Kim Kardashian Is Seriously Going To Pretend To Fix Her Marriage Now

November 7th, 2011 // 81 Comments
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After an entire week of backlash from divorcing Kris Humphries and essentially revealing their marriage as the massive scam it was designed to be from the start, Kim Kardashian flew to Minnesota over the weekend to pretend she actually has genuine emotions and isn’t a soulless whore-machine hell-bent on whore-mongering. RadarOnline reports:

Pastor Joel Johnson, who is Kris’ hometown minister, spent two hours with the estranged pair at Humphries’ lavish lakefront home.
As previously reported, Kim flew overnight from Los Angeles for the gathering. She arrived in Minneapolis at 5:30 am.
Kim was seen making several emotional phone calls from the home’s porch, and Pastor Johnson declined to answer reporters questions about how the couple is doing.

Here’s the most important thing to take away from all this: Kim Kardashian is standing roughly two miles away from the photographers she’s talking to on the phone making sure they get these shots of her making sad faces so she can immediately hop the next plane (Which she did.), and her ass still looks ginormous. It’s like staring at a black hole through the Hubble Telescope. Will it consume our entire universe in a whore-tex of shit and plastic eyebrows? God only knows.

Photos: INFdaily, Splash News


  1. alexxx


    • Randal

      Major points here for Kim in taking the time to work this out. Her body language speaks volumes of the confusion she is certainly feeling right now, yet she’s still able to maintain such poise and beauty of a princess. Our prayers are with you, Kim.


      • suck it

        I miss the real Randal :(

      • Randal, revised

        Major knife points should be stabbed into Kim for pretending to take 5 minutes to work this out. Her giant ass speaks volumes of flatulence right now, yet she’s still able to maintain the poise and beauty of a genital wart. Our prayers are for you to go away, Kim.


      • rican

        I bet you already bought the wedding’s DVD.

      • Do Freebird

        Kris, under all those major surgeries, you’re still nothing more than a dried-out old woman. And your daughter is still a slore., fat assed, hairy, grotesque caricature of a human being.

      • Fish, you have got to do an “The Most Important People on the Internet,” entirely devoted to Randal’s comments one of these days.” The dude is a comic genius.

    • Cock Dr

      They had to go over some final contract stuff and to coordinate their stories for the tabloids.
      Money raises strong emotions in the K klan.

    • TheTruth

      phlease, another photo op, she went out there to convince him not to sue for his rightful half of the 18 million profit from their publicity stunt – plus she don’t wanna give that ring back – they shopped for the right good looking not too bright guy to fit the bill before she turns 31, only he ain’t as stupid as they thought – he demands his $$half of their stunt and pimp momma ain’t having it, that’s why the divorce – Kris Hump is claiming his rights! Get it Kris ! Don’t let them pimp your balls like the rest of the punks in the family. Then write your book, everyone will buy it! We are so done with these gypsy Kumdashians, and if you ain’t, how dumb you?

  2. JabbaWho?

    Can we stop with these trolls Fish?

  3. Jen

    can you stop giving them publicity tho

  4. Donald Trump

    I can’t stand that whole cunting family. They should all fall off the face of the Earth!

    • JC

      That’s physically impossible, since the gravitational field of Kim’s ass is actually strong than that of the Earth. Our entire planet is pretty much Kim’s dingleberry.

  5. hmna

    And I’m going to pretend to care.

    I care. I really do.

    Was that the right amount of faux sympathy? I may have to work on that.

  6. Gophers suck

    FYI, a “lavish” home in Minnesota means they have running water and electricity.

  7. Carla

    Fish, that last paragraph is poetry.

  8. Roughing my way to the top

    If KH was allowed to cornhole her new bride, this man would’ve been on his 92nd day of marriage bliss. Trust me, I consulted my pastor about this issue yesterday after mass…

  9. Gilmore Girl

    So Kim is at Kris’ lavish home (read: large) and she goes where to make a phone call? Into another room? Oh no…she goes outside. You know, because if she goes into another room then it will actually look like she is taking this seriously and not just looking for another photo op.

