Kim Kardashian Wouldn’t Move to Minnesota, Is The Bullsh*t Excuse

With Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries’ divorce confirmed by E! News, it was only a matter of time until story lines from the show are passed off as actual events that happened in real life instead of scripted horseshit written for gullible rubes. And here we are. Via TMZ:

We’re told Kris was passionate about eventually settling down in Minnesota, where he’s from … and believed Kim was on board with the plan. She wasn’t.
Sources tell us Kim — who’s from L.A. — wants to stay near her family … and she also feels that staying in town is the best thing for her career.
So why didn’t this conversation come up before the $10 million wedding? We’re told the two talked about their future … but got caught up in the hooplah and figured they would simply figure it out after they tied the knot.

“Hey, where we gonna live? Aw, fuck it. Let’s get married first and I’ll just assume you’ll be a kind, considerate wife not at all obsessed with whoring your ass for the highest price every waking hour.”

Wow, I’m genuinely shocked that didn’t work out, except wait, it never happened just like this next tidbit about Kris Humphries being “bummed” because he’s very religious and “doesn’t believe in divorce”:

Kris, who’s a religious guy, is telling friends he and Kim discussed the possibility of divorce, but he believed they could work their problems out.
We’re told Kris didn’t know Kim was actually filing legal papers until this morning.

Then again…

KRIS: So I’d pretend to marry you just for money? That doesn’t seem right.
KIM: I prayed and Jesus said we should.
KRIS: Oh, wow, I better do that then.
KIM: And he wants you to sign this non-disclosure agreement barring you from telling anyone my whole family is bullshit whorebeasts.
KRIS: He did?
KIM: Yup.
KRIS: Man, Jesus is smart…

Photos: INFdaily