Kim Kardashian Will Do ‘Whatever She Can’ To Get Near Beyoncé

May 15th, 2012 // 78 Comments
Not Ready For This Jelly
Kim Kardashian Kanye West
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And apparently “whatever she can” means hooking. That’s dedication.

Despite reports that Beyoncé wants Kanye West to keep Kim Kardashian the hell away from her, he’s inviting her to London anyway for his five-night Watch The Throne performance with Jay-Z. And just like Kris Jenner taught her, Kim’s immediately trying to calculate how many penises she has to put in her to get close to Beyoncé even if it results in an unwanted pregnancy. She can always trick Kanye into thinking it’s his. “Baby, Matt Lauer made our child look like a Sasquatch…” NY Daily News reports:

What will be interesting to watch is whether Kardashian can bridge the bigger-than-the-Atlantic image gap that exists between her and blue-chip Beyoncé.
While photos of Beyoncé wearing a show-stopping Givenchy dress to the Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art were splashed all over the media, Radar Online reported that Vogue editor Anna Wintour — who keeps a tight rein on the guest list — banned Kardashian from the party. (West attended solo.)
No wonder our source says the 31-year-old Kardashian would “live and breathe to hang out with Beyoncé.”

And what story wouldn’t be complete without a mammoth Kardashian lie?

Kardashian’s spokeswoman told us that Kim has had the London trip “on her calendar since last year” to promote her perfume and do press.
“It’s a coincidence that the concerts are at the same time,” she says.

Jesus. I like how Kim Kardashian can’t just say, “Kanye invited me,” because it’s not like anyone’s going to think it’s suspicious he wants anal on the plane. But now this seems even more shady, so I think it’s safe to assume that Kim is going to murder Beyoncé and try to wear her skin as a coat. I’d recommend live ammo if I was her security, but that’s just me and my natural instinct to not leave infants’ without a mother. Their call.

h/t @BlackManUSA

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet


  1. Kim Kardashian Nipple Short Hair Cleavage Kanye West Photoshoot
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  2. Kim Kardashian Nipple Short Hair Cleavage Kanye West Photoshoot
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  3. Mars

    I commanding comments n socia sites such as this make r relevant. I WISH SHE WOULD JUST GO AWAY. It is hilarious she wants to be in the upper crust of hollywood and they make it a point to deny her the entrance. What type of ego does that family have, so they think they are the Lohans!?

  4. The Royal Penis

    What the fuck kind of troll is that standing next to the somewhat attractive thunder thighed black women?

  5. Kim Kardashian Nipple Short Hair Cleavage Kanye West Photoshoot
    Commented on this photo:

    muthafucking mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

  6. Ghostofmonsterthighs

    Jesus, she’s a monster and a liar. On a good day she’s a size 10 -12. Look at the stylist next to her, she’s a size 6 easy. Kim is far bigger. Why lie about it, you are as close to a big model as you can get without being labeled that. She’s 4’10″ and weights 140lbs, that’s not a size 2! Short, squat, she beast. What normal, healthy woman in her thirties wants to dress up like her mother. If her physical problems weren’t bad enough, this photoshoot proves she has severe mental issues. Kanye, was this the best you could do?

  7. Kim Kardashian Nipple Short Hair Cleavage Kanye West Photoshoot
    Kim K's future
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim K got heeeeeellllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaa ass in a skirt

  8. lilgrandma

    all i can say is that kim is a DONKEY C^NT n kanye is a DONKEY D(CK!!! and kanye is a ass n kim a ho so that makes them a ASSHO’s!!!kim ,kris n bruce look all the same LOL!!gyess same doctor they are soo ulgy n nasty now!!Beyonce get the hell away fr the dog in heat!jay-z will be next to piss on her!!B u got too much class n respect to hang with her!kim is in love AGAIN!!!bet not for long!!!hope she having his baby so she n her mom can take his money!!!that’s the only way she will stay in the spotlight by having his baby u DUMBASS kanye!!! I rather be call a fat cunt than a DONKEY CUNT like kim LOL!!Oh forgot her sisiters are the MONKEYS SLUTS!!!!!And STOP the baby whining SLUTS!And thank you KRIS.H for letting us know how kim feels about her fans!!she dogs her fans and her fans will open their eyes soon!!!and u will be a NOBODY kim!Go choke on kanye tongue!!!!!

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