Khloe Kardashian hearts not being in jail

Khloe Kardashian checked out The Dark Knight at The Grove Saturday and enjoyed the general bliss that comes from ducking 30 days in jail for DUI. I can tell by the remorseful look on her face, Khloe’s learned a lesson: Kardashians make the law their bitch. Well, I’ll show them. I’m going to get blitzed off my face then drive around their neighborhood. Yeah, this plan is genius. *starts chugging*

UPDATE: Dude, Geekologist, I’m telling you this plan will totally teach these people a lesson. What people? I dunno, somebody. I wrote it down on a napkin. Huh? I didn’t puke on my shirt. You puked on your shirt. At your mom’s house – with Chevy Chase riding a lawnmower. BURN!

UPDATE: Yum yum yummy I’ve got Jager in my tummy, yum yum I’m feeling like nachos.

UPDATE: Stop the press, who is that? This, this tree of a woman. A mighty red oak of breasts and timber thighs. I would totally hit tha- SHIT NUTS! I looked at her face. *shakes head* Hey, I’m absolutely 100% sober. How’d that happen? And why is there a tongue print on my monitor in front of Khloe Kardashian? As God as my witness, I am never drinking again.

UPDATE: Wait, I’m an atheist. To the Beer Cave! *crawls under desk*