  10. Juano

    Ridiculous. Clearly scripted, else how would they know she was there?

    Although, it does show that her sister is way better looking than she is.

    • Richard McBeef

      Yeah because paparazzi are stationed in MN all the time with all the big name stars that come and go through here. I’m sure she bought them tickets. Coach of course.

      • Mia

        Completely agree! Minnesota’s boring as fuck. I doubt they’d know she was here unless she, her mom, or sisters tipped them off for publicity.

    • S

      Umm yeah, we don’t have paparazzi in MN. They had to have come from elsewhere.

  11. Tim

    But I thought “in her heart” she knew she made a mistake?

  12. She’s probably booking her return flight.

  13. Concerned Adult

    Trip to Minnesota = miscalculation of fan backlash.
    She operates on money , not real emotion or heart .
    Randall, she’s as phony as non – fat ice cream.
    Gophers suck :
    I hope your “partner” gives you a reach – around next time

  14. Kimarie

    Oh, no, she looks really upset. There must’ve been a problem with the contract to divide the wedding profits. Maybe the pastor can convince Kris that Jesus wants Kim to get most of the money. Stay strong, Kim!

  15. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Meet Pastor
    Commented on this photo:

    “Allright, look, you were supposed to contract 32 paps to be here, and I only see 29. What gives?”

  16. Richard McBeef

    I noticed my ears popped early Saturday morning in the Twin Cities. Probably the pressure change when airport workers depressurized the cargo hold containing Kim’s fat ass.

    • Casey

      I noticed that there are a lot more cracks in the sidewalks in Minneapolis than there used to be. I thought we must have had some earthquake that I missed. Then I saw this post and it all made sense.

  17. Tristyn

    Yes mom ,I’m standing on the front porch DUH !
    O.k. Now from 9pm to 9:15 pm tmz will drive by . Remember to look into the camera,s like we rehearsed it .. You’ll do amazing be the (superstar) that we all know you are…

  18. Frank Burns

    “Hello, Domino’s? Those pizzas you delivered all went straight to my ass!”

  19. Do Freebird

    Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank. Fucking lying-assed bitch skank.

  20. Archies_Leach

    Let me try to state this as succinctly as possible: no class trailer trash talentless fame whore COW with absolutely no redeeming values whatsoever.

  21. How long could Kim last in the desert without water? Could she cross the Kalahari? First we must answer these questions:
    1. Is there a better scientific explanation for her ass other than it being something like a camel hump? No.
    2. Would her mom have sex with a dromedary? Yes.
    3. Are anthropomorphic creatures biologically possible? Apparently. I mean, if you can combine a lion and a tiger to get a liger, why can’t you combine a camel and a Kardashian to get a Kardromedarian?

    • Richard McBeef, PhD

      Often it’s a chromosome number mismatch that creates problems with interbreeding of somewhat closely related species. That’s why you don’t see manzees running around, because I’m sure there is plenty of fruitless human/chimpanzee sexual relations going on.

      • So what you’re saying is that it IS possible, as long as her mom has the same number of chromosomes as a camel. Now, we already know she has the same number of chromosomes as a yeti (see Khloe). So therefore, we must infer that camels and yetis have the same number of chromosomes. Holy shit, Nature Magazine has just met its match in The Superficial!

      • Richard McBeef, PhD

        I mean there are a handful of checks in place that prevent bastardized hybrid animals, but matching chromosome numbers is a good start on what’s possible.

      • I want a pet Yetel.

  22. Venom

    This bitch and her family have no shame, not one fucking iota of shame.

  23. Buddy the Elf

    So she flew out in person to divvy up the wedding gifts, no way she does this without getting paid something.

