a great deal of money (for the balance of the wedding). We don’t sell television rights.” (Pressed even further, Jenner said that photo rights were sold for “Less than a million, more than half a million dollars.”)
Pressed even further, Jenner admitted she has to blow Satan when this all over.
On that note, I’m posting the entire text of Kim’s message after the jump because she literally asks her fans to respect her “courage” while simultaneously requesting people stop calling her wedding the blatant scam she made it look like because she couldn’t stop being in front of a camera for a few months to even pretend to sell this thing. But apparently that counts as courage on Whore Island. Who knows?
FULL TEXT:
This is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write. I see all of the support and I am so thankful for my fans, friends and family who are helping me through this difficult time.
I am trying not to read all the different media reports but it’s hard not to see all the negative ones. First and foremost, I married for love. I can’t believe I even have to defend this. I would not have spent so much time on something just for a TV show! I share so much of my life on a reality show, that contemplating whether to even film my wedding was a tough decision to make, and maybe it turned out to not be the smartest decision. But it’s who I am! We filmed Kourtney giving birth, Khloe getting married, break ups, make ups, our best moments and our worst moments. These were all real moments. That’s what makes us who we are. We share, we give, we love and we are open!
Everyone that knows me knows that I’m a hopeless romantic! I love with all of my heart and soul. I want a family and babies and a real life so badly that maybe I rushed in to something too soon. I believed in love and the dream of what I wanted so badly. I felt like I was on a fast roller coaster and couldn’t get off when now I know I probably should have. I got caught up with the hoopla and the filming of the TV show that when I probably should have ended my relationship, I didn’t know how to and didn’t want to disappoint a lot of people.
I’m being honest here and I hope you respect my courage because this isn’t easy to go through. But I do know that I have to follow my heart. I never had the intention of hurting anybody and I accept full responsibility for my actions and decisions, and for taking everyone on this journey with me. It just didn’t turn out to be the fairy tale I had so badly hoped for.
There are also reports that I made millions of dollars off of the wedding. These reports are simply not true and it makes me so sad to have to even clarify this. I’m so grateful to everyone who took the time to come to my wedding and I’ll be donating the money for all the gifts to the Dream Foundation.
I’m sorry if I have hurt anyone, but my dad always told me to follow my heart and I believe now that I really am.
Yeah, you guys. The lawyer who helped O.J. get away with murder would’ve approved. What the fuck’s your problem?
UPDATE: Apparently Kris Humphries didn’t get the memo.
Photos: Flynet, Splash News, WENN
Evidence suggests she’s a whore.
Gonna return that great big diamond ring Kim? Hmmmm, no, I thought not.
It is her ring, why would she return it?
She had the ring long before she met that guy and even if she did not, she would have been the one to buy it, he has no money.
please do a sex tape with ray j reggie bush, scott disick and u can choose the other then we might forgive u
the mom is the biggest attention whore of them all
hahah,it’s so funny because its true…
Did anyone see Rob Kardashian’s interview from after his DWTS performance? Me neither, but I read the quote. He said, “We’re a close family. We keep things private.” This, from a guy whose sister allowed a camera in her birth canal for her son’s delivery. Super private.
“Courage on Whore Island” is one of Jack London’s most underrated novels, in my opinion.
I thought it was Clive Cussler? In any case, it’s a helluva read, especially the part where the urine-soaked slut has to make her way through the blizzard to find her XXXL panties.
FTW +1
YOU have made my day. :D I adore solid literary references to the classics.
“Sorry, I was just imagining Whore Island…”
– Sterling Mallory Archer
That’s not…a real place.
But the Isle of Man is.
I smell BS and it rivals the kind out of her rotund ass both by volume and stink.
Could this stunt actually be the end of Kim? Sadly no. The people that follow her life are the same ones that soap operas and this is just another turn in the story.
There is no moral compass anywhere within this family. Let’s just hope all this fakey “courage” crap drives the Kardashian clan out of business. That is the ONLY positive thing that could come out of this.
Please, don’t insult soap operas.
It would be hard to imagine a more execrable family than the Kardashians.
You guys… Really. Really, you guys? I don’t believe I even have to say this, you guys. Really. You guys! Really! I didn’t make a dime, you guys. Ok well maybe a half a mill, but really, you guys! Weddings are expensive! You guys? Really?!?
Whatevurrrrrrrrr.
I don’t know, but every time I see her I have the sudden urge to pee.
If I hadn’t been in class reading this, I would’ve actually laughed out loud when I read the title.
Maybe you should be paying attention to your teacher instead of reading gossip.
