UPDATE: Khloe Kardashian turns going to jail into fun for the whole family

July 18th, 2008 // 109 Comments

Khloe Kardashian reported to the Van Nuys Courthouse to begin serving her jail sentence for violating a probation agreement from her 2007 DUI. And, aww, look, she brought the whole family. Because getting O.J. off the hook wasn’t a big enough mockery of the legal system for the Kardashians.

At any rate, let’s start taking bids on when she gets out. Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan both served just north of 80 minutes, but Khloe’s not exactly that caliber of celebrity. However, she does require those giant space cuffs used on Chewbacca in Star Wars, so it’s anyone’s guess really.

EDIT: Added Kim on Jimmy Kimmel last night talking about Khloe’s legal predicament after the jump. Thanks to JMack. You’re a freakin’ knight.

UPDATE: Khloe’s out! Time served: 173 minutes, according to TMZ, which means she’s almost exactly 50% less popular than Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan while still 50% taller than most women, Sasquatches and NBA guards.

Photos: Splash News

  1. Dummy

    What a dumb cunt

  2. veggi

    Khloe is NOT FAT!

  3. Cindy

    How dare you say Khloe is fat? The writer must be a pimple-faced gay guy living in his mom’s basement in fear that he might encounter a REAL woman, and anybody who disagrees with me is homorexic (gay anorexic). And racist.

  4. Sam

    I feel bad for Khloe. She must be feeling like she’s under a tremendous amount of stress. Almost as much as her pants are experiencing.

  5. Khloe Fat-asshian

    Heeeeeelp!! a fucking beached-whale is on the side-walk!

  6. kk

    Slow updates today mr. writer!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m disappointed and bored at work! Cmon now!

    Also, how tall is Khloe? Damn

  7. Sasquatch got sentenced to jail?

    Oh, #3 – so “anyone” who disagrees with you is homorexic? I am happy to know you are the final say in all posts on this site. Please begin to post at the very top of every thread so the rest of us don’t waste our own time and we can just read yours to know what is right and true! Oh, and since you are such a highly intellectual member of MENSA please explain how the post was racist? Considering no racial slurs were posted beyond mention Chewbacca. So, if any wookies were offended, I’m sure the SuperFish will apologize to them.

  8. db

    nice gunboats there Chloe. What you about a size 14? Seriously, Bozo the clown has smaller feet than that

  9. Poringo

    Me likes big women, but Kim’s buttpads win

  10. Clint

    She’ll be fine. She’ll stomp into the cell, glare at everybody, some loudmouth will give her shit and Khloe will violate her with a wire toiletbrush. After that, everybody will leave her alone until she’s released after 12 hours.

  11. It must suck to have an extremely attractive man smile at you from across the bar, get the nerve to make his move and tap you on your shoulder, only to find out he wants to talk to one on your sisters.

  12. Randal's Non-Gay Brother

    Holy Shit. Bigfoot walks among us. And it’s name is Khloe Kardashian.

  13. Khirschy Squirts

    Even the mom-ager is wearing slutty shoes.
    I hope the intake person takes a glimpse of her and accidenty throws her in the men’s jail. I wonder if she marks Reggie Bush at family football games.

  14. Eric

    Wow, she’s a really real woman. I haven’t ever heard her talk, or read anything she’s said, but I can tell by judging proportions in the pictures that, in terms of being a woman, Khloe has achieved a very high level of realness.

  15. don

    so true #11. I absolutely love Kourtney. great body proportions and a pretty face.

  16. newbie

    Ok, I’m new here, so what are the rules, exactly? I know you can call Britney a fat pig, and also this girl, but they don’t seem all that fatter than some of the others (like Rosario Dawson). Or is it simply that you call people you don’t like “fat”? I remember doing that in grade school, but like most people I grew out of it.

  17. BigJim

    She’s pretty manly looking. I wouldn’t be surprised if they send her to the men’s prison by accident.

    And after a couple of days she’ll be running the place.

  18. BigJim


    RE: “Or is it simply that you call people you don’t like “fat”?”

    I don’t like you.


  19. Rachel

    So now Kourtney has a “pretty face”? I thought we were clear about this: Kim used to have the complete package but now she’s a porker with a pretty face, Kourtney has the a body and a monkey face, and Khloe, well…she’s got a future in MMA fighting as “The Beast”.

  20. #18 – LOL, well said.

    #16 newbie – We call fat people fat (like the sasquatch thing pictured above). Some people call skinny (or avg) people fat because they don’t like them. Thus, they come to a site that makes fun of useless celebs. But, if you have any questions about what to do please speak to #3 because she declared herself the all knowing Douche Queen.

  21. Chelsea

    Khloe isn’t fat, she’s just a tranny version of Kelly Clarkson

  22. A

    The Kardashians are all really hot!

