Kiefer Sutherland Loves Drinking So Much He Wants To Marry It

When most celebrities sit down with PEOPLE magazine to promote their projects, they usually say a bunch of boring, vanilla shit because it’s PEOPLE magazine. Kiefer Sutherland, on the other hand, would like everyone to know that he’s going to drink forever.

Asked about the notion of quitting alcohol, Sutherland said he “enjoy[s] the times too much, and the memories.” He added, “I have, at times, for stretches of time. But at some point, I’ve made a decision, right or wrong, for myself that I would rather work really hard so I could still have some of those times. Than to just simply stop. That’s a choice I’ve made and I live with that choice.”

Keep in mind, this was while being interviewed about his new song “Can’t Stay Away,” which everyone thought was about a woman, but nope, it’s about booze. Kiefer Sutherland wrote a love song about booze. I’m not even joking.

Here’s the part where I should probably say something about the seriousness of alcoholism, but we all know why we’re here:

Haha! Being a pirate does explain everything.

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