Kiefer Sutherland bends the law to his will

Kiefer Sutherland will not face charges for drunkenly headbutting fashion designer Jack McCullough, according to the AP:

The Manhattan district attorney’s spokeswoman said Tuesday that misdemeanor assault charges against the actor are being dropped because the alleged victim wouldn’t cooperate with prosecutors.

Jesus. Leave it to Kiefer Sutherland to prove that drowning yourself in whiskey really does make you above the law. Which, coincidentally, means the leprechaun who tells me to drink every morning was right. I’m sorry I doubted you, Mr. TinyShoes. Here’s an M&M. What’s that? The ones at the bar are more delicious? — Get your coat.

Photos: Getty