‘I Didn’t Make Any Money From My Wedding’ So what reason was the reasoning to tape your wedding for TV? The shit load of wedding gifts,dress, the diamond ring etc? I believe you if you believe me that I don’t watch porn nor partake in sex with my girlfriend while we drunk as hell?
“we are”
How can you tell if a Kardashian is lying? Her lips aren’t full of a black guy.
Please, if you mother will broker the sale of your urine soaked sex tape, why wouldn’t she broker the sale of your wedding? Really now.
Meh. We all know she’s an actual prostitute and she still looked like a pretty decent fuck (via sex tape). If I had the dough I’d probably pay to fuck her too. Humphries just took it too far – you don’t actually MARRY the hooker.
Your mom is a fucking liar! You made tons money off the Wedding.
1. Money from the show.
2. Money from the “wedding special”
3. Any vendor (ie. Vera Wang) named in the wedding = super discount or free for your wedding.
4. Millions in gifts
5. 2 Million dollar ring.
6. Selling her wedding pics.
No way in hell her mom didn’t shop that shit to highest bidder.
The list goes on! Now her whore mom repeatedly says “Kim will donated her gifts.” Yeah thats not going to save her soul! BOYCOTT KARDASH!
Yeah, they didn’t make any money? Fuck, these fame whores don’t do anything without getting paid. She’d probably bottle her farts if she found someone to pay her for them! When is this family going to disappear? Poor Bruce Jenner…he once was something, now he’s a plastic Barbie puppet. Another fine example of the shit TV spews.
Give Kris back the ring, you cow.
worst or one of the worst publicity stunts ever.
Uh-huh! Just like she didn’t profit from her skany-assed XXX video with Ray J.
Kim is pure as the driven snow and twice as annoying!
She married for the love….of money.
Anywho, if she had any etiquette or class AT ALL, she would return the gifts to the guests who wasted their time in money.
She’s donating the money from the gifts to charity, so that at the end of year she’ll have a nice TAX WRITE-OFF. At every angle she’s making money.
YES!! Why isn’t anyone commenting on this more publicly?? YOU DO NOT donate the money from the gifts to charity. Give those gifts BACK. Additionally, why should they even get gifts in the first place?? If I were a guest at that wedding, I’d have been like, hell if I’m giving you a gift when you’re making millions from filming this wedding.
We don’t need hell in the after life. It’ being broadcasted on the E! network.
She needs to stick to have sex on camera.
“I didn’t know how to and didn’t want to disappoint a lot of people.”
Read: “I didn’t want to get sued.”
Ok Urinal Cakes, we believe you.
what’s with motherwhore always ending her comments with “at the end of the day”? that’s annoying as fuck
Yeah, “moving forward” irks my groin, too.
The only reason they are claiming Kim didn’t make any money off the wedding is because they know Kris Humphries is entitled to half of it.
People lie about their assets and claim to be broke during divorces all the time.
I highly doubt that Kris will get anything other than the payout he agreed to for this whole scam. They made him sign that prenup for a reason.
Right, because a family that is hell bent on popularity, fame and wealth, didn’t make the nobody basketball player sign a prenup. Nope.
Things suck if you manage to become a basketball player and are still considered a nobody.
He’s an average NBA player. That does not qualify as sucking at life.
File this under, “Lies and the lying liars that tell them.”
i smell another book, senator franken..
Muthafukka please. The Whoredashians don’t leave the house unless they’re getting paid for it.
Never thought I’d say this, but I wish we were back to when Paris Hilton was famous. It was simpler time.
And at least she put out a sex tape worth watching once in while.
They’ll be overthrown be another kooky family…..eventually. I won’t say hopefully b/c I like observing how they try to control their brand.
Also, not gonna bother lamenting the decline of American culture. It has always happened and will happen to the Kardashians on a smaller scale, too.
This fucking bitch, I hope this is her downfall.
On a sidenote…I kind of like her more now that she pulled off the biggest con (ppl wise) in history. Millions of ppl con’ed out of their time, and Millions of dollars stuffed into her hatchet wound. Well done.
It’s damage control, like the titanium tights that she wears to control her hail damage. E! is furious that she filed the divorce papers off-camera, and by divorcing she completely screwed up lots of upcoming already-film footage for their show (continuing in the “fairy tale marriage” theme). Who knows if they can hold onto an audience now. There are simpletons who love obviously fake “reality” TV, but callously faking a marriage may be a bit too much even for them.
exactly.