  24. poop butt

    she’s probably on he phones with her mom and lawyer b’cuz they are fretting he’s not sticking o his end of the bargain. this is just all money talk. he might spill. bu he signed all those contracts…. they sent her to try to reason with him, and that texting hes been doing? she jsut doesnt want him to expose her. shes frantic.

  25. r

    I knew she would do this on the day she said she was getting divorced.The Kadashians need to go away they are only famous because of the porno of Kim.

  26. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Meet Pastor
    Commented on this photo:

    Ahaha. Dog out in the cold!

  27. Skeezix

    Let’s say that KK planned the wedding for publicity and for TV, etc., and never intended to stay married. I don’t know if this is what happened, but let’s say it is. And a bunch of people who believe the wedding is real rather than a publicity stunt give gifts with monetary value. Were they the victims of fraud in a legal sense? It’s one thing for newlyweds to decide to get divorced shortly after their marriage – there’s no fraud involved in such a situation. But if the divorce coming shortly after the wedding was planned before the wedding… Any attorneys out there?

    • Juano

      To the extent that the parties involved intended that the “marriage” not be valid before the fact or otherwise had no intention of creating what a reasonable person would consider to be a marriage or union, certainly the jackasses, er, I mean wedding guests, might have a reasonable basis to claim fraudulent inducement to provide gifts to these asses.

      • CranAppleSnapple

        heheh Nice one, Juano.

        If this cunt actually tries the on again-off again shit just to get repeated magazine covers, she is seriously taking her life in her hands. Because people are furious NOW, and we just want her to go away. You hear us, Camel?

  28. don't get it

    why does everyone hate them soooo much? really, what are they doing that’s so bad?

    • Juano

      The real question isn’t why people hate them. I don’t hate them and I would guess most people don’t give a shit enough to hate them. The problem is they won’t go away, they push themselves in our faces, they try to pretend that they are good people when they aren’t, and then they pull this sort of bullshit.

      The underlying issue is that they are so obviously full of shit in everything that they do that rational people loath them (there is a difference between hate and loath).

    • CranAppleSnapple

      @don’t get it
      I guarantee you don’t get a lot of things. You apparently have no reasoning skills at all.

  29. Euroman

    So let me get this straight:
    1- She gets married and it costs $10 Million plus
    2- She files for divorce 72 days later;
    3- Flies to Australia where she is made a laughing stock;
    4- Cancels appearances in Australia under the pretext “I’m Distraught”
    5- Flies back to LA where she finds out she is a laughing stock
    6- Flies to Minnesota to reconcile
    7- Has pictures taken without makeup but with sad face
    8- Claims is trying to workout problems with help of minister

    Did I miss anything? Except maybe you see the minister to workout marriage problems BEFORE you file for divorce

    • Juano

      Just a couple things, to remind us of why we loath the Kardashians.

      a. Claims she made no money on the wedding
      b. Makes a donation of $200k to charity to cover gifts received that were likely worth a lot more
      c. Claims she sent to Australia because following through on her commitments is important; cancels those commitments within hours of making that statement and flies home when it is obvious people recognize she is full of shit
      d. Starts rumors that the husband’s family didn’t like her from the beginning (gee, I wonder why they wouldn’t like her) to cover her ass
      e. Has mother hit the talk shows to spread the bullshit even further (while at the same time claiming she could have saved her friend from the guy who murdered her, who in an amazing coincidence was defended by her father from the charge that he had murdered the mother’s friend)

      • Euroman

        Thanks for adding to my list; I had completely forgotten about them (Just goes to show you how much attention I am paying to her)

      • BE

        Props to SNL for hitting the nail on the head with these vampires…The only thing they left out was the Nicole Simpson reference.

      • Burt

        “b. Makes a donation of $200k to charity to cover gifts received that were likely worth a lot more”

        A tax deductible donation, no doubt.

    • Burt

      The minister thing is so people thing it’s legit. Some people are suckers for this. Look at how the Pratts suddenly claimed they were born-again Christians after they got bad press for their behavior.

