Kim Kardashian Wouldn’t Move to Minnesota, Is The Bullsh*t Excuse

October 31st, 2011 // 138 Comments

With Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries‘ divorce confirmed by E! News, it was only a matter of time until story lines from the show are passed off as actual events that happened in real life instead of scripted horseshit written for gullible rubes. And here we are. Via TMZ:

We’re told Kris was passionate about eventually settling down in Minnesota, where he’s from … and believed Kim was on board with the plan. She wasn’t.
Sources tell us Kim — who’s from L.A. — wants to stay near her family … and she also feels that staying in town is the best thing for her career.
So why didn’t this conversation come up before the $10 million wedding? We’re told the two talked about their future … but got caught up in the hooplah and figured they would simply figure it out after they tied the knot.

“Hey, where we gonna live? Aw, fuck it. Let’s get married first and I’ll just assume you’ll be a kind, considerate wife not at all obsessed with whoring your ass for the highest price every waking hour.”

Wow, I’m genuinely shocked that didn’t work out, except wait, it never happened just like this next tidbit about Kris Humphries being “bummed” because he’s very religious and “doesn’t believe in divorce”:

Kris, who’s a religious guy, is telling friends he and Kim discussed the possibility of divorce, but he believed they could work their problems out.
We’re told Kris didn’t know Kim was actually filing legal papers until this morning.

Then again…

KRIS: So I’d pretend to marry you just for money? That doesn’t seem right.
KIM: I prayed and Jesus said we should.
KRIS: Oh, wow, I better do that then.
KIM: And he wants you to sign this non-disclosure agreement barring you from telling anyone my whole family is bullshit whorebeasts.
KRIS: He did?
KIM: Yup.
KRIS: Man, Jesus is smart…

Photos: INFdaily

superficial

  1. samuel

    what a couple of c@#ts…

  2. ace11

    Maybe she wouldn’t let Kris piss on her?

    She seems to like that

  3. Burt

    TMZ is full of it. It wasn’t a 10 million dollar wedding, it was an 18 million dollar wedding, as in that’s the amount they made from selling pictures and that TV special…And they still want us to believe the marriage wasn’t a sham? Ever wonder how TMZ can afford such a large staff?

  4. Buddy the Elf

    couldnt happen to a more worthless whore than Kim.

  5. KK-Hater

    Kim you are a USELESS Fucking CUNT, you are a worthless piece of SHIT. What’s wrong with living in Minnesota, not enough room there to fit you FAT ASS? Well bitch what is it? Not enough paparazzi to get you on the daily news cycle? You make me sick you cock sucking, useless fucking CUNT!! Do us all a favor and just kill yourself!!

  6. Chris

    I hope he at least got to pee on her… If he didn’t, well that would be like having sex with Kim Kardashian and not peeing on her. It’s in the Constitution.

  7. Dr Ha-Ha

    Funny that BUMblefuck, Minnesota is exactly where Kim belongs.

  8. Dr Ha-Ha

    EdKiernanNYC Ed Kiernan

    @KimKardashian is filing for divorce. During this difficult time, the #Kardashian family requests as much attention as possible

  9. suck it

    I would not be surprised if this divorce thing is a publicity stunt as well.
    It is too soon for the famewhorefamily to dump him. They could have squeezed another few months out of it, and maybe a “couple’s perfume” (like Khloe and Lamar) and/or some other bullshit products.
    So if this is the END, Kris must have done something to piss the family off… or they will get back together and then divorce a few months from now.

  10. suck it

    The Kardashians wanted a bigger story than the 7th billion person being born today. And they got it.

  11. KK_is_a_Ho

    Goddamn SUCCUBUS!

    her reality show is a publicity stunt
    her sex tape is a publicity stunt
    her VIP appearances are publicity stunts
    her magazine stories are publicity stunts
    her perfume is a publicity stunt
    her marriage is a publicity stunt
    her divorce is a publicity stunt
    EVERYTHING this SHE DEVIL does is for herself and her gang family to make money. LOT OF IT!!
    EVERYTHING.
    Her life is all fake.

    Why doesn’t everyone see this????

  12. KK_is_a_Ho

    FAME WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!!!!

  13. KK_is_a_Ho

    Next up: ‘Kim Kardashinanigin’s Fairy Tail Thanksgiving Special’ with her new NHL boyfriend.

  14. Smag

    She didn’t even have to dress up for Halloween.. LOOK.. she’s already a succubus demon.

  15. anonym

    that’s not the whole story.
    she didn’t spend $10 million.
    she EARNED $20 million after expenses.

    the kardashians don’t do shit unless it makes them money.

    and frankly, they don’t deserve it

  16. forrest gump

    entire kim kardashian is made to serve california.
    the winters are simply to heavy for this woman in minesota.

    be honest: WHAT IS THERE?
    well………….buck hill.

