“Wait. You’re wich ’cause a boy peed on you? — Keep the autogwaph.”
Kim Kardashian is so distraught over her divorce – “I barely even had time to do an evil laugh about all the money I scammed,” I like to believe she said. – that she had no choice but to cancel an upcoming event in Australia for Swisse vitamins who presumably already paid her like idiots. Of course, they should’ve known this was coming since yesterday morning when Kim couldn’t shut up about how she’s going to fulfill all her commitments in Australia no matter what. Case in point: If Kim Kardashian says she’s not going to shoot you in the face, you’re gonna die from being shot in face. Fox News reports:
In her first live TV interview since announcing the divorce, Kardashian told Australian morning show “Sunrise” that she was a professional who kept her word.
“I really wanted to stick to my commitments to come out here,” she said. “I love our fan base out here. Of course I do really want some time to myself and it has been tough, but I didn’t wanna bail on everyone and, you know, skip out on this commitment.”
The official reason for Kim bailing is “very difficult personal challenges” because being married to someone for 72 days, 70 of which were spent not even sleeping together — okay, so they nailed that part, is almost exactly the same thing as breaking off an actual marriage filled with genuine love and human emotion. I know things that lasted longer than Kim’s marriage is a tired joke by now, but I’m already more attached to the McRib than she ever was to Kris Humphries. I had to book a grief counselor. “Limited time?” GODDAMN YOU!
Photos: Splash News
I am a lawyer representing Sears and we are (as a team) writing a letter to Kris K. where we need to end the Sears – Kardashian clothing relationship. They have hit a new low (entire family) as viewed by “all of America” and we feel out contract has to be dissolved…. Thank you all for your time… Within a few days the media will be given a copy of the paperwork….. Your friends from Sears!!!!!!!
Hey, Perry Mason, I’m a Sears shareholder, get back to fucking work!
Any real lawyer wouldn’t be forecasting what their corporate client Sears is ABOUT to do.
Especially not HERE. (Sorry, Fish, but you know it’s true.)
Everyone lined up to get an autograph (to be Fair Khloe just “makes her mark” which looks like a chicken wing) should be shot. Now.
Kim, and her mother, are confused because they can’t comprehend there is a world out there beyond their moronic fans that don’t buy their bullshit existence.
Pure poetry, +1.
That photo should be evidence of child endangerment/abuse.
That little girl should be taken from her parents.
yes but she can’t stick to her commitment of marriage.
who has on more makeup?
the man grabbing kim
Look at all the dipshits with their camera phones. Hey, I just came up with a theory. I think digital cameras, especially on phones have a lot to do with the rise of these pointless celebs. Now that everyone can get pictures of them, they all want to collect them, as if it gives them some sort of personal value Maybe the Freakonomics guys can look into that. And then, maybe we can ban camera phones until this scourge passes.
she sounds really down.
not getting enough urine i guess.
Look at this pic ! This is the reason why dumb asses like this are famous. Look at all of the sheep adoring this no-talent waste of space. People bitch because KK keeps showing up in the news but look at the faces in the background. People are lost !
The little girl standing next to Kim is pretty much par with today’s life, go fig. Look for her to be slutting it up in the next Little Miss Whore Pageant very soon on WE.
Fat, ugly, vapid, and vacuous is no way to go through life.
There I am watching a totally good sitcom when during the break there’s some mention about “kim kardashian just said something. More on entertainment tonight” whereupon I’m wondering “who the fuck is this kim kardashian and why the fuck is she even mentioned in the media…..” I wonder what Oscars, what Emmy, what Tony, what Grammy, what Pulitzer, what Nobel prizes the COW has earned? I wonder what the COW has done AT ALL that the COW is even mentioned in the media…… whereupon I kick my television so hard that it’s destroyed…… then I realize that COW kimmy kardashian does impact me personally.
did anyone count how many times she said ‘you know’ in her little australia radio interview? gurl can’t talk!
If she is so upset, maybe she should just commit suicide. Do it Kim, do it!