  30. Anon

    I am only mock caring about these fake people and their faux issues over their sham wedding and bogus divorce.

    The funny thing is the family is acting like this is her first divorce. It’s not like she hasn’t done this before. She’s a two-time marriage loser. This is her SECOND divorce.

  31. Rossafur

    Ha I wonder if the pastor is ever going to address this bologna to his congregation. My family goes to that church, and I do when I’m forced to.

  32. R.A.

    One would think, ahem, that someone so emotionally distraught over their divorce would make their tear drenched phone calls in the privacy of one of the 600 + rooms in that mansion she’s standing in front of in the Minnesota cold. Fakety-fake-fake-faker. (and also whore)

    • CranAppleSnapple

      EXACTLY. Brings to mind the close-up photos of Heidi Monslag crying on her front lawn when her song tanked. “No one likes me.” “Sniffle” Powders nose. “Sniffle”

  33. Frank Burns

    Perhaps they should have consulted with Pastor Johnson first, instead of their initial counselor, Sir Mix-A-Lot

  34. slurricane

    “Hi…. Khloe? Why didn’t you call ALL of the photographers? I only see a few on that grassy hill over there. You do know that there’s a better angle of my sad face a few yards to the left, right?………Well, I know you have all those Jack Link’s commercials to shoot, but can you please call the other photographers?”

  35. BE

    There was a time when you had to be famous for something (other than being idiot enough to DO a sex tape and then let it go viral).
    And, in a way, the Kardashians are worse than the Hiltons because you take a (former) icon such as Bruce Jenner and just convince him that being the idiot father to this freak show is good. Whereas the Hiltons are simply vapid.
    Only conclusion – athletes ARE stupid and can be talked into anything.

  36. BE

    Let’s take a poll. Does anyone actually believe this photo op wasn’t scripted to spin the backlash on the wedding?

    +1 = yes
    -1 = no

  37. Vanessa Carter

    As Kim always say in her show.. ‘this is so ridiculous’ … well, obviously Kim used him. After that $20 million worth wedding then the fairytale divorce after 72 days. $20 million would’ve been more than enough to feed the hungry people in Africa. $2 million, Kim’s engagement ring price tag, would’ve been more than enough to help the displaced flood victims in the Philippines and numbers of couples in america can have a decent marriage from this money. … and where’s the sanctity of marriage?

  38. Mags

    Hmmm…call me suspicious but…seems like we are all pretty upset about this? Really, though; why? I am not personally impacted by this, other than wanting to see them suffer something – for them – worse than hell. No publicity; no more money. Just like OJ: the worst for him is not being publicly adored anymore. Ain’t life weird?

  39. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Meet Pastor
    Commented on this photo:

    If she had any dignity and respect for herself she would go home and leave that darling man alone!!!

  40. Aine

    I don’t give a fuck about sports an didn’t even know who Kris Humphries was before all this, but I do not want that glorified hooker Kim Kardashian anywhere near my town… And Chanhassen puts her skank ass about 15 miles away. Bitch, go the fuck back home or I’ll deflate your ass implants.

  41. Dorothy

    Fuck what everybody is saying kris is a loser who didn’t deserve Kim in the first place. Kim made a great decision to divorce him and I agree with her 100%. Kris is not a hero for refusing to sign the divorce papers he’s not signing them because Kim gave him a taste of the high life a life that he has become addicted to but will never live without her. He’s an unsuccessful nba player which is why he is currently employed and he married Kim for her money. He needs to be grateful of the 72 luxurious days he mad with her and sign the divorce papers now!

  42. Jeanette

    Kris she be glad that she wants to divorce him …she’s a spoiled whinnin annoying stuck up bitch who only cares about herself and just making $$ and she always wants the spotlight on her 24/7 and thats just what the madia is giving her right now by talking about her divorce all the time she needs a wake up!!!!!

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