Kim Kardashian Will Do ‘Whatever She Can’ To Get Near Beyoncé

And apparently “whatever she can” means hooking. That’s dedication.

Despite reports that Beyoncé wants Kanye West to keep Kim Kardashian the hell away from her, he’s inviting her to London anyway for his five-night Watch The Throne performance with Jay-Z. And just like Kris Jenner taught her, Kim’s immediately trying to calculate how many penises she has to put in her to get close to Beyoncé even if it results in an unwanted pregnancy. She can always trick Kanye into thinking it’s his. “Baby, Matt Lauer made our child look like a Sasquatch…” NY Daily News reports:

What will be interesting to watch is whether Kardashian can bridge the bigger-than-the-Atlantic image gap that exists between her and blue-chip Beyoncé.
While photos of Beyoncé wearing a show-stopping Givenchy dress to the Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art were splashed all over the media, Radar Online reported that Vogue editor Anna Wintour — who keeps a tight rein on the guest list — banned Kardashian from the party. (West attended solo.)
No wonder our source says the 31-year-old Kardashian would “live and breathe to hang out with Beyoncé.”

And what story wouldn’t be complete without a mammoth Kardashian lie?

Kardashian’s spokeswoman told us that Kim has had the London trip “on her calendar since last year” to promote her perfume and do press.
“It’s a coincidence that the concerts are at the same time,” she says.

Jesus. I like how Kim Kardashian can’t just say, “Kanye invited me,” because it’s not like anyone’s going to think it’s suspicious he wants anal on the plane. But now this seems even more shady, so I think it’s safe to assume that Kim is going to murder Beyoncé and try to wear her skin as a coat. I’d recommend live ammo if I was her security, but that’s just me and my natural instinct to not leave infants’ without a mother. Their call.

h/t @BlackManUSA

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet