UPDATE: Khloe Kardashian’s publicist probably just shat a cow

July 21st, 2008 // 81 Comments

If Khloe Kardashian has a publicist, and we live in a cruel enough world for that to be true, he/she no doubt had a coronary after Khloe decided to talk to Ryan Seacrest about her excruciating three hours dealing with the legal system. Khloe cited the four year anniversary of the death her father, O.J. Simpson lawyer Robert Kardashian, as the reason for her drinking that led to the DUI arrest. Only to say he’s still looking out for her and pulling heavenly strings to keep her out of jail. Ha ha ha I want these people to get the Ebola virus. E! News reports:

“As soon as I got to Lynwood, there were three bomb threats…The warden came down to talk to me, and he was saying, ‘You’re the one causing all the problems here.’ And I’m like, ‘Ugh, I don’t need any more problems.’ And he’s like, ‘There’s all these bomb threats, and we’re thinking it’s for you.’
“But because of all these things, it’s a blessing, and I was actually released early because I was a threat to the prison.”
That, and, the correctional facility would no doubt like it pointed out, because of the perpetual overcrowding of the jail system. Still, Kardashian’s brief sojourn to the pokey paid off in sheer lessons learned.
“Honestly, I would never do it again…It’s just not worth it…It’s so much time.”

It’s so much time? THREE FUCKING HOURS?! Seriously, you sat and watched Batman which was just 30 minutes shy of the time you spent in jail. It’s moments like this I wish elephant hunting wasn’t illegal. Then again the odds of me going to jail are apparently slim. Somebody fetch my rifle and ivory saw. I don’t see any tusks in this photograph, but that could be from all the jowl.

UPDATE: TMZ just pissed in Khloe’s corn flakes: She cites the anniversary of her father’s death as the reason for her DUI when arrested on March 4. Except Robert Kardashian died on September 30. FTW? I almost felt bad about equating Khloe with a pachyderm. Now I wish I went with sperm whale. Next time, Khloe. Next time…


  1. Tim

    “I was actually released early because I was a threat to the prison’s plumbing system.”


  2. random nig

    Preach on, sista! K-Lo to the muthafuckin E!

  3. The only bomb threats were by groups wanting to eliminate sasquatch once and for all.

    Seriously, why is this bitch on here? Because her sister is famous for getting pee’d on?

  4. Tom D'Amato

    What’s the problem, I think she’s a very attractive young lady? I dont know why everyone is so hard on the bigger girls? Have a heart people

  5. Run n Gun

    What’s so surprising?

    This is the typical response I’d expect out of 99% of the female population

  6. Andrea

    Typical Kardashian: fat, loud, dumb, vain, entitled. Only a true-life loser would find any of these skanks “hot”.

  7. Where's Darkwing Duck?

    Fantasy Island – Fake celebrity Edition starring:

    Kardashian Family
    Tara Reid
    Heidi & Spencer
    The Hills – people?
    Hogan Family
    Fuck all the reality whores (people who used to be famous and aren’t anymore, and people who are famous for God knows why)

    My fantasy would be to hunt them.
    Who do I talk to for this to happen?
    I smell an Emmy & Nobel Prize

  8. woodhorse

    And he’s like, ‘There’s all these bomb threats, and we’re thinking it’s for you.’——–that and the airplane diving at her as she climbed down the side of the building.

  9. rough daddy

    you know? she has a bigger ass, then both her sisters,,,some how she doesnt sport it well,,,maybe its becuase she was fat as a kid….and shes still borderline…

  10. This chic and Brook Hogan should have WWF tag team matches.
    Slu Foot and Sasquatch title matches….

  11. lol

    LOL elephant hunting…..U crack me up sometimes fish.

  12. toolboy

    If I didn’t care about my feet, I would punt that bitch in the cooch. Never let her speak again..like, seriously.

  13. Erik

    #1 is right – she stood outside the jail and ate 3 Chipotle burritos with extra chili-corn salsa, then threatened to use the toilet. What I’m saying is, she’s a large girl. Big through the hips. Roomy.

  14. Did anyone visit my website?

  15. Kowdashians

    It just goes to show how out of touch these rich fucks are. 3 hours is an eternity for them since they never have to wait for shit.

