Kim Kardashian’s Baby Was So Early She Didn’t Have A Name Ready Is The Latest Horseshit

June 18th, 2013 // 49 Comments
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Kim Kardashian‘s baby was born three days ago, yet the child’s name still hasn’t graced our ears because look at all this suspense. Except if you ask a Kardashian, it’s because it was a miracle delivery from the baby arriving early (It didn’t.), and Kim didn’t have a name picked out yet. People reports:

“She was admitted with medical complications and her doctor made the decision that her baby needed to be delivered. Kim had a natural birth,” the source says. “If Kim would have had very serious complications, her doctor would have decided to do an emergency c-section instead.”
As for the baby girl’s name, Kardashian, 32, has mentioned in the past that it will likely begin with a ‘K,’ but so far, she and West, 36, remain undecided, although a second source tells PEOPLE that they are close to a final decision.

Oh, good. For a minute there I thought Kris Jenner was standing in front of a crystal ball trying to divine the most opportune news cycle to announce her granddaughter’s name, but this makes more sense. What new parents don’t love passing around their nameless first-born to friends and family? “Somebody hold this thing,” should always the be the first words a child hears. (We’re talking about making sure it does porn, right?)

Photos: INFdaily

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  1. Jazzy Jeff

    I heard the baby’s name is Kunt.

  2. JennywithaY

    To be fair, I’d imagine that discussing baby names with the baby daddy when he’s, you know, off banging other people.

    Just name the baby Kash Kow and be done with it.

  3. Kel

    She’s waiting until after the royal baby is born so she can put the attention back on her baby.

  4. Kel

    If these photos are any indication, the name will be Kankles.

  5. anonymous

    Well in her defense Anti-Christ doesn’t start with a “K” neither do a lot of other names Satan goes by.

  6. Baby just happened to come fives weeks or so early. The “Human Sofa” wouldn’t be so low as to induce labor just because she’s starting to moo, would she?

    And exactly where is Yeasty right now?

  7. Kow Kunt ?
    Kanye’s Mistake?
    Quim Kardashian ?

  8. They’re waiting for People Magazine to come up with the $15 million bid for the baby pictures, so they can bundle in an exclusive on the name release with the pictures.

  9. Wait until Kanye has oral sex with Lil’ Kimmie in a few weeks and his head falls into her vagina up to his shoulders. Wish I could witness that moment . . . Oh wait, it will be filmed for the reality show.

    • Jazzy Jeff

      Black men don’t usually go “downtown” and gay black men definitely don’t.

      Motherfucking gay fish.

    • Billy Rubin

      Kanye prefers the backdoor with either recipient sex,i.e., he like to go for the anal canal

      • Mike Hunt

        Probably in his intense enthusiasm, it slipped into the ” girl hole ” and ergo , a pregnant Kim . Shoulda steadied your aim and stayed with the ” boy hole “

  10. Cock Dr

    Yes the baby was early because her medical complication was “getting too goddamned big”. Team Kardashian decided that things had to be wound up fast before she grew too large to ambulate through the hospital. I’m sure the embarrassment factor to the klan was also considered.
    It’s as if she grew bigger than a domestic cow. Have you ever stood right next to a domestic cow? Those things are big.
    MOO

  11. If it is “Kaidence Donda West”, then it’s no coincidence this is the same passage read from the Necronomicon, in order to summon Cthulhu.

  12. I’m taking my lead from Mr. West. They should name it “Killself”.

  13. I bet it’s not the news cycle, I bet they’re trying to cook up a name that can be trademarked for commercial use, like Pat Riley did with “threepeat.” If the name ends up being something “unique,” that’ll be the reason.

  14. What this family needs is another OJ trial to redeem its good name.

  15. ::::Drum Roll::::Kaidence Donda West

  16. So what is the motivation to fake a 5 week early delivery?

    There’s just no reason for it. The only way it would make sense would be if they wanted to build artificial drama to sell the birth coverage to a network reality TV show…oh, right.

  17. Shep

    Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!

  18. Unless Kim was too self-centered and only focusing on her ridiculous pregnancy outfits – she has a name picked out.
    I’m due 10/2 & have had a name picked for a month!

  19. Bane

    Other news sites are saying they named her Kaidence.

  20. Kim Kardashian Fat Feet Heels Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    Cankles with muffin tops?

  21. sitsdeep

    KantrashiKan?

  22. emileee

    im sure she paid that fuckin doctor extra money to induce her at 35 weeks cause of her appearance.. the was i see it.. suck it up bitch… PREGNANCY AINT CUTE. YOU SHOULDVE KNOWN THAT.

  23. Kim Kardashian Fat Feet Heels Pregnant
    Kuro
    Commented on this photo:

    If the doctor decided it was time to have the birth, then it wasn’t a “natural birth”.

    • manda

      Natural has come to be used for when the birth is vaginal, not c/s. I doubt it was an unmedicated birth. She probably had preterm labor due to a uti and they just augmented it as she had an early section scheduled. If they don’t air the birth then I’ll assume they lied and it was really a section with tummy tuck.

  24. lawn

    No worry about a C-section, she could birth Shaq thru those hips of hers.

  25. mermaid

    Konstance, Komfort, Kable, Kumbucket… list goes on & on folks

  26. Just in case sometime in the relatively near future the Kardashian Klan fades off into the sunset, give the child a leg-up on an independent future. Name her: Kitchen Kleanup.

  27. Kim Kardashian Fat Feet Heels Pregnant
    lola
    Commented on this photo:

    The general public (yes, you, preeclampsia guys) is so poorly educated in medicine I want to put a bomb in the Medscape quarters.

  28. Kunta Kinte “Kunt” Kardashian.

  29. SssssHhhhh

    “kluster fuck and of course kredit card”that’s all this kid will be in her ever so non significant useless life…

  30. Kankles

    Northerly West. I call it.

  31. I assume that since the baby is black, it will have an apostrophe in the name, probably somewhere it makes no sense.

  32. bitchplease

    Why do you pretend to hate this chick when she pays you how much money to give her constant press??

  33. Guest

    I always thought she fibbed the due date since the real date wouldn’t match up with her Miami spinoff show timeline.I admit it I did catch a few episodes of it and there was many conversations of her thoughts on being pregnant or related to that. If her due date was 5 weeks earliar than she claimed, she would have came off as a b.s liar and the show is scripted and heavily edited( I know we all already know that) However, the kardashian camp still tries to claim their shows are not. Just a thought.

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