  17. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    Uh…her career?

  18. Cartman

    Well, at least this dopey fucker can say he fucked her in the ass.

  19. WhateverYouSay

    RUN, KRIS HUMPHRIES! RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!

  20. jacob langer

    they both looking cool and i fell like that they between more so love it cool couple.

    http://pythonspower.org/

  21. Mia

    What’s wrong with Minnesota? Oh yeah….. all the cold-hearted assholes that can’t drive.

  22. Mia

    Why wouldn’t she want to move to Minnesota!?!? Oh wait, that’s right. There are cold winters, many cold-hearted people (Minnesota “nice”? More like Minnesota “ice”), and they can’t drive. Yeah I want to move back…not.

  23. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    Wouldn’t move to Minnesota or couldn’t spell Minnesota? Ah who cares…

  24. LG

    well every black guy with a full bladder should watch out, kim is single again.

    • Bart

      No, it’s because she’s a talentless useless piece of shit. She has a faux 10 million dollar wedding while there are people in this country, hell, on my street, jobless or homeless and unable to take care of or feed their kids. She’s an ugly, useless, talentless, pointless, disgusting piece of slime who whores herself out for fattest (pun intended) paycheck.

      The only worthwhile thing this twatwaddle has managed to pull off so far is not to spawn…may it be ever so.

  25. MNW

    WOW! WHAT A BUNCH OF HATERS YOU ALL ARE! Who the fuck cares what she’s done or with who? . . . oh wait, I guess all of YOU!! GET YOUR OWN LIFE! then maybe you’ll have something better to do with your time. Don’t you know how STUPID you sound hating a person you don’t even know? . . . you must be butt-fucking-ugly! . . . and bitter!

    • Burt

      Remember, she first became famous as “Paris Hilton’s friend who also has a porn movie”. She owes at least half of her money to Paris Hilton, as far as I’m concerned. She ripped her off big time when she shot that porn movie, released it, and then pretended she was trying to block it’s release.

    • Bart

      …and yet, here you are…

    • Insider

      Shut up Khloe

  26. skunk

    the real reason: kris humphries is only half black

  27. your mirror

    We r tired of lies n disappointments from Kim n her entire money hungry family. I used to watch n record her shows, n waited patiently for Sears collection to come out and for what for this nasty betrail to her fans who believe in her sincerity, of her mom who preaches all the biggest bs in the world about love n family union and god?? Which god?? Your Fl fans are done for good! We will not ware your ugly clothes filled with betrail and lies. Put more fakeup on you race of serpents. The bible itself says that money is the root of all evil! and that ugly pastor they show representing their family as a good one will one day have to Stand in front of a real king and explain why his guidance was all about good and nothing about consequences. May God have mercy on your souls, we shall see who has the last laugh. Poor Chris, we pray for your healing…

  28. packing_Pink_heat

    Why is it that the Kardashians have to only date and marry ballers? Ya right. She’s not about the money, but wants love??? As long as its an above six figured love. I liked her until she put down MN. Too bad for her since she might have met a few people that would have been real friends instead of the ones that only hang around because she has money or fame.
    And Duhhh….Kris eye’s were wide open the day she bawled about losing a diamond earring on their vaca! He repeatedly told her that he wasn’t about things and would never buy anything he couldn’t afford to lose. Guess he forgot to put Kim herself on that list!

  29. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Divorce
    patty
    Commented on this photo:

    Maybe before you committ to a marriage think about the wonderful chance to live in Hopkins, Minnesota or anywhere in Minnesota.
    Maybe it would make you a better person and not so SPOILED!

  30. gumption

    I also dont feel sorry for kris h. He is a less intelligent Lurch. He is also a user hence the match, she just trumped him. The reason everyone is mad is because people are not doing well financially and kim k was the big distraction from the American nightmare. She was the epitome of what every retard believed they themselves would be one day, rich and “gamorous”, rolling in excess. Watching her bathe in $ got the public off because even as the dumbest in the country was learning that the American dream is only real is you’re sleeping, society REFUSED to accpet it. They needed kk or some dumb ass to parade around so that they could keep their fantasy alive that once this little recession was over, they could go back to fooling themselves that “anyone can get rich”. Guess what dumbfucks, you were NEVER doing well even before the recession, you were never going to get rich, you were just satisfied working round the clock to go shopping at old navy and shove grease down your fat throats and all was well in your world. The recession just made kk’s existence ever more urgent, that’s all. That is the purpose she served, oh, and distracting from the 5 wars America launched. So now that she is divorced people are angry because she poked a hole in your little fantasy, boo hoo. She is just a pawn in your sick games so if anything she should hate all of you, lol! bunch of morons.

  31. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Divorce
    sosickofkk
    Commented on this photo:

    hey honey, can u get the hell out of the way so you don’t block my outfit

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