She is such a liar. This whole thing was scripted for E and she made millions on it. It was all fake. Let’s see her return all gifts and the ring too and donate all the cash they got paid to charity. Then maybe I’d believe her. Let’s boycott that disgusting network that broadcasts this garbage!
only way they’d do that is if there’s a tv special and book deal involved
If being peed on by a C-list R&B star in a homemade porn doesn’t give a girl the right to fake a marriage to scam millions from credulous housewives, I’m not sure what does.
“And my ass isn’t big either!”
Most people don’t, fame whore.
Does her family own the right to him using the letter K in his first name?
Hope the poor dude isnt cast aside as CHRIS in the wake of the prenup.
When the Kardashian machine realizes no one is buying the bullshit, watch how many “insider stories” start to come out about Humphries either cheating on her or hitting her.
Already started – she’s claiming his parents didn’t like her. At least that story is plausible.
Probably because the cunt made them buy their own Greyhound coach tickets to the wedding.
STFU!!!! This Krusty Kunt is still lying about lying ….. The jig is up ..
Kris Jenner is a piece of work do you really think we are that stupid.
If they didn’t get paid they wouldn’t have had the wedding lets be real.
What a lying, disgusting piece of shit family, especially the mother who is out on every talk show promoting that shit book of hers.
Watching their empire implode this week has been just fantastic.
I don’t have to hope they will go to hell when they die, I am certain that is where they are going.
I want nothing more than for Kris to find a nice girl, have a quiet wedding, and be expecting triplets by next July. Only because that will piss Kim off the most.
But Kim likes being pissed on. I mean pissed off.
Awrighty, here… let’s see what’s in the bullshit parade. I expect this will end up a little TL;DR, but I’m on cold meds and this is a public forum.
===
“This is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write.”
Read: “My mom wrote this.”
“I am so thankful for my … family who are helping me through this difficult time.”
FYI: Khloe said at the wedding she gave it “six effin’ months”. That’s the kind of family I want on my side!
“I am trying not to read all the different media reports…”
Read: “I pay an army of commoners to do that for me.”
“First and foremost, I married for love.”
I.: Uh, yeah… love of money, love of yourself, love of fancy gifts, etc. Gotta give her this one.
“…that contemplating whether to even film my wedding was a tough decision to make…”
I.: “…until my mom explained how many designer handbags I could cash it in for.”
“These were all real moments.”
I.: Yep. Real phony.
“I want a family and babies and a real life so badly…”
I.: Well, you certainly go about it a funny way. Look, I’ve got a real life, and I didn’t have to let anyone pee on me! Not even once!
“I felt like I was on a fast roller coaster…”
I.: Ha ha! I just pictured her trying to squeeze her fat, phony ass into a roller coaster car!
“…when I probably should have ended my relationship, I didn’t know how to…”
Read: It wasn’t in the script.
“…I accept full responsibility for my actions and decisions…”
I.: … how, exactly??
“There are also reports that I made millions of dollars off of the wedding.”
I.: Ah, the crux of the matter. Bitch, you don’t do anything unless you get paid. Mom makes sure of it.
And the clincher… doesn’t mention the husband even once. It’s like he never existed.
TLDR
Ok, what is this TLDR business?
Yaaay! I was right! It was too long, but I read it anyway. Hey, justifiable! You talkin to me?? I’ve never been pissed on! Don’t associate me with that cuntjob! Ahem..thank you and best regards. Kimkim.
Ha, that’s so true. There wasn’t even any “we will continue to respect eachother”, or ” please respect OUR privacy”. In fact, I counted roughly 50 times she said “I”, “me” or “my” in that verbal diarrhea.
TLDR is short for “too long, didn’t read”
Too funny!
Wait, are you SURE no one’s ever peed on you?
Hey, I’m not sure what my parents had to do to survive when I was too little to remember, but for the parts I can speak to, the answer is “I’m sure”. Maybe I wasn’t offering enough money? *shrug*
Lets boycott the kardashians please. Enough is enough!!
Don’t post any more of thier stories
I believe you………BUT SORRY TO SAY THIS BUT YOUR MOTHER & SISTERS DID!!!
Whatever happened to the sanctity of Marriage. How can you Jesus freaks be OK with this but get into a Bible thumping frenzy when two people who both happen to have the same genitals genuinely love each other and actually believe in marriage want to get married.
Randal(l)
The real question is: Are Kris Humphies and his parents in on this PR charade? They will be dragged through the mud to keep the story alive in the papers. I really wonder if he or his parents knew that this was a set up. If they all knew, then Ok. But if they didn’t I feel really sorry for them because they are about to get Kardash-smacked.
Kris Jenner still has two daughters at home. Let your mind wrap around that for awhile. I’m pretty sure their dad doesn’t have the sack to step in and prevent further atrocities.
L – I – A – R