    On an unrelated note, has anybody ever seen the Kim fuck video? She has got ONE UGLY PUSSY!! It looks like someone used it for a boxer’s speed bag.

  16. free lily

    haha, #1 and #13, freaking classic posts! i think there’s some validity to your posts. bomb threat= kk dropping a big bomb in the toilet. or passing gas.

    the big ol’ cow is double fisting it with her lunch in this picture, probably another “d’oh!” moment for her publicist.

  17. moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    What a ugly ass fat cow.


    Ya fat ass ugly bitch! Stop posting about this tard looking tranny. Noone cares.

  18. Andy

    She’s a fool, but not as much of a fool as the guys who think her girdle-wearing sister Kim is hot. Although, in fairness, if you think urine-soaked dimpled fat is hot, then yeah, Kim’s the hottest.

  19. Manly chins are super sexy

    Eeeek this is really becoming beyond a joke now, she’s got a pretty sister who is famous for nothing except a dubious sex tape and now she is a celebrity. What has the world come to? seriously?

  20. bedot

    The driving think was dumb, but if i was her i’d be drunk all the time. It has to be tough to be the fat sister.

  21. Lamby

    1.) Enough with the Khloe is fat/a cow/an elephant comments. She looks normal. She can’t help the fact that she is the biggest in the family. But she can help the fact that she is a self-important twit. Make fun of that.

    2.) Robert Kardashian was not O.J.’s lawyer.

  22. Seriously it took me longer to make and eat my dinner than for ‘her’ to get out of jail, WTF?

  23. Lameby

    1.) She looks far from normal, now that I put my glasses on. She looks like she shops at stores that carry sizes “Extra-Large” “Extra-Extra-Large” and “Holy Shit It’s Coming This Way.”

    2.) Robert Kardashian only destroyed evidence from the crime scene. He wasn’t O.J.’s lawyer.

  24. ToTellTheTruth

    WHY the fuck are you even posting a story about this fat assed NOBODY amazon looking bitch????

  25. BigJim

    Check out the look on her face. To me, that look says, “If any of you fuckers so much as breathe on one of my fries I’m gonna rip your nuts off and shove them down your throat.”

  26. LovetheFish

    #21, you’re mistaken. Kardashian was actually the lawyer who disposed of OJ’s bloody clothes when Kardashian took OJ’s suitcase when he first arrived back in L.A. He’s also the one with the “I can’t believe these friggin’ morons just let this guy off the hook” expression captured on film when the idiot jury acquitted OJ.

  27. Ted from LA

    Then why was he standing at the table with OJ with that “I can’t believe you dumb fuckers bought a word of the shit we were scooping at you in this trial” look on his face when the verdict was read?

  28. Juice

    Sure, now I bet everybody’s PRAYING for somebody to come along and cut a girl’s head off…

  29. lamby the tard

    quote : “1.) Enough with the Khloe is fat/a cow/an elephant comments. She looks normal. She can’t help the fact that she is the biggest in the family. But she can help the fact that she is a self-important twit. Make fun of that.”

    Are you fucking retarded or insane? She eats like a fat cow so she looks like one. Simple as that, she is the “biggest in the family” because she eats twice as much as a normal person. Fuckin dumb bitch keep your mouth shut next time you just look like a tard.

  30. D

    You have to get a laugh out of the excuse those Yanks have for a legal system.
    There’s nothing like a well run machine…. and the US is nothing like a well run machine.

  31. Ricio

    “She looks normal.”

    Behemoth with old-lady upper arm flab carrying 2 big baskets of food…and she looks “normal.” Only in America. Actually, it’s probably technically true, since normal can mean statistically average, and the average American skank is a fucking fat mess these days.

  32. BigJim

    You know, I could totally see her being hooked up to a plow, dragging it through a farmer’s field.

  33. Ted from LA

    I like can’t like believe that they like, let her like out in like 3 hours. Like.

    What a fuckin’ Mensa member this girl is…

  34. Polly from Boston

    I bet Chloe would be really hot if she just let her ‘stache grow in.

  35. uhhhh

    WTF you people are complete idiots. Snapple and fast food thats the breakfast of champions baby, not to mention the best way to diet on the planet.

