Kiefer Sutherland was arrested for suspicion of DUI last night. He was stopped for making an illegal U-turn and failed a breathalyzer test. This is the actor’s second DUI since 2004, and he could face jail time, according to TMZ:
In November, 2004, Kiefer was popped for driving with a .22 blood alcohol level, and plead no contest to drunk driving. He was placed on 5 years probation. That means if he’s convicted on this morning’s DUI, he will have violated his probation.
Now here’s where the news gets worse: Guess who the judge was in the 2004 case? That would be Judge Michael Sauer, the guy who threw the book at Paris Hilton for violating her probation.
Alright, Kiefer, buddy, it’s cool. I know how to keep you out of jail. You need to get knocked up. Yep, that’s right. You need to put a bun in that oven. I don’t want to know how, just make it happen. I guarantee you’ll be in prison for no more than 80 minutes. They won’t even lock the cell. So, get cracking, Jack Bauer. I’ve seen you disarm a bomb with your teeth. Defying the basic laws of nature should be a piece of cake. I should say a piece of lactating cake with severe mood swings, but you catch my drift.