Kim Kardashian Can’t Go On, You Guys

November 3rd, 2011 // 36 Comments
The Divorce
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“Wait. You’re wich ’cause a boy peed on you? — Keep the autogwaph.”

Kim Kardashian is so distraught over her divorce – “I barely even had time to do an evil laugh about all the money I scammed,” I like to believe she said. – that she had no choice but to cancel an upcoming event in Australia for Swisse vitamins who presumably already paid her like idiots. Of course, they should’ve known this was coming since yesterday morning when Kim couldn’t shut up about how she’s going to fulfill all her commitments in Australia no matter what. Case in point: If Kim Kardashian says she’s not going to shoot you in the face, you’re gonna die from being shot in face. Fox News reports:

In her first live TV interview since announcing the divorce, Kardashian told Australian morning show “Sunrise” that she was a professional who kept her word.
I really wanted to stick to my commitments to come out here,” she said. “I love our fan base out here. Of course I do really want some time to myself and it has been tough, but I didn’t wanna bail on everyone and, you know, skip out on this commitment.”

The official reason for Kim bailing is “very difficult personal challenges” because being married to someone for 72 days, 70 of which were spent not even sleeping together — okay, so they nailed that part, is almost exactly the same thing as breaking off an actual marriage filled with genuine love and human emotion. I know things that lasted longer than Kim’s marriage is a tired joke by now, but I’m already more attached to the McRib than she ever was to Kris Humphries. I had to book a grief counselor. “Limited time?” GODDAMN YOU!

Photos: Splash News


  1. TommyBoy

    I am a lawyer representing Sears and we are (as a team) writing a letter to Kris K. where we need to end the Sears – Kardashian clothing relationship. They have hit a new low (entire family) as viewed by “all of America” and we feel out contract has to be dissolved…. Thank you all for your time… Within a few days the media will be given a copy of the paperwork….. Your friends from Sears!!!!!!!

  2. Kim Kardashian Divorce Cancels Appearances Sydney
    Dude of Dudes
    Commented on this photo:

    Everyone lined up to get an autograph (to be Fair Khloe just “makes her mark” which looks like a chicken wing) should be shot. Now.

  3. rican

    Kim, and her mother, are confused because they can’t comprehend there is a world out there beyond their moronic fans that don’t buy their bullshit existence.

  4. rican

    That photo should be evidence of child endangerment/abuse.

  5. That little girl should be taken from her parents.

  6. Kim Kardashian Divorce Cancels Appearances Sydney
    Commented on this photo:

    yes but she can’t stick to her commitment of marriage.

  7. Kim Kardashian Divorce Cancels Appearances Sydney
    Commented on this photo:

    who has on more makeup?

  8. Look at all the dipshits with their camera phones. Hey, I just came up with a theory. I think digital cameras, especially on phones have a lot to do with the rise of these pointless celebs. Now that everyone can get pictures of them, they all want to collect them, as if it gives them some sort of personal value Maybe the Freakonomics guys can look into that. And then, maybe we can ban camera phones until this scourge passes.

  9. zomgbie

    she sounds really down.
    not getting enough urine i guess.

  10. Look at this pic ! This is the reason why dumb asses like this are famous. Look at all of the sheep adoring this no-talent waste of space. People bitch because KK keeps showing up in the news but look at the faces in the background. People are lost !

    • Michael

      The little girl standing next to Kim is pretty much par with today’s life, go fig. Look for her to be slutting it up in the next Little Miss Whore Pageant very soon on WE.

    • Archies_Leach

      Fat, ugly, vapid, and vacuous is no way to go through life.

  11. Archies_Leach

    There I am watching a totally good sitcom when during the break there’s some mention about “kim kardashian just said something. More on entertainment tonight” whereupon I’m wondering “who the fuck is this kim kardashian and why the fuck is she even mentioned in the media…..” I wonder what Oscars, what Emmy, what Tony, what Grammy, what Pulitzer, what Nobel prizes the COW has earned? I wonder what the COW has done AT ALL that the COW is even mentioned in the media…… whereupon I kick my television so hard that it’s destroyed…… then I realize that COW kimmy kardashian does impact me personally.

  12. eskra

    did anyone count how many times she said ‘you know’ in her little australia radio interview? gurl can’t talk!

  13. Jamie Lynn's Uterus

    If she is so upset, maybe she should just commit suicide. Do it Kim, do it!

  14. Kim Kardashian Divorce Cancels Appearances Sydney
    Commented on this photo:

    “Alright. I’ll make it out to Jay-la Leno. ‘Always follow your dreams. Heart, Kim’ “

  15. shoegal

    You live in a country with gorgeous weather and free health care and a robust economy and low levels of unemployment and you sort of want to do a nyeh nyeh to the rest of the world. And then Kim Kardashian comes to your country and half the population turns out to see her and it’s on the fucking news and shit and suddenly, America doesn’t look so bad anymore.

  16. Kim Kardashian Divorce Cancels Appearances Sydney
    Commented on this photo:

    You know how in Australia, everything is the opposite? It’s winter there when it’s summer here, the water goes down the drain in the other direction, like that? Apparently, this phenomenon extends to looks, because here it’s the ugly sister who idolizes Kim and the cute sister who loves Khloe.

  17. Kim Kardashian Divorce Cancels Appearances Sydney
    Commented on this photo:

    “And I love YOUR show, Lea. But you didn’t have to come all the way to Australia just for a picture and an autograph.”

  18. Kim Kardashian Divorce Cancels Appearances Sydney
    Commented on this photo:

    “Dumbledore left it to Kim. It’s the first Golden Snitch she shoved up her ass.”

  19. tlmck

    I saw that interview and believe she was telling the truth. She read every word off the cue cards somebody wrote for her.

  20. 777ltd

    maybe lamar will move her and chloe to utah and become polygamists. you know he wants to tap that a$$. then the queen ho kris jenner can sell the rights to HBO. she could have kylie kendall and rob be lamars fluffer so they can keep the scam going. all while the queens lesbian husband bruce applauds !

  21. Kim Kardashian Divorce Cancels Appearances Sydney
    Commented on this photo:

    Uh oh. If time-travelling baby Khloe runs into present-day Khloe, that could really disrupt the time-space continuum of Kim’s ass.

  22. Kim Kardashian Divorce Cancels Appearances Sydney
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn, and that guy were meant for each other….lol

  23. Kim Kardashian Divorce Cancels Appearances Sydney
    Commented on this photo:

    Look honey, cum-dumpsters! Don’t stand too close. Do you still have your Purell? Good girl. Now back away slowly.

  24. Mia

    Oh dear. How hard it must be to slut yourself out for 10 million for an appearance.

  25. Kim Kardashian Divorce Cancels Appearances Sydney
    Commented on this photo:

    Woo hoo thats my niece.

  26. Kim Kardashian Divorce Cancels Appearances Sydney
    Commented on this photo:

    oh my god. why cant I be with a girl with that butt.

  27. Kim Kardashian Divorce Cancels Appearances Sydney
    Commented on this photo:

    hi little girl. would you like to grow up just like me? it’s easy, just be fake and a surgical whore

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