    MooooOOO MooooOOOO that is quite fitting she reminds me of a cow as well. Ghostbusters marshmallow man as well that fits her to a T.. google the pic if you do not believe just look side by side.

  36. Lamby

    #26 – R. Kardashian was not his lawyer. He helped out with his defense as a volunteer. He sat next to OJ at trial as a friend. He didn’t even have his license at the time of the murder. – Thus speaks E! True Hollywood Story.

    #29 – Meth Baby. Your mother should be arrested.

    #31 – Not everyone looks like a model. She is just plain bigger than her mother and sisters. I’m sure she looks a lot different from the skeletal trannies dying from AIDS that you are used to “dating.”

  37. CJ

    She is a legend in her own messed up mind! None of that happened. She is a spoiled rotten, over fed bag of smelly entrails. Actually this could be about any the stinky Kardashian family so add goon-looking and that fits this particular waste of space.

  38. Lameby

    “I’m sure she looks a lot different from the skeletal trannies dying from AIDS that you are used to “dating.”"

    Yeah, skeletal trannies dying from AIDS, and Khloe Kong. Those are your only two choices.

  39. hahaha

    This is another great example of how the american court system, government, police, jail in general all FAILED horribly. More people in jail then beds, guess what? Jail is supposed to be a deterrent, that means its supposed to be less people in jail than beds available because its working as a deterrent with the appointed court system. This equals “FAIL”.

    Police = worthless these days.
    Jail/prison = worthless, ya you locked up everyone well where you going to put all the people you keep arresting, good luck with that dumb shits. They can not even follow the guideline they set, you break the law you do the time. Unless your a fat worthless whore then you get out in a couple hours.
    Court system = haha you know this already. money = whatever you want.
    Government = Only gets worse folks, oil is running out in 2016 the demand will be higher than the supply then it will sky rocket to 100s if not 1000s+ a gallon. Cars will cease to be worth anything because noone will be able to afford gas. People will riot, people will die. Do you expect the government to save you? Get out of america fast, its your only hope to survive.

  40. lamby the tard

    So I call you out make you look like a fool. I mean you are the guy you thinks high class fatty whores actually exist. You respond with this.

    Lamby: #29 – Meth Baby. Your mother should be arrested.

    Thats all you got tard baby? No logical response? No argument? Meth baby thats it? I expected more even from a tard.

    Explain to us how fat ass whores are “High Class” do tell tard boy do tell!!

  41. do what now?

    Her father helped keep a man guilty of murder on the streets. The rich can always avoid justice… it’s the American way… and it’s a crock of shit.

  42. lmfao!!!!!

    OMG lamby wow dude. Ha Ha Ha!! Man well someone has to fuck those ugly ass fat chics, good to know you are taking one for the team because we are not putting our dicks anywhere near something that looks like that. It takes a special type of person to fuck a fatty, most of us avoid them like the plague!

    Eeewwww man, those fucking cottage cheese thighs all over you, how the fuck do you do it man?!?!?

  43. Lamby

    #38 – Hyperbole deserves hyperbole in return.

  44. Lamby

    #40 – oh yeah, because your tirade was so logical and deserved a well researched and outlined retort. You sound like those little meth babies that sit in special ed class because they “can’t concentrate” and try to pick up on girls that walk by. When they ignore you, all you can say is, “you fucking fat bitch.” Because that is all you got, son.

  45. Rick

    So saying Khloe is big is “hyperbole”? Ok, we’ve confirmed that you’re on the Kardashian payroll. Ordinarily, I’d say something like “don’t you have something better to do” but, unfortunately, I saw the show once.

  46. Lamby

    #42 – I don’t.

    I just don’t think she’s the juggernaut you are making her out to be.

    The only logical conclusion I can come to is either:

    1.) Superficial’s readers have the hottest girlfriends.


    2.) They have no girlfriends.


  47. Lamby

    #45 – No. But saying she is an elephant or a cow is.

  48. Cindy

    definitely payroll.

  49. Zander

    lmao! I saw that on the show once, where they go to the gossip sites and type in comments!!! The mom seems to believe that they have to “protect the brand” in her words – way to go mom! Brand these cows, indeed!!!

  50. Lamby

    I’m totally on payroll.

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