Kiefer Sutherland was arrested for suspicion of DUI last night. He was stopped for making an illegal U-turn and failed a breathalyzer test. This is the actor’s second DUI since 2004, and he could face jail time, according to TMZ:
In November, 2004, Kiefer was popped for driving with a .22 blood alcohol level, and plead no contest to drunk driving. He was placed on 5 years probation. That means if he’s convicted on this morning’s DUI, he will have violated his probation.
Now here’s where the news gets worse: Guess who the judge was in the 2004 case? That would be Judge Michael Sauer, the guy who threw the book at Paris Hilton for violating her probation.
Alright, Kiefer, buddy, it’s cool. I know how to keep you out of jail. You need to get knocked up. Yep, that’s right. You need to put a bun in that oven. I don’t want to know how, just make it happen. I guarantee you’ll be in prison for no more than 80 minutes. They won’t even lock the cell. So, get cracking, Jack Bauer. I’ve seen you disarm a bomb with your teeth. Defying the basic laws of nature should be a piece of cake. I should say a piece of lactating cake with severe mood swings, but you catch my drift.
Jimbo | September 25, 2007 at 5:12 pm
FIRST!
Ted from LA | September 25, 2007 at 5:14 pm
You tell me never jumped on a Christmas Tree while drunk and I’m going to call bullshit.
Liv | September 25, 2007 at 5:15 pm
How very naughty…
z | September 25, 2007 at 5:16 pm
WHOA, no way. I never heard of anyone getting a DUI.
I heard this story a few hours ago, and I expected it to be on here, but it took awhile. Great at your job, eh fish?
miggs | September 25, 2007 at 5:17 pm
He doesn’t look more masculine than Sarah Jessica Parker, and she had a pony. A kid, I mean. Or…whatever.
KC | September 25, 2007 at 5:20 pm
No prison can hold Jack Bauer.
pointandlaugh | September 25, 2007 at 5:20 pm
NOOOOOOO! NOT JACK BAUER! ok ok……let’s think this out…..if he can get Chloe to download the specs to the courthouse to Jack’s PDA, he can have a tac team waiting there to create a diversion while he puts a sleeper hold on the bailiff, and runs away!
WOOOO problem solved!
Jimbo | September 25, 2007 at 5:33 pm
@1 Thanks troll That is twice today.
Didn’t this happen like two days ago???
wedgeone | September 25, 2007 at 5:34 pm
Wow. He went for that tree like a female commenter who just saw a “free donuts” sign.
Ted from LA | September 25, 2007 at 5:36 pm
I’d love to be a fly on the wall Christmas morning at the Sutherland home.
Keifer’s wife: Kids line up. Daddy’s got a big surprise for you.
Keifer’s kids: Yeaaaaah!!! Is it a pony? Sara Jessica Parker?
Enter Keifer in his underware: Belch.
Keifer then chugs his brandy and tackles the Christmas tree. Keifer’s kids run screaming and crying to their bedrooms.
Later that day at the mall…
Keifer’s kids screaming: Daddy, don’t punch Santa Claus! He wasn’t looking at mommy.
Mystery Method | September 25, 2007 at 5:36 pm
He’s only got 24 hours! He had to make the illegal u-turn! No time for obeying silly laws.
Zing! | September 25, 2007 at 5:37 pm
He went after that tree like a black man after a fat white chick.
Jimbo | September 25, 2007 at 5:42 pm
He went for that tree like FRIST after seeing a baggie of china white.
FRIST!!! | September 25, 2007 at 5:45 pm
#13 That’s right Jimbo’s Troll, you know me so well.
#6 That was fuckin funny
lambman | September 25, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Is this better or worse than the time he got drunk and tried to fight a Christmas tree?
FRIST!!! | September 25, 2007 at 5:48 pm
I win, mine was .24
FRIST!!!'s daughter | September 25, 2007 at 5:59 pm
Mommy that’s nothing to be bragging about. I’m so ashamed of you.
FRIST!!! | September 25, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Fuck off 17, of course I brag about it. It’s very impressive. What can YOU do?
That’s right, nothing but be a dirty little troll……
Riotboy | September 25, 2007 at 6:32 pm
5:30.23….5:30.24….5:30.25
/obscure
cookie monsta | September 25, 2007 at 6:35 pm
jeez, anything that keeps him outta the tv studio has GOTTA be good !!
CelebrityFed | September 25, 2007 at 6:42 pm
saying FIRST is f*ing lame…..
PWNED!
isitin | September 25, 2007 at 6:46 pm
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
isitin | September 25, 2007 at 6:53 pm
When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
Jimbo | September 25, 2007 at 7:02 pm
He’s innocent, they just pickin’ on him ’cause he’s white!
Now, if you’ll excuse us, TT and I are going to pleasure eachother while watching Jack Bauer. Hop you don’t mind us staying connected to this page while we do our thing. It’s almost like having our friends watch!
teehee
ta ta
PunkA | September 25, 2007 at 7:07 pm
CTU will write him a note and he will have the President pardon him. The dude can not lose!!!!!!!
Michael Brown | September 25, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Who’s tougher – Jack Bauer or Chuck Norris? Chuck can kick you with both legs tied behind is back but Jack can kill you with a one liner.
Bump Gossip | September 25, 2007 at 7:30 pm
If the judge has a sense of humor he’ll sentence him to 24 days in jail. Ermmm ok, maybe not.
isitin | September 25, 2007 at 8:11 pm
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
isitin | September 25, 2007 at 8:16 pm
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
LadyJane | September 25, 2007 at 8:37 pm
I like the fact that Keifer sounds like Queefer.