“Alright. I’ll make it out to Jay-la Leno. ‘Always follow your dreams. Heart, Kim’ “
You live in a country with gorgeous weather and free health care and a robust economy and low levels of unemployment and you sort of want to do a nyeh nyeh to the rest of the world. And then Kim Kardashian comes to your country and half the population turns out to see her and it’s on the fucking news and shit and suddenly, America doesn’t look so bad anymore.
Plus, America has better, cheaper Internet.
You know how in Australia, everything is the opposite? It’s winter there when it’s summer here, the water goes down the drain in the other direction, like that? Apparently, this phenomenon extends to looks, because here it’s the ugly sister who idolizes Kim and the cute sister who loves Khloe.
“And I love YOUR show, Lea. But you didn’t have to come all the way to Australia just for a picture and an autograph.”
“Dumbledore left it to Kim. It’s the first Golden Snitch she shoved up her ass.”
I saw that interview and believe she was telling the truth. She read every word off the cue cards somebody wrote for her.
maybe lamar will move her and chloe to utah and become polygamists. you know he wants to tap that a$$. then the queen ho kris jenner can sell the rights to HBO. she could have kylie kendall and rob be lamars fluffer so they can keep the scam going. all while the queens lesbian husband bruce applauds !
Uh oh. If time-travelling baby Khloe runs into present-day Khloe, that could really disrupt the time-space continuum of Kim’s ass.
Damn, and that guy were meant for each other….lol
Look honey, cum-dumpsters! Don’t stand too close. Do you still have your Purell? Good girl. Now back away slowly.
Oh dear. How hard it must be to slut yourself out for 10 million for an appearance.
Woo hoo thats my niece.
BEST DAY OF OUR LIVES :)
Please give your full name and address so I can contact child services.
oh my god. why cant I be with a girl with that butt.
I did…..typo, and it still works….lol
NATURAL? she’s had as much work done as Joan Rivers. She just has a better doctor.
You never saw old pictures of her ? Rather ugly, I’d say, especially the huge Armenian beak. She doesn’t even look like the same person, for Christ’s sake.
Randal, if you believe she married that guy for love, than you are are even more stupid than Lindsay Lohan.
Oh please Randall hope you start using the brain god gave you instead of the head below your waist! Are honestly serious about her needing love and understanding support? Oh you are so gag worthy!
right? what parent lets their child even know who she is, let alone emulate her?
No kidding…what the hell is that parent thinking? “Here is a nice role model for you honey. How did she get famous you ask? Well, she put out a sex tape, sweetie, maybe someday you can do the samething and get famous too!” Sick, just fucking sick.
Yes he should! He made a huge mistake in parental guidance. One does not guide their daughter to follow in the footsteps of one who allows everyone to watch her getting it on with a lover for money, nor does a loving guiding father take his daughter to fawn over a liar, thief, and master manipulater. A loving father takes his daughter to see a woman she can emulate, a woman who will make her look classy not one who make her look like a hooker!
exactly.
I will, if you email or call the L.A. Sheriff Dept and slam them about Celebrity Justice.
no, i think she’s always been a fat slob.
21st century, that’s why.
Given the size of her ass, I’m surprised she herself hasn’t already gassed an entire crowd—
I’m sorry. This was beneath me.
Randal = severely closeted homosexual
Remember that *life story* A Million Little Pieces about a drug addict, that turned out to be total fiction? Even Oprah got her panties in a bunch because she had pushed the book so hard and believed every word. Well Kimmy, this is the same thing. You extracted money out of people based on total lies.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/celebrity/million-little-lies
Hope your ass gets sued until it’s inside-out.
heheh *High-five’s Jack!*
Oh god! I did an errant apostrophe! hahaha
I just epically failed myself. :D
Do you mean epicly? LOL
Are you using rechargeable batteries in your hearing aid, Forrest?
I still love that book, no matter what. I have read it probably 15 times over the years. (I re-read a lot of books that I love)
Tell me about that please I will write Sears and call the LA sheriff department!