UPDATE: Khloe Kardashian’s publicist probably just shat a cow

July 21st, 2008 // 81 Comments

If Khloe Kardashian has a publicist, and we live in a cruel enough world for that to be true, he/she no doubt had a coronary after Khloe decided to talk to Ryan Seacrest about her excruciating three hours dealing with the legal system. Khloe cited the four year anniversary of the death her father, O.J. Simpson lawyer Robert Kardashian, as the reason for her drinking that led to the DUI arrest. Only to say he’s still looking out for her and pulling heavenly strings to keep her out of jail. Ha ha ha I want these people to get the Ebola virus. E! News reports:

“As soon as I got to Lynwood, there were three bomb threats…The warden came down to talk to me, and he was saying, ‘You’re the one causing all the problems here.’ And I’m like, ‘Ugh, I don’t need any more problems.’ And he’s like, ‘There’s all these bomb threats, and we’re thinking it’s for you.’
“But because of all these things, it’s a blessing, and I was actually released early because I was a threat to the prison.”
That, and, the correctional facility would no doubt like it pointed out, because of the perpetual overcrowding of the jail system. Still, Kardashian’s brief sojourn to the pokey paid off in sheer lessons learned.
“Honestly, I would never do it again…It’s just not worth it…It’s so much time.”

It’s so much time? THREE FUCKING HOURS?! Seriously, you sat and watched Batman which was just 30 minutes shy of the time you spent in jail. It’s moments like this I wish elephant hunting wasn’t illegal. Then again the odds of me going to jail are apparently slim. Somebody fetch my rifle and ivory saw. I don’t see any tusks in this photograph, but that could be from all the jowl.

UPDATE: TMZ just pissed in Khloe’s corn flakes: She cites the anniversary of her father’s death as the reason for her DUI when arrested on March 4. Except Robert Kardashian died on September 30. FTW? I almost felt bad about equating Khloe with a pachyderm. Now I wish I went with sperm whale. Next time, Khloe. Next time…

superficial

  1. lamby the tard

    You lost me lamby that was obviously something you experienced in life. Sounded like mindless banter to me from a bad movie.

    What a weird fuckin come back, you really are a tard. Shes a fuckin fatty look at the pics, you have no argument.

    You are defending a fat nobody like she is your bitch. You are quite fuckin delusional. Anyway its impossible to understand a delusional fatty lover. I think thats the real lesson here, take it to springer fanboy. Have a nice day tard boy, the more you talk the more you prove my point.

  2. Lamby

    #51 – Next time I’ll just say “fuck fuck tard fuck fuck bitch fat tard.” so you’ll understand me genius.

  3. lamby got schooled son

    LOL Funny stuff. Chasing a no talent fatty, it does not get much lower than that. Dude asked you a direct question. Explain “Fat High Class Whores?” You ducked and dodged that question like you where in a boxing ring. From a outside perspective I would love to here someone explain that phrase.

  4. lamby the tard

    LMAO!! Keep it up! You are doing great! Funny stuff #53 that was the idea explain an insane comment. Then he went off on special ed, something about school. Hell next he will start reading the bible to us, anything to dodge a direct question it seems.
    I had no idea the fat sister had a fanboy though, she will be stoked if she reads this, finally a fan who understands her, understands its not her fault she is big as a house, understands its hard being the ugly sister. Finally someone who understands Khloe, bravo good man, bravo.

  5. Lamby

    #53 – Where did I say “Fat High Class Whores?”

  6. Lamby

    I’m actually a girl. And no I’m not fat . Although I’m sure you will try to call me that. Or a dyke.

  7. uh lamby dude?

    Whoa man someone needs to lay off the comments. Every single comment you made has a #43 #53 #21 etc. Sounds like you just want to try to pick fights with people over the internet. Pretty fucking sad if you ask me. We get it dude you love the big girls. Just stop with the fucking troll posting, man you are a weirdo. Get a life and get off the blogs. She does not know you, nor does she care about you, you are defending nothing. She is fat. Its a fact. Not an argument dumb shit. Anyway thats my one and only post on this Lamby idiot. Trolls get old, go outside if you want to pick a fight pussy, get off the internet.

  8. sara22

    Good time to get off work, look at these funny posts. Lamby is a girl? I am a girl and I do not know girls who talk like that. I get the trying to fight with everyone thing thats definitely a chickenhead move but arguing that a fat chic is not fat? Uh chicken there are pictures on the top of the page, scroll up sweety and take a long look, its a fact not a argument as was stated to you many many times. You are a blog troll it looks like.

  9. skeez masterson

    i’m happy they’re letting her out, they were about to raise taxes to suffice her appetite

  10. Lamby

    a blog troll on payroll.

    peace.

  11. 10pound

    Fucking cunt. I caught a DUI back in February. Shit still isn’t adjudicated but I have complied with everything they have asked me to do which will probably include a 2 day stint in county. Guaranteed I do every minute too. Fucking bullshit this cow gets off like that. I hope she loses all of her cheeseburger shoveling limbs in a hot grease accident. Go bobbing for donuts, ya fat chewbacca looking dumpster of a human.

  12. lamby=not on payroll, lmao

    Hey chickenhead if your dumb goofy ass is on payroll then I am the president. Sure blogs can be run by any kid these days but its hard to believe someone as stupid as you would be associated with semi interesting bloggers.

    I just went through and read all that bullshit you said all day.