Ted from LA | September 25, 2007 at 8:59 pm
Jimbo, is it true that you date both men and women? Let’s hook up!
TS | September 25, 2007 at 9:22 pm
Jimbo (the real one) We know you wouldn’t write in “first.” That troll is a retard.
Ted from LA | September 25, 2007 at 9:54 pm
I have my first troll!!!!!!!! Thank you #31!
I’d like to thank all of the people who were willing to “LOL” at some of my posts. I’d like to thank my mother, who was always there for me. And my father, may he rest in peace. And most of all, I’d like to thank the Fishes (is that grammatically incorrect) of the world for giving me this forum to waste large segments of my day commenting on people I don’t know anything about nor care about in the least bit. All for that special moment when some obscure stranger says, “LOL Ted,” or “Ted, you’re funny as fuck.” (sniff, sniff).
Lastly, I once got in a fight with an Easter basket and kicked his ass. In your face Keifer Christmas tree ass kicker.
MassGrrl | September 25, 2007 at 9:55 pm
At least this time, he’ll be in an *American* prison.
JaneaneTheAcerbicGoblin | September 25, 2007 at 10:37 pm
Oh, shit, as if 24 didn’t have enough fucking problems. It’s been delayed twice for “creative problems”, and now Keifer is fucking drunk again. AGGAHH!!!!
John | September 25, 2007 at 10:38 pm
Wanna see his profile? where he come from ? now here’s the answer http://celebpro.blogspot.com/search/label/Kiefer%20Sutherland
Ted from LA | September 25, 2007 at 10:46 pm
#33
Why in the hell are you trolling me? Did I insult you or something? Are you really krazyhottkellie?
Use your own nym and stop trying to be me.
tommy salami | September 25, 2007 at 11:06 pm
i heard the cops were tipped off by…………… julia roberts.the talentless whore who jilted poor keifer at the aisle……….
i hope something really bad happens to her and fuck it ,i hope eric roberts bites it too
tommy salami | September 25, 2007 at 11:07 pm
and fuck lyle lovette also
tommy salami | September 25, 2007 at 11:10 pm
i hope his dad donald can pull some fucking strings and get him out…… or i hope dad still has ”invasion of the body snatchers” money tucked away to bail out his son
Ted from LA | September 25, 2007 at 11:10 pm
You win #37. I have no idea what the hell would motivate someone to take on someone elses personality, buy you are obviously so motivated. You did me a favor. I have grown less comfortable with this site lately. Have any of you ever thought about the possibility that these young girls you write about might actually read this shit. I have made back-handed jokes, but that is all I meant them to be. I do not know any of these people personally, but I can’t believe that this Brit feeding frenzy isn’t doing her harm. I am out. Veggi, if you are a woman, I love you. If you’re a man, I like you. Good luck. My only advice to all of you is try to be funnier and less hurtful. Fish, find more “funny” pictures about more people. Focusing on everytime a person takes a piss is in bad form. Any other “Ted from LA” posts are not from me. I might come back someday under a different name. See if you can figure out when it is me. I am the “Ted from LA” up until #31 and 37 on this page. My SJP jokes today were aimed at an older woman (which means she can take the joke), and I prefaced them by saying she was lovely. Bottom line, I think a lot of the anonymous computer slams is unhealthy for society as a whole. Would you say the same thing face-to-face? If not, don’t post it. So long everybody. You’ve been a great audience. I’ve been to a lot towns in a lot of states and all around the world, but YOU GUYS are the best. Remember to tip your waitresses. Smoking shows will be at 9:45 PM and non-smoking shows at a quarter to 10 PM.
Discuss Beauty | September 25, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Celebrities seem to be able to get away with anything, and the only thing they seem to get is a slap on the hand – this includes K. Sutherland.
(Come visit http://www.discuss-beauty.blogspot.com)
Ted from LA, Jrz mommy, jimbo, veggi, OR NOT | September 25, 2007 at 11:58 pm
OH MY GOD WHO ARE THE TROLLS AND WHO IS REAL??? I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE………….
MIREYA | September 26, 2007 at 3:26 am
jack bauer makes onions cry
sirob | September 26, 2007 at 5:57 am
man he saved all those ppl for countless times and now he’s not allowed to be drunk to get over that shit; woah.. Something is definitely wrong here, he’s not lindsay lohan as far as I know nor he is britney spears… so wtf there are some real dipshit paris like ppl out there, go get them!
yukadoozer | September 26, 2007 at 6:11 am
Look at that pasty, bloated red face-his next season will be in rehab.
Edan | September 26, 2007 at 8:41 am
This is an old video. But I friggin love it.
He self-describes as a functioning alcoholic. At least he doesn’t live in the Lilo camp of denial.
God, he’s so friggin hot. I would let him call me anything he wants.
Jack Bauer's actual girlfriend | September 26, 2007 at 9:34 am
There’s nooooo way they can keep Jack Bauer in jail for more than like… 12 minutes. He will surely escape… leaving a trail of dead on his way out.
jrzmommy | September 26, 2007 at 10:00 am
yeah…..I’ll just file this one under “DUH…NO SHIT.”
havoc | September 26, 2007 at 11:13 am
They keep fucking with Keifer and he’s going to go all Lost Boys on their ass…..
.