  23. lloyd johnson

    She’s so dumb! Never get locked up on a friday. you get neglected in jail over the weekend. how do I know? Beer, hockey game, beer, flyers fan, beer, fist…

  24. Max

    She’s not fat. Her problem is that she’s got a giant moon face and completely screwed up proportions, so she ends up looking big and awkward and bulge-y. If you measured percent bodyfat, I bet she’d end up pretty close to Kim, and both of them would be way above Kourtney. Then, after you’re done measuring, you could kill them all.

  25. lloyd johnson

    Somebody call Don King! The fight of the century! Khloe Kardashian vs. Brooke Hogan! Battle of the titans! I’m taking bets.

  26. Ugh. That is one monster of a woman

  27. MightyD

    Damn! Sasquatch and Bigfoot are already taken…I’ll go with Yeti then…Freakin’ Yeti…she looks like a cross between Chyna and Kathleen Turner….brrrrrr…shivers…

  28. BigJim

    To her credit, she’s not being a total candy-assed pansy about this like Paris was: “Waaah! Noooo! Mommmy! I can’t go to prison because I’m speshulllll…”

    Yup, Khloe is facing prison like a man.

    Which might explain the linebacker hands and flipper feet.

  29. Bruce Jenner

    She is Mantastic.

  30. Bruce Jenner

    She is Mantastic.

  31. DBlumpkin




    I think I may actually be in love with Kim. ( I never thought I’d say that.)

  32. Mandy

    It’s absolutely hilarious to read these comments right after the Rosario Dawson thread. All the viciousness that was condemned there is being celebrated here. It’s like awhile ago when a Jennifer Love Hewitt story would be followed by a Britney story.

  33. zZz

    Just like having a sex tape and going to rehab, another trendy thing to do!
    We can only hope that our kids admire these twats and grow up to be society’s parasites themselves.

    Three cheers for strong fabric! Hip, hip, hurray!

  34. sameshitdifferentyear

    Thoroughly amused by the comments. Laugh-out-loud fun.

    No contributions to make to it, except maybe this

    I never thought the women of this family could turn out to be bigger whores than their father……………

    ……………….and I’m still correct, they aren’t.

  35. Kim Lardassian

    God she’s loviing it – publicity where she is the centre of attention finally not just her sisters ugly sidekick, pathetic being so desperate for celebrity you turn going to jail for DUI into a photo op. DIE KHLOE DIE.

  36. What the fuck??!! Only one picture is contaminated with a nigger and you put it on top? The garbage goes in the back of the house, not the front.

  37. sameshitdifferentyear

    #34 (myself) Although now that I think about it didn’t he supposedly “repent” in his later years? Well good for him if he did.

  38. Voice_of_Reason

    Ok Klohe Kardashian is not fat, Cindy is fat! Happy now you fat bitch?

  39. Kardashian Mom = Big Pimp!

    Wow, these images make me kind of nostalgic for the days when you would never see three hookers out in broad daylight.

  40. Emerald

    The only reason Khloe Kardashian is smiling is because she thinks she’s going to do an 84min stint, little does she know that it will be the full time. Then the awful truth will set in, she’ll realize she’s not a star and is nothing more than a fat-assed parasite leeching off what ever fame it is that the Kardashians have.

  41. Dr.

    That’s a huge bitch! KEEP IT IN THE CIRCUS!!

  42. Hello_World

    Hahahahaha for sures last time I saw its her sister Kim that’s the real-for-nothing star. Just like the Spear’s cousin who’s nothing more than a fat cow with a big mouth & and that little Lohan who will become a mega-whore since big sister Lindsay took the lesbian route.

  43. SandDwellersDie

    Hank “Kim” Henshaw and “Bizarro-Kim” are on the loose again. Time to unleash Batman on them to clean up the streets of these filthy terrorists once and for all!

  44. Manly chins are super sexy

    The problem with Khloe is her jaw – it makes her look like Hulk Hogan, shes not really overly fat just very manly in the jaw area.
    All she needs is a bit of stubble and lo and behold – DESPERATE DAN.

  45. Manly chins are super sexy

    The problem with Khloe is her jaw – it makes her look like Hulk Hogan, shes not really overly fat just very manly in the jaw area.
    All she needs is a bit of stubble and lo and behold – DESPERATE DAN.

  46. Johnny Mudmudman

    Oompa loompa, loompadie do…This armenian whore is swine and belongs in a zoo!

    Oompa loompa, loompadie do…Bizarro Kim’s legs are like tree trunks and her coot smells like poo!

  47. granada

    173 minutes….173 minutes….Makes me almost want to drink and drive. Almost.

  48. veggi

    She only stayed long enough to clog a toilet.

  49. Kan't Stand Kardashians

    You know what sweet, sweet justice would be? If a drunk driver rammed into this family & left them all maimed and disfigured…HAHAHA that would be AWSOME!! DO a season of Kardashians about THAT Mr. Seacrest….LOL

  50. Clem

    What a waste of money – community service helping the victims of DUI accidents would have been more appropriate for this egomaniacal family.

    Let’s hope karma happens.

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