    You are one dumb fuckin chickenhead. You argued with so many people that a fat fucking whore was not “that fat”. Now why the hell would a normal non ugly non fat chic care about a “not that fat” whore. Its obvious you must look like her, have something similar for you to latch on to her like a leech. It just does not make sense why you would try to argue that, shes fuckin fat, if you are her size you are also FAT. FAT IS FAT. There is no “Not that fat” dumb ass. Ask howard fucking stern. The most honored celebrity interviewer of all time and of course kick ass hosting for the station. If she is over 125 boom shes a fatty. If you Lameby are over 125 guess what you are fucking fat, there is no god damn argument you need to lose some pounds to be attractive.

    As for you being on payroll I highly doubt that shit chickenhead so I will challenge you. On the main page add a small line that just says “Yes fat ass Lameby is on payroll, believe it or not’ or whatever phrase with your name in it and saying you are on payroll. Why would I ask for this challenge? To know if the admins of the blog are really that fucking stupid to be associated with your dumb ass or to prove that you are in fact just a dumb ass blog troll “ACTING” like you know people.

    Anyway do not punk out chickenhead, on the front fucking page. Do it! Put your big ass mouth to the test. Of course you will fail, no one respects a dumb ass hoe.

  13. she was always my favorite

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  14. she was always my favorite

    check out my blog
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  15. Karma

    1) What a cow…I can’t believe that she would use her father’s death as a fake excuse…she literally just spat on the memory of her father….HORRID!

    2) Guranteed some poor kid from a ghetto in trouble for a DUI is not getting out of there after 30 minutes. What’s the point of spending all the time and money processing them if you’re going to let them out in under 3 hours?

  16. Nashvegas

    Everyones also overlooking the fact that Ryan Secrest INTERVIEWED this fucking sow…..its people like HIM that keep these vapid, non-famous people “famous”. Being the fattest daughter of a lawyer for a murdering former football star makes you FAMOUS nowadays? Secrest is the Antichrist.

  17. Lamby

    If I really was on payroll, wouldn’t I be defeating the purpose by announcing I was on payroll?

    Someone else said I was on payroll and someone else said I was a troll. I was being sarcastic.

    I didn’t know that saying Khloe Kardashian wasn’t that big was such an insult to you and Howard Stern. Its obviously a sore spot. I’ll leave it at that.

  18. Cattyluo

    Her dress is fashionable.Her photos with her lawyer were found on the site “”Millionaire4me.com”"It is said her lawyer still help her,more details were said on this site.

  19. Cattyluo

    Her dress is fashionable.Her photos with her lawyer were found on the site “”Millionaire4me.com”"It is said her lawyer still help her,more details were said on this site.

  20. awwwwww

    Lamby: If I really was on payroll, wouldn’t I be defeating the purpose by announcing I was on payroll?
    Most chickenheads love to flaunt a fake ass status of power so no its just you being a dumb ass and getting caught up in your web of lies.

    Lamby: Someone else said I was on payroll and someone else said I was a troll. I was being sarcastic.
    You are a troll that is a fact, no reason to add fact with fiction.

    Lamby: I didn’t know that saying Khloe Kardashian wasn’t that big was such an insult to you and Howard Stern. Its obviously a sore spot. I’ll leave it at that.
    I have been straight up insulting you, hell a lot of people today insulted the shit out of you chickenhead YOU not Khloe. Khloe is fat, its a fact not a insult. Pointed out a fact Howard Stern went on for years about what qualifies as fat, no idea how you could insult him. The only sore spot should be that big fat ass of yours because we got all up in it today. Chickenhead you got reamed the fuck out, you got crushed in every single argument you made. You only succeeded by proving how fucking stupid you are.

    Remember. “Of course you will fail, no one respects a dumb ass hoe.”
    This will apply to your entire pathetic life chickenhead.

    Point blank you are just another retarded stupid hoe who tried to stick up for a fellow fatty. Completely owned Lambytard. Completely and utterly fucking owned.

  21. justifiable

    The only way she’s “a threat to the prison system” is mealtime when she’s in line at the cafeteria.

  22. Danklin24

    Khloe Khloe Khloe, you just proved you’re even dumber than your fucktard of a sister. You wouldnt do it again because it took too much time? Im sure all the families of victims that died as a result of some asshole driving drunk would love to hear that. You are in fact one of said assholes. It’s a crying shame that “jail” took time away from you sitting on your fat ass molesting a bag of cheetoes with your gigantic man hands. Life must be tough.

  23. Omnibacon

    It’s too bad her father isn’t still alive ,although I hear it’s nice in the special part of hell roped off for slimy defense attorneys.

    I’m sure he would be proud of the classy, demure women his daughters have become.

  24. A plate of french fries? FAT.

  25. Batman

    I love this site!!! The question I would ask tho is how they could make room for me back in ’92 for DWI and probably could today, but they can only hold this biach for 3 hours? I really hope the had to pony up some major bucks for that to happen.

  26. Batman

    I really hope THEY

  27. Winsome

    KK gets a DUI and “suffers” through 3 hours of jail time- I got a DUI and lost my license for a year and a half, went to DRUNK SCHOOL and AA…

    There is no justice.

  28. verbatim

    SHE was a threat to the JAIL? Yeah, in so much as they’d go blind from her severe hideousness and deaf from her temper tantrums! She’s just downright FUGLY in appearance and as a person.

  29. Sash

    She needs to lose weight. There are people like Kim who are lucky enough to have most of their fat go to their boobs and butt and then there are people like Khloe who gain all over and look disgusting. She prolly needs to lose like 20 pounds and she’ll look a lot better. It can be possible in about month if you work hard.

  30. Zoe

    79. Sash;

    …..Try 40pounds!

  31. JN

    It warms my heart to see you goons so upset over other peoples